Sunday, December 25, 2022

An Encounter Table for a Weird Napoleonic War Zone

    This is for a certain someone on a certain server, as a Secret Santa type dealio.

Source: Old Guard by Den4oStojanov

    The Emperor fights a war on four fronts! From the Portuguese Remnants, in their once-colony of Brasil, the Peninsular Army assaults His western shores, and on His eastern borders each nation of the Coalition masses 150,000 men. To punish Albion He has bade no continental power deal with them; to punish the defecting Russians He has sent a half-million of the finest soldiers of Europe to ravage all the Russias. In the cold Atlantic His navy steadily loses ground (or water, mayhaps) to the proud Briton and the perfidious Dutchman.

    If it were down to strength of arm only, the Emperor might still prevail, even against three-quarters of the world. But the Hermetic and Shamanic traditions of His enemies bedevil His soldiers, influence His commanders, intercept His communications, and slowly turn the tide.

    Only one thing can save the Forever-Emperor; the New Medicine and the tireless soldiers it promises him. Uniting the science of Galvani, Volta, Dippel, Paracelsus and Hippocrates, New Medicine is a vital practice for making armies of dead out of dead armies, for sewing the good bits together to make 5 new soldiers out of 10 old worn-out ones. What's more, these New Medics have begun experimenting in the rebalancing of humors — a little too much blood makes one tired and feverish, but what does much too much blood do? When your heart beats black bile and your brain stews in the cold, dry element, what then?

    But I don't need to tell you all of this. It's ancient history now in our terrifyingly modern 20th Century; how the Emperor's undead marines swarmed from their sinking ships up the sides of Nelson's and tore the British sailors limb from limb; how Prince Kutuzov was hanged by the neck from his own artillery by grinning corpses who needed no food, no water, no shelter, no light, no rest; the fate of Lisbon and Porto and Braga and Coimbra. Napoleon's star rose, and would shine until the Great War ended all war...

    Enough for the moment. Let's talk about the sort of thing you might find in a Weird Napoleonic War Zone:

All Russias

    The Tsar trusted General Winter to halt the French advance, but the dead don't mind mud, and the killing-cold can't kill them. Moscow is burned and the Russian Army routed, and still the French hunt for deserters and merchants' hidden treasure-troves in the snow and black dirt.
2. Zmei Gorinich, a proud young Russian nobleman from over Siberia way, is occupying a nearby castle to watch the next battle from its tower. He seems totally unconcerned with what might happen to him if the French win — or the starving Russian conscripts, for that matter. His three wives (in Eastern style) are glad to invite you in, and watch you over their silk fans at dinner, giggling. Won't you stay the night?
3. A small crowd of Domovoi trample in circles in the dust of the road, discussing the terms of their surrender. Their primary concern is protecting the local peasantry, and the fact that if they approach the French camp they will be eaten.
4. A small inn on the edge of the forest serves both sides. A sign declares this to be the "Sky-blue Rodent". Inside, a tremendously fat Turkish barkeep maintains peace between Russian officers and French technicians as they play game after game of grueling, high-stakes billiards.
5. A farm and its granary burn down as the farmer watches. His family, dead already of foreign disease, are all buried behind the house. He waits with a gun for the first Frenchman he sees, living or dead.
6. Battle lines drawn up. The swirling mass of mostly-Frenchmen, with their eyes and mouths sewn wide open, wait at the bottom of a hill for some unknown signal. The Russians ready their heavy cannons and a wall of Congreves loaded with a chemical that will reduce the French soldiers to slavering and disobedient ghūls.
7. Recurring Character
8. A brutal melee between undead and Russians, in the wreck of their artillery and the stink of dead horses. The ground has been churned into mud hip-deep, and even the tireless undead are slowing on this Hellish battlefield.
9. A long line of bodies with bullet-holes through their skulls. Half a mile off, a sniper is watching you, and will fire if she sees you investigate or try and cross the line described by their corpses. Just a little beyond that line a spilled horsecart reveals the glint of twenty kilos of gold ecu.
10. A military camp of insane undead, who have killed all but the barely necessary technicians. They have declared themselves independent, and what's more: they have declared themselves to be French citizens who possess all rights due to them.
11. A treasure-trove of war-materiel on the banks of an ice-spanned river. There's a large suspicious hole in the middle and no sign of whoever left all these guns.
12. Koncek, some barbarian Khan from the south, is hiring any and all adventurers and mercenaries to recover a treasure for him. Far away from here is a lake, and in the center of that lake is an island, and on the center of that island is a dungeon, and in the heart of that dungeon is a chest, and you don't need to know what all's in the chest, you just need to know Koncek will pay you for it with its weight in rubies, ivory, silk and incense.


    From the Black Sea to the Atlantic, from the Mediterranean to the Baltic, in the mountains of Switzerland and on the floodplains of the Netherlands, through the frozen fields of Scandinavia and over the sun-bathed hills of Iberia, all the fighting-men and materiel and wealth of Europe, North Africa, India and America fight for or against Napoleon, who some call the Antichrist and others the Emperor of the World. New technology meets old magic and finds it wanting.
2: Scholomance, a great dragon, lazily flies above a battlefield sending down bolts of lightning and tonnes of hail. He's interested in selling his services (swift flight, control over weather), but so far no one has been brave enough to take him up on it. Maybe Scholomance is frustrated enough to offer a deal to an intrepid entrepreneur?
3: A group of local peasants have had enough of these stitched-together nightmares, and have dug a pit across the highway. They'll be killed to the last man when the Emperor's Afflicted roll through. Most of them will be cut up and stitched together themselves. You can try to convince them otherwise, but they're fairly worked up with their torches and pitchforks and aren't in a talking mood.
4: Portuguese guerillas wait in the trees for the Spanish to march by. Their skin flickers and shifts like a dream of a chameleon. Their flesh is beginning to melt, and their poison blood is beginning to kill them. None of them will see home again.
5: Battalion of Life Guard, eviscerated by grapeshot, lying in slithery heaps in pools of their own blood, moaning for death. They're so full of elixir it's dribbling from their opened guts; there's another few cases in their tents three miles back, if you're interested in looking the Reaper in the eyesocket and spitting in his bony face.
6: A dozen French sharpshooters stand in a small huddle, smoking, waiting for the command to move out. A necromancer and his team of surgeons are quietly measuring their spines, skulls and limbs with calipers and tailor's tapes.
7: Recurring Character
8: A detachment of Prussian soldiers, mostly clockwork. Humboldt's Kosmogeist means they no longer depend on the large, vulnerable meat-brains they were born with; the only fleshy part left of them is their eyes.
9: Austrian cuirassiers ride by, so heavily armored they can't rise or be separated from their horses. Their swords are three yards long, their lances ten, and the steel plates on their body are a yard thick. If there are living men and horses underneath all of that, they aren't making any sound.
10: An Austrian war-eagle, with two heads and feathers of gold bullion, flies overhead with a mocking scream. Take cover quickly; that whistling sound is coming from the fire-bombs.
11: Out in the field are three shallow graves containing three coffins containing maybe 40 of the Emperor's best, all in pieces. Their sabers, rifles and cannons have been pitched into a nearby ravine.
12: Talleyrand, with a young man's heart and eyes and skin but still his old man's brain, is riding out to survey the damage with a small troop of bodyguards. He'd be grateful to hear what the PCs have to think about all of this. "Who seeks peace should prepare for war", he quotes.


    Napoleon was master of the Channel, not for six hours, but for years and years and years. With every tide another five-thousand French soldiers beach themselves and march towards London, Birmingham, Exeter, Sheffield. The Scots are agitating for an understanding with Napoleon; the Irish are agitating for an understanding with Napoleon; the Welsh and the Cornish and the Manx want an understanding with Napoleon. These days it seems King George's only friends are the Seelie and Unseelie Courts. These days it seems those are the only friends he needs.
2: A clanking money-elemental, vast and scintillating and serpentine and gore-spattered, crawls blindly through the woods seeking a debtor. The Crown sees no reason to risk His armies when He can risk His funds instead; so much gold and silver in one place has had predictable consequences.
3: In this deserted bay, the some of the flotsam of the Battle of Trafalgar has washed ashore. The British ships are plain wood, but the Franco-Spanish frigates were sewn from living flesh and bone, and have quickly rotted to poisonous skeletons.
4: A many-legged mitrailleuse scuttles along, apparently piloted by a bridge of leprechauns. As you come into view, the bald captain orders a mate to "divert power to forward shields".
5: Two zouaves (whose faces are tanned leathery except for the pale patch where they recently shaved their beard) lead a score of Norwegian mercenaries in looting a cathedral. The Anglican minister stands outside, red-faced and indignant. "We stole this from the Papists fair and square", he insists.
6: A blood-choked swamp of crocodiles and sandstone ruins. The air is strange, as if the sun is brighter here than in the rest of England. Human pieces stick from the stinking water, and in the distance one can hear the shrieks of shells and dying men.
7: Recurring Character
8: Press-ganged New Englanders with smoothbore muskets stumble along to the whip-crack of a "British" officer wearing two top hats.
9: A legion, in a surprisingly accurate sense of the word, marches towards a distant besieged town in ranks forty men wide and files a hundred men deep. Some wear bronze maille, others ride chargers in painted armor, others are dressed like Merry Men or Norman men-at-arms or bearded vikings. Each soldier is pale and wan and blinking in the sun, and each officer has leaves woven into their hair and plays panpipes.
10: Just off the coast, a British ship of the line fends off the tentacles of a terrible Kraken. When its great limbs wash ashore, they will be revealed to be sewn from the arms and legs of a hundred African laborers.
11: Treacherous red-headed Fenians wait in ambush for G_d-fearing, King-loving Britons. Their lances are sharp as thorns, their deer are shod in fairy-silver, and their tiny Irish brains are sodden with cheap liquor.
12: Arthur Wellesley, 1st Duke of Wellington, was slain by Danes and Norwegians shortly after his arrival in Scandinavia. No one is sure what, exactly, is animating his headless corpse. He doesn't appear to be stuffed with Prussian clockwork, or Imperial modified-organ-meat. He isn't soaked in Fairy elixir or glamour. He doesn't even even seem to be a ghost. Perhaps, his soldiers suggest, he wanders the highways cutting down his foes because that's just how much he hates the French.

Monday, December 12, 2022

Call Me What You Will (GLOG Classes: 5e Fighters Conversion)

    Woof. This is my fourth post for 5e classes and subclasses converted to GLOG. I've done my favorite guys already: the almighty Rogue, so perhaps it's time to tackle one of my least favorite: the venerable Fighter.

Source: Hans Holbein

    Why do I dislike 5e's Fighter so much? Do I need a reason? Must they occupy the prized-place at the beginning of my story, as well as the end? I suppose, in a sentence; I don't like that they aren't the best at fighting. Barbarians are pretty good at fighting. Rogues are pretty good at fighting. Paladins are great at fighting. Rangers fight good. Did you know that 5e Bards are proficient in all martial weapons? I'm a little surprised every time I hear that. Monks are good at fighting. Clerics can fight pretty well. Most Druids are pretty good in a melee. You see what I'm getting at here? Most of the classes are pretty good at fighting! That's the majority! A strong majority! Fighters don't deal the most damage, and don't take the most beating, and aren't the scariest, and aren't the physically strongest, and aren't the most skilled with weapons, and aren't any good in a barfight or an ambush. Fighter isn't the "Good at Fighting" class, they're the "Capable of Fighting" class.

    "5e has a problem with focus, and being a martial sucks" isn't an original complaint, but when it comes to complaints I don't feel the need to be original. G. K. Chesterton said something along the lines of, it's good to be innocent, and it's a shame when you becomes so old and jaded that you can see evil without being immediately horrified and disgusted. Ladies and gentlemen: I just reread a bunch of 5e and it still gets tree-sap stuck in my armhairs.

    Anyway, here's the thesis: being a Fighter should rule, and you should be the best at Fighting. You should be so good at fighting that it basically occupies the whole Fighting tippy tip of the Fighting-Cunning-Spelling triangle, and anyone else who gets to be good at fighting has to carefully navigate around you and your toes in the design space.

Source: Rich Longmore


    You are a Fighter, with all that that entails.

    All Fighting-Men can parry like a sword-shepherd (subtract their to-hit bonus from the damage of an incoming melee attack once per turn), get an extra attack at 1st level, and never fumble with any conventional weapon (no promises about zapguns or razor-whip-swords). Additionally, they choose a fighting style from the list at the bottom.

Arcane Archer

    Arcane Archery began as an elfish tradition of weaving magic into arrowheads to achieve supernatural results. Arcane Archers are some of the most revered warriors among the elfs. These elite craftsmen can spend weeks or months on a single piece of ammunition, painstakingly carving the shaft, selecting the feathers, and shaping the arrowhead from rare materials. The arrows they produce are not merely weapons, but works of art, things of beauty. They can slay demons and dragons, or inspire a bard's epic. With them, the artificer can change the course of a battle or the hard heart of a king. Their arrows carry the light of the sun, their personal history, their hope for the future.
    Seeing you shoot a bomb arrow up a goblin's bunghole would probably break their hearts.

Skills: 1. Arcana 2. Bowyer 3. Bardic performance.
Starting Equipment: Heavy longbow, kidskin quiver with 20 arrows, Lincoln-green Robin Hood costume (as leather).
  • A Arcane Shot
  • B Magic Arrow
  • C Curving Shot
  • D Everready Arrow
Arcane Shot
    With an hour of preparation, you may enchant an arrow with an arcane effect you know. You may maintain two such arrows at once. Choose two arcane arrows now from the list below.
Magic Arrow
    When you fire a normal arrow, you may choose to have it count as magic for the purpose of overcoming resistances. Choose an additional arcane arrow, and replace one you already know if you wish.
Curving Shot
    Once per turn, an arcane arrow that would miss its target turns mid-air to attack a different target. Choose an additional arcane arrow, and replace one you already know if you wish.
Everready Arrow
    If initiative is rolled and you don't have any arcane arrows prepared, you may draw one from your quiver anyway. Choose an additional arcane arrow now, and replace one you already know if you wish.

Arcane Arrows:
  1. Banishing Arrow.
    Struck target saves or is banished back to their plane of origin. If this is their plane of origin, they are thrust into the ethereal momentarily, and reappear after a turn in the position they were when they left. If that position is now occupied they are shunted to unoccupied space and take 1d8 force damage.
  2. Beguiling Arrow.
    Struck target saves or is convinced that you are its friend. The big stonking arrow sticking out of it may be evidence otherwise, but if you talk fast you might be able to profit somehow before anyone objects.
  3. Bursting Arrow.
    Immediately after the arrow strikes a target, it explodes for 2d6 damage in a 10' radius.
  4. Enfeebling Arrow.
    Necromantic magics weaved into the arrow weaken and sicken the struck target, causing them to deal half-damage with melee weapons until the curse is lifted.
  5. Grasping Arrow.
    This arrow conjures grasping, poisonous brambles which wrap around the struck target. Targets must pass a strength check to remove the brambles. Each time they fail, and each turn they move without removing the brambles, they take 1d6 poison damage.
  6. Piercing Arrow.
    The arrow partially phases out of this reality and into the ethereal, and moves in a straight line 1' wide and 30' long before fading entirely. Struck targets in its path must save or take normal damage from the arrow. This attack can hit through walls, armor, and most protective spells.
  7. Seeking Arrow.
    The arrow seeks out a target you have seen within the past minute unerringly, navigating around corners and through all but complete cover. Target must pass a save; if they fail they take normal damage from the arrow and you are alerted to their exact position. If they succeed, they take half damage and you are not alerted.
  8. Shadow Arrow.
    This semi-illusory arrow cannot be seen as it flies or as it strikes. Struck targets are blinded for a minute, perceiving a world of darkness and great moving shapes.


    You may not have heard this, but "wizard" is the rank above "master" in swordsmanship. Perhaps you are a master, and perhaps not — by tradition that title is only given to those 30 years of age, and most wizards die before then. But long after you die, old men will enchant their grandchildren with tales of watching you fight. There will never be another quite exactly like you.

Skills: 1. Colosseum performance 2. Alcoholism 3. Seamanship.
Starting Equipment: medium rapier, traveling clothes (as leather), jeroboam of cheap Spanish red (3 doses).
  • A Student of War
  • B Know Your Enemy
  • C Improved Superiority
  • D Relentless Blade
Student of War
    You have studied for many long hours, and at this level may choose two maneuvers from the list below. Unless specified otherwise, these maneuvers can only be used once per combat against intelligent enemies (mindless undead and wild animals probably aren't smart enough to catch on to your tricks). You develop another maneuver with each [template] in this class, and may be able to learn others or invent new ones through play.
Know Your Enemy
    With a minute of study, you can learn one of a target's Strength, Constitution, Dexterity, Intelligence, Wisdom, Charisma, AC, HD, or number of Fighting-Man templates (if any). You can study them for another minute to learn more things.
Combat Superiority
    You may teach up to [level] of your companions a single maneuver of their choice. This requires constant training to maintain, and they lose the maneuver quickly if separated from you.
Relentless Blade
    You always have advantage when attacking with a sword.

Combat Maneuvers:
  1. Caizo's Stratagem.
    You may forgo one of your own attacks to give it to your ally.
  2. Kreussler's Disarmament.
    When you strike a target, you may forcibly disarm them. Fighters get a save against this.
  3. Marozzo's Distracting Blow.
    All attacks against struck target have advantage until the start of your next turn.
  4. Evasive Footwork after the Style of Matthaus.
    Dodge a single melee attack with a quick backstep.
  5. Giganti's Feint.
    After a missed attack, immediately make another with advantage.
  6. de Jarnac's Goad.
    Struck target has disadvantage on attacks against targets other than you until your next turn.
  7. Liancour's Flying Lunge.
    You may make an attack against a target you otherwise could not reach, for reasons of footing, distance, or the presence of bodyguards.
  8. Skirmisour's Menacing Onslaught.
    Target immediately makes a morale check. If they fail, they flee on their turn for at least one round. If the creature wouldn't normally be scared of you, it gets another morale check after that round.
  9. Vom Tag.
    Struck target is shoved away up to 15'.
  10. The Capo Ferro.
    When a creature misses an attack against you, immediately make an attack against them.
  11. Miracolo's Sweep.
    If an attack's result beats the AC of a creature adjacent to struck target, hit them for normal damage.
  12. Trip de Joie.
    Struck target saves or falls prone.


    And David said to Saul: "Thy servant kept his father's sheep, and when there came a lion or a bear that took a lamb out of the midst of the flock, I pursued after them, and delivered the lamb from their mouth; and if they turned on me, I caught them by the throat, and I strangled and killed them. Thy servant has killed the lion and the bear, and this uncircumcised Philistine shall be also as one of them". And Saul said: "Cool."

Skills: 1. Hunting 2. Bardic performance 3. Military history.
Starting Equipment: Monstrous bronze sword (massive), medium shepherd's sling and pouch for stones, sandals and loincloth (as unarmored), thick sheepskin cloak.
  • A Improved Critical,
  • B Remarkable Athlete
  • C Superior
  • D Survivor
Improved Critical
    You score a critical hit on an attack roll of 19 or 20. If your system doesn't have critical hits, too bad for the DM, because you deal double damage on a 19 or 20 still. Show them this rules text and chide them for not reading more carefully before they approve a class.
Remarkable Athlete
    Add your [level] to any rolls you can argue are based on strength, dexterity or constitution. Gaps a human could leap with a movement check can be leapt by you without one. Surfaces a human could climb with equipment and preparation you can climb with your fingers and toes.
    You score a critical hit on an attack roll of 18. Add another fighting style.
    If you are below half your maximum hitpoints when a fight is initiated, heal to half your maximum hitpoints. Do not round.

Echo Knight

    Legends tell of the first Echo Knights and how they gained their powers, but you don't care. If you cared about anything besides yourself, anything at all, then you wouldn't be an Echo Knight.

Skills: 1. Hunting 2. Classical art 3. Pasta science.
Starting Equipment: Broadsword (medium), scale armor (as chain), kite shield, high-quality hand mirror, tin of pomade, switchblade comb.
  • A Manifest Echo
  • B Echo Avatar
  • C Reclaim Attention
  • D Legion of One
Manifest Echo
    You have an Echo you can summon with about six seconds of concentration. She is a double of you, your stats and your equipment, except she has 1HP and is a ghastly, wan thing. On your turn she may make an attack in your stead, move 30', or swap places with you with a thought. If your Echo is ever more than 30' from you, she and all her copies of your equipment will vanish with a pop. If she ever takes damage, ditto. Twice per day at this [level], and once more for every additional, your Echo may take her own turn in combat
Echo Avatar
    You may transfer your mind into your Echo, seeing through her eyes, hearing through her ears &c. While you are doing this your real body is dead to the world. She may move 1,000' away from you while this is happening.
Reclaim Attention
    As one of her turns, your Echo can throw herself in front of an attack that occurs within 30' of you. The attack is made against her AC instead. Additionally, you can choose to pop your Echo and spend one of her turns to grant yourself 4 temporary HP
Legion of One
    You may control two Echos at once. If initiative is rolled and your Echos don't have additional turns, they get one.

Eldritch Knight

    Not everyone has the patience for real wizardry, for arcana and drafty towers and studying ancient manuscripts by the light of a candle. Some mousers turn to petty theft to keep the wolf from the door, and some turn their sights to higher things — like combat, conquest, and the crown.

Skills: 1. Arcana 2. Smithing 3. Ancient history.
Starting Equipment: Longsword (medium), lamellar with black cloak and hood (as chain), thieves' lantern, empty spellbook (dog-eared pages, scuffed bronze head- and corner-caps).
  • A Careless Study
  • B Eldritch Strike
  • C Arcane Charge
  • D War Wizard
Careless Study
    Your wizardry is irregular, and mostly consists of a few sorcerous tricks which still give you a significant advantage over mundane combatants. You have a spell slot (though you don't start with any spells). You can parry spells and arrows. You may conjure a bolt of fire, frost or lightning, and throw it like a knife. Finally, you may bond with up to two weapons. Bonded weapons cannot be torn from your grasp, and you may summon them to your hand with a thought if you are on the same plane of existence.
Eldritch Strike
    When you deal damage to a creature, you may mark it. A creature marked in this way is automatically struck by the next spell cast on it, without a save or an attack being rolled.
Arcane Charge
    Once per minute, you may blink 30' to a location you could have reached by hovering in a straight line.
War Wizard
   You gain an MD in a color of your choice.

Source: the cover of Nine Princes in Amber, painted by Tim White

Psi Knight

    The Soul Knife is so secret he isn't even visible in the rogue post. Damn, that's secrecy! Like him, you're a secret psychic hitman in the cloak-and-dagger interplanar war between the bigfeet and the lizardmen. Unlike him, you're a well-designed class who is fun to play and does something and has mechanics. Good for you.

Skills: 1. Advanced planar calculus 2. Psychiatry 3. Psychology (this one is different).
Starting Equipment: Weird metal totem thing, black kung-fu robes (as unarmored),
  • A Psionic Power, +1 Mind Die
  • B Telekinetic Adept, +1 MD
  • C Guarded Mind, +1 MD
  • D Telekinetic Master, +1 MD
Psionic Power
    You have a pool of Mind Dice. They operate exactly like Magic Dice but aren't those. You can roll them to reduce the damage of an attack you can see by [sum], extend a 3' flaming blade from your weird metal totem thing, or manifest a circular, horizontal plane of force, 3' in diameter and 1" thick. The flaming blade lasts for [dice] rounds and deals [best] damage on a hit. It can be used to burn holes through material, about 1' a round for wood or earth, half that for stone or metal. The plane moves in any direction you choose at a slow walking speed, and dissipates after [dice] minutes or immediately upon bearing more than 100kg of mass. If used as a crushing tool the plane can deal [sum] damage before popping.
Telekinetic Adept
    You can roll your MD to leap [sum]*5', or force a [dice] HD creature to save or fly back 15' and fall prone.
Guarded Mind
    You are immune to Charm and Fear effects, and may roll MD to give a creature a reroll with a +[sum] bonus against such an effects.
Telekinetic Master
    You may roll MD to levitate up to [sum] slots of objects, in any arrangement, from their current position to a spot or spots you can see. If you use this to bean a mountain of rocks and large frogs in a general direction, it deals [sum] damage, save for half.


Fierce, stern, haughty, and bold,
were the lords of the realm in days of old.
None had a sharper sword in fight
to vanquish the wrong, and strike for the right;
none had higher and wilder blood,
to spur them from evil, and guide them to good.
Brave, proud, reckless, and bold,
fit to be one of the barons of old!
Skills: 1. Ancient history 2. Gardening 3. Tax extraction/evasion.
Starting equipment: Decent horse, lance (massive), longsword (medium), jousting armor (as plate), pale and feeble squire, great shield with your family's design upon it.
  • A Rallying Cry
  • B Restriction on Knighthood
  • C Bulwark
  • D Inspiring Figure
Rallying Cry
    Once per day, you can deliver a rallying speech and give allies who can hear you [level] points of temporary HP. If you charge into a fight while screaming your battle-cry (take the opportunity to come up with a good one now), you may add your [level] to you and your allies' initiative rolls.
Restriction on Knighthood
    You may make an oath to another character, swearing on your own name. You are bound to such oaths to the death and everyone knows it.
    You may mark a single enemy. If the marked enemy attacks someone other than you while in your reach, you may immediately make an attack against them.
Inspiring Figure
    Allies in your presence have advantage on all saves.

Rune Knight

    Rune Knights employ an ancient supernatural practice that originated among the giants. Whether you learned second-hand from a giant's abandoned scribbling on a cave wall, or third-hand from a scholar who studied such things, or first-hand at a gigantic artisan's knee, you can apply these runes and use their power.

Skills: 1. Smithing 2. Ancient history 3. Outdoor survival
Starting Equipment: Warhammer (medium), heavy winter clothing (as leather), great clomping boots, sonorous and fruity voice.
  • A Rune Carver
  • B Runic Shield
  • C Great Stature
  • D Master of Runes
Rune Carver
    You can speak and read the language of Gigantes. You know two runes from the list below. During a ritual at dawn you may place a rune that you know on a piece of equipment. You may only apply each rune once, and you may only apply one rune to a piece of equipment. Additionally, once per dawn you can choose to make you and your equipment gigantic for 60 seconds, increasing the damage dice of all weapons by one step and granting you an effective Strength of 24.
Runic Shield
    When a visible ally wearing one of your runes is struck, you can undo that rune to force the attacker to reroll. Choose an additional rune now, and replace one you already know if you wish.
Great Stature
    You permanently grow 3d4 inches taller. While gigantic, your damage dice are upped twice. Choose an additional rune now, and replace one you already know if you wish
Master of Runes
    You may apply each rune you know twice, and may put more than one rune on a single piece of equipment. Choose an additional rune now, and replace one you already know if you wish.

Giant Runes:
  1. Cloud Rune.
    This rune means "Cloud Giant", and also "Cunning". The wearer or wielder of an item inscribed with this rune may add +1 to all cipher rolls (enabling normal folk to make cipher checks). They may also choose to undo the rune to choose a new target for any attack they see made within 30' of them. The chosen target is struck by the attack if the original roll beats their AC.
  2. Fire Rune.
    This rune means "Fire Giant", and also "Skill". The wearer or wielder of an item inscribed with this rune may add 1 to all d20 rolls. They may also choose to undo the rune upon hitting a creature with an attack. If they do, fiery chains burst from the ground and seize struck target. They may make a save at the beginning of every round to wrench free; otherwise, they take 1d6 fire damage and cannot move from their position.
  3. Frost Rune.
    This rune means "Frost Giant", and also "Survival". The wearer or wielder of an item inscribed with this rune inflicts a -1 penalty to enemy morale checks, and grants a +1 bonus to friendly morale checks. They may also choose to undo the rune to grant a +10 bonus to a strength- or constitution-related check.
  4. Hill Rune.
    This rune means "Hill Giant", and also "Reliability". The wearer or wielder of an item inscribed with this rune has advantage on saves vs. poison and takes half damage from sources of poison. They may also choose to undo the rune to negate up to 12 points of weapon damage from a single source.
  5. Stone Rune.
    This rune means "Stone Giant", and also "Judgement". The wearer or wielder of an item inscribed with this rune can see up to 120' in grainy black-and-red infravision. They may also choose to undo the rune to charm a target they can see into a dreamy and pliant stupor. Save negates.
  6. Storm Rune.
    This rune means "Storm Giant", and also "Possible Future". The wearer or wielder of an item inscribed with this rune cannot be surprised. They may also choose to undo the rune to gain a brief glimpse of the near future, which applies advantage or disadvantage to any related check.

Brass Man

    Where do Brass Men come from? Wizards' workshops? Nightmare-forges of the deep elfs? Space? Space? Is it space? When they're underwater, do they get wet? Or does water get them? And why do they hide their eyes beneath frosted-glass face-shields?

Skills: 1. Modern history 2. Small unit tactics 3. Arcana
Starting Equipment: Heavy arbalest, exosuit with attached air supply (as plate, with 8 hours of oxygen) which you may not remove, 200' of extremely durable wire, can opener.
  • A Fighting Spirit, +2 Steam
  • B Elegant Courtier, +1 Steam
  • C Rapid Strike, +1 Steam
  • D Strength Before Death, +1 Steam
Fighting Spirit
    You have a pool a tank of Steam. On your turn in combat, you may spend a point of Steam to gain advantage on your next attack and 4 temporary hitpoints. You regain 1 point of Steam when you eat a ration and snooze for an hour — if you eat your supper before you go to sleep for the night you regain as many points of Steam as you ate rations.
Elegant Courtier
     You have advantage on initiative rolls. If a fight initiates and you have no Steam, regain 1.
Rapid Strike
    When you would have advantage on an attack, you may attack twice instead.
Strength Before Death
    You may spend Steam in response to gaining a fatal wound or otherwise falling unconscious. You remain conscious and active for one round per point of Steam spent this way.

Fighting Styles:
  1. Archery.
    You gain +2 to-hit with ranged weapons.
  2. Blind Fighting.
    You have 10' of blindsight. Within that range, you can effectively see anything that isn't behind total cover, even if you're blinded or in darkness. Moreover, you can see invisible creatures within that range, unless the creature is fully concealed from you.
  3. Defense.
    You gain a +1 bonus to AC.
  4. Dueling.
    When you are wielding a melee weapon in one hand with an empty offhand, you gain a +2 bonus to damage.
  5. Massive Weapon Fighting.
    When you roll a 1 or 2 on a damage die for an attack you make with a melee weapon you are wielding with two hands, you can reroll that damage die.
  6. Interception.
    You have a +1 bonus to parries, and can use your parry on attacks against adjacent allies.
  7. Mariner.
    While wearing medium armor or less and while not carrying a shield, you can swim and climb as fast as you can run, and you gain a +1 bonus to AC.
  8. Simple Sorcery
    You know how to do two of the following hedge-mage tricks with a few seconds of mumbling and finger-waggling:
    1. Light a flammable object at a touch
    2. Bless a fist-sized stone, that it can be thrown with the range of an arrow for 1d6 damage.
    3. Bless a club or staff, that its base damage dice bump up one size.
    4. Produce a terrifying thunderclap with a snap of your fingers
    5. Produce a fistful of maddened, stinging, biting insects
    6. Freeze up to a liter of water
    7. Project your voice through a fire that you can see
    8. Bind a subdued or non-resisting person with tight vines
  9. Superior Technique.
    You learn one maneuver of your choice from among those available to the Wizard archetype.
  10. Thrown Weapon Fighting.
    You can draw and throw a light weapon, even if hidden, with one motion. You gain a +2 bonus to damage with thrown weapons.
  11. Two-Weapon Fighting.
    When holding two weapons, you gain a +1 bonus to melee damage and +1 to AC.
  12. Unarmed Fighting.
    Your hands are medium weapons, which you can "wield" one-handed or two-handed.
    You can automatically bite, strangle and tear a creature you have grappled for 1d6 damage once per turn without using an attack.

(if you were expecting that Brass Man to be a samurai, well, 5e already made a pretty decent samurai. He's at the top of the Barbarian post under the name of "Ancestral Guardian")

Tuesday, November 1, 2022

5 GLOG Wizard Classes, M:tG Style

    I been playing Magic: the Gathering. Here's how to play Magic: the Gathering in GLOG.

Source: in image, art by Jason Kang

    Let me hit you with the basic concept: you're a GLOG wizard, but you don't (necessarily) get MD as you level up. Mana isn't something that humans make for free. If you want magic you need to hardscrab for it, need to tear it out of the still-beating hearts of dragons and so forth.

    The spellcasting mechanics are basically the same as in general GLOG. You have a Mana Pool, and that pool contains Mana Dice, and you roll Mana Dice to achieve effects from the [sum] and [dice], and you want to avoid doubles and triples, and so forth, and so on. You've read a GLOG content before, I don't need to explain the concept. The difference is this: normal GLOG wizards reset their pool at dawn, i.e. dice that have been expended are replaced. These wizards reset their pool at dawn, i.e. any unspent Mana Dice dissipate into the Etheric Planes.

    Wizards in this paradigm have less-convenient ways to add MD to their pool. The first source is consumable items (snorting ground-up wizard brain, smoking lotus flowers, grating priceless gems over pancakes), and I'll write up some of those at the end of this post for giggles.

    The second way is by nicking the natural mana of the land around you. You may tap into your current hex' power to add an MD of the appropriate color. At dawn, when the nigh-limitless octarine energies of the sun bathe the world once more, the land is ready to be tapped again... I guess you could call that untapping, if you wanted to. It has a certain ring to it.

    Some hexes are sources of better MD than others, and their features can influence the base 3-in-6 chance of MD expending or returning to your pool. You can share your domain with other characters, but if other wizards are tapping its power you'll have access to less, and if they're non-wizards they probably want things like "towns" and "roads" and "market days" and other things that will disrupt your magic with prosaic contagion.

    Also, MD have color now. I guess I'll write up some classic GLOG spells' color identity at the end of the post too.

Source: in image

if it's mostly well-tended farmland, +1
mostly well-stewarded pasture, +1
protected by sturdy walls, +1
home to a divine being, +1

home to visible unmanaged population (outsiders, poors, savages), -1
scattered with decaying structures, -1
a battlefield with unburied dead, -1

Source: in image

if it's adjacent to another Island, +1
marked on no outsider's charts, +1
frequently underwater, +1
the residence of a legendary sea-beast, +1
moving, +2

within sight of mainland, -1
well-mapped by outsiders, -1
also some other Land, -1

Source: in image

if it's surrounded by Swamp, +1
full of votive offerings, with mummies slumbering in its depths, +1
the last resting place of the crown/bones/sword of someone famous, +1
particularly acidic, noxious or destructive, +1
a place of hiding and refuge, +1

safely passable, -1
watched over by a non-monstrous fortress or castle, -1
blessed by a still-living cleric in an elaborate ceremony, -1

Source: in image

if it's alone, with no adjacent Mountain, +1
sno-capped, +1
unsummited by Man, +1
home of a dragon, +1
volcanic, +2

well-traveled by caravans, -1
settled by Man, -1
full of locals that don't like you (dwarves, goblins, kobolds), -1

Source: in image
if it's surrounded by Forest, +1
old growth, +1
watched over by a giant ancient tree in the middle, +1
guarded by powerful spirits, +1
home of rare trees, +1

regularly managed (park, orchard, lumber &c), -1
rotten or diseased, -1 (and counts as a 0-in-6 Swamp)
guarded by no spirits at all, -1

Wizard of the Meadow, Coast, Fen, Foothill or Glade

Skills: 1. Academia 2. Occultism 3. Foreign, as the Swedish Chef is foreign
Starting Equipment: wizardly robes (as unarmored but people know you're for real), runéd staff (medium), spellbook (gnarly and probably eyeball-studded) in case, empty scroll case, 3 lotus petals.
  • A School of Magic
  • B Book Casting
  • C Signature Spell
  • D Spell Breeding
School of Magic
    You are a Wizard, with all that that entails. You have 1 spell slot in your brain per level, you start with two random spells, you can move spells between your head and your book with an hour's study, you have mishaps and Dooms as an Orthodox Wizard... Honestly, I feel silly even writing that much out. You're a wizard. Go out and wiz.
Book Casting
    You may cast a spell directly out of your spellbook without preparing it first, or off of a scroll without destroying it (and without getting the extra MD a scroll would usually grant). If you do this in combat the spell goes off at the end of the round and it's possible to interrupt you with an attack.
Signature Spell
    Choose one of your spells. You can no longer roll a mishap when casting that spell.
Spell Breeding
    You can breed spells like expensive and fragile ferrets in a farm for expensive and fragile ferrets. That's not a good metaphor. Assuming you've spent the 100gp on the equipment (which you should set up in your wizard-tower lab) and 25gp on the reagents (which are consumed), you may turn two spells into one spell. Discuss with your DM. This might result in a spell that already exists (like, I dunno, Mage Armor + Levitate = Floating Disc), or in some totally novel creation. You've got a wizard-tower lab, right? It's the 4th level. You ought to have a wizard-tower lab by now.


Skills: 1. Farming 2. Soldiering 3. Banking
Starting Equipment: wooden scale armor (as chain), copper sickle (medium), 3 bundles of holly (⅓rd slot each), flint and tinder.
  • A Druidcraft, +1 green MD
  • B Tappable, +1 green MD
  • C Signature Shape, +1 green MD
  • D Domain Expansion, +1 green MD
    Druids are casters of field and fen, and though more restricted than a Wizard they have a natural font of power to make up for it. You have no spell slots. You have six loyal spells who follow at your heels, changing form with the landscape. They do not return normally after being cast, but must instead be propitiated by burning a bundle of holly. You may not carry ferrous objects and may not read from spellbooks or scrolls (though you may cast from wands and artifacts), and if you ever do so you are ritually unclean, and lose your spells and natural MD until you walk naked around the perimeter of a 6/6 Forest.
  1. Wildshape
    R: n/a T: self D: [sum] minutes
    You turn into a creature with [dice] HD and [sum] HP, or a flying creature with 1 HD and [dice] HP, of a type appropriate to your locale. On a Plain this is a Cat (30' horizontal) or an Eagle (powerful eyesight), on an Island this is a serpent (swimming, crawling) or an Owl (nightvision), in a Swamp this is a Great Toad (poison bite) or a Bat (suck blood to heal), on a Mountain this is a Goat (powerful shove) or a Pterosaur (fireproof), and in a Forest this is a Wolf (skilled hunter) or Dragonfly (inconspicuous). You may not cast in this form. If your Wildshape's HP is depleted, you return to your normal self and take all overflow damage.
  2. Encourage Growth
    R: sight T: an area [dice]*30' in radius D: instant
    Vegetable life in the target area undergoes rapid growth, causing [best] damage to unprotected creatures of your choice and snaring them in place until they can cut or tear themselves free.
  3. Summon Monster
    R: 10' T: a spot a monster can appear in D: indefinite
    Summon a loyal, intelligent creature appropriate to your locale, with [dice] HD and [sum] HP. On a Plain this is a Lion (30' horizontal), on an Island this is a Sphinx (1 blue MD and Counterspell), in a Swamp this is a monstrous Crocodile (heals from eating), on a Mountain this is a Giant (heavy armor, massive weapon), and in a Forest this is a Bear (mighty). They remember you between casting, and will object to repeated use in weapon-testing or other boring and unpleasant tasks. They disappear at-will or upon reaching 0 hitpoints and your MD remain invested until this happens.
  4. Disrupt Artifice
    R: touch T: an ongoing spell or a magic item D: see description
    If the target is an ongoing spell (an enchantment or curse &c), subtract [dice] and [sum] from it. If the target is a magic item, it becomes unusable for [sum] minutes, hours, days or years depending on how many [dice] were spent.
  5. Compel Duel
    R: sight T: creatures D: [dice] rounds
    Select up to [sum] HP's worth of valid targets. They become murderously (but not suicidally) hostile to each other for the duration. 
  6. Bring Disaster
    R: n/a T: current hex D: see description
    A natural disaster strikes within the hour. On a Plain this is a tornado, on an Island this is a tidal wave, in a Swamp this is a monsoon, on a Mountain this is an earthquake, and in a Forest this is a wildfire. At 1 [die], it is limited enough in scale that creatures may flee and only fragile buildings are threatened. At 2 [dice] it is serious enough to ruin a sturdy building or harm unwary creatures. At 3 it may ravage a small town and threatens all unprotected creatures in the affected area. At 4 [dice], the disaster overwhelms the entire hex, and can wipe populations from the map.
    If you are willing, another caster can tap you for one of your MD.
Signature Shape
    Choose one of your Wildshape forms. You can always change into that shape, even when in other regions. You may choose another form with a day-long ritual at a 6/6 Forest.
Domain Expansion
    Choose a Land type. You have a demiplane of sorts which takes the form of a small area of the chosen Land type. While inside this demiplane you may tap the hex as if it were of the same Land type. Once per dawn, with a wave of your hands, you may lay your demiplane around you, shifting space and terrain and buildings and dungeons to fit. They return to normal when the demiplane moves again.


Skills: 1. Dungeon maintenance and janitorial duties 2. Alchemy 3. Law enforcement
Starting Equipment: dark clothing (as unarmored, +1 to sneaking attempts), poniard (light), empty scroll, mark of loyalty to your Patron, 3 lotus petals.
  • A Patron, Boon
  • B Pact
  • C Debt
  • D Ultimate Aspect
    Some Warlocks have fallen from the ranks of other casters, but most are novices more eager for power than for the subtle pleasures of spellbook-scribbling and magical research. They are to Clerics as rideshare drivers are to unionized cabbies.
    As a Warlock you may use all magical accoutrements (spellbooks, scrolls, wands &c) that a Wizard can, but your brain has room for only 1 spell slot. Choose from: a powerful Fairy Prince, a mid-ranking Hellish bureaucrat, or a loose-cannon Angel. They want to use you for their own ends. Choose one spell from your entire list and roll 1d8 for another one, at this level and all subsequent levels.

    Your patron gives you a small gift of your choice. Devil and Fairy are both on there already, but it's up to you whether your Angel serves the Sun, Moon, Rain, Ocean or Winter; they'll bring you the appropriate gifts. You might be able to swap these out at a shrine to your patron, if you've been nice to them.
    Your patron bestows a significant gift upon you. Choose from the Blade, the Chain or the Book, and gain the indicated gift.
    Warlocks of the Blade have a bound weapon. You may designate a weapon, magical or otherwise, as their Pact Weapon. You may summon your Pact Weapon to your hand with a thought. If you wish to designate a new weapon as your Pact Weapon you may do so at a shrine to your patron. Regardless of what the weapon actually is, you are proficient in its use and its damage counts as magical against undead and werewolfs and so forth.
    Warlocks of the Chain have a familiar. Your familiar is a tiny pixie, imp or putti, is under your control in combat, can communicate with you telepathically, and can cast your spells as if they were you. If they die they return to your side the next time you sleep.
of the Book have a powerful spellbook. It comes three Wizard spells of your choice, and when you choose the book you gain an additional spell slot. At-will, you may cause this book to disintegrate into ash. You'll find its identical copy at a shrine to your patron.
    You may tap your patron for a Mana Die of any color. They expect repayment at their shrines in an appropriate form (10gp of expensive trinkets, 1HD of blood sacrifice, or a sleepless night of flagellation and prayer, to wit). Once you're in the hole for [level] MD or more, they won't loan you anything else until you repay in full. On certain occasions they might run you some more credit in exchange for small favors, ones liable to cause chaos in the civilized world, lead to the slow downfall of Moral Society, or undo the work of some other Warlock. Up to the DM.
Ultimate Aspect
    Long association with your patron has permanently marked you. Fey Warlocks may snuff fires with a glance and rapidly decay iron with a touch, and their eyes shift color, pattern and material when they aren't concentrating on just the one. Diabolical Warlocks may draw up binding contracts, and are followed by a mild whiff of coal smoke and cigars. Celestial Warlocks may cast sunlight from their face at-will, and become notably more attractive and trustworthy-lookin'.

Warlock Mishaps:
  1. All MD cast in the spell are expended.
  2. Malicious spirits nip at your soul. Take 1d6 damage.
  3. 1d6 rounds of madness.
  4. Your patron is in a Bad Mood. Gain a permanent mutation.
  5. Your patron is in a Good Mood. They have a new plot, and to complete it they just need a small favor, almost nothing at all really, from you, just a moment of your time...
  6. Your patron isn't paying attention to you at all. The spell is delayed by 1d4-2 rounds. Yes, this means it might go off before it was cast. That's the DM's problem, not mine.

Warlock Dooms:
  1. The Warlock has called upon his patron's power at an inopportune time. A claw, paw or tentacle of whatever entity the patron was fighting has breached reality near the Warlock. Treat this as a 6HD monster which strikes once a round for 3d6 damage. Ignored or fled, the entity (12HD, strikes twice a round for 3d8 damage) breaches completely on a 2-in-6 chance, with serious consequences for the surrounding environment.
  2. The Warlock's mistake is compounded. As above, but the entity breaches reality immediately.
  3. The Warlock has fucked it good and proper for the last time. Everything and everyone within 30' are dragged bodily into patron's realm to fight an incursion of cosmic horrors. If they survive, the Warlock no longer rolls Dooms.

Fey Spells
  1. Charm
  2. Sleep
  3. Disguise
  4. Invisibility
  5. Levitate
  6. Mage Armor
  7. Scry
  8. Illusion

Diabolical Spells:
  1. Knock
  2. Prismatic Ray
  3. Disguise
  4. Invisibility
  5. Levitate
  6. Mage Armor
  7. Scry
  8. Illusion

Celestial Spells:
  1. Doom Song
  2. Hypnotic Orb
  3. Disguise
  4. Invisibility
  5. Levitate
  6. Mage Armor
  7. Scry
  8. Illusion


Skills: 1. Book-Keeping 2. Public Speaking 3. Archaeology
Starting Equipment: clerical robes (as unarmored, +1 to reactions from common folk), holy symbol, empty spellbook (black leather and gilt edges), heavy club (medium), 3 lotus petals.
  • A Divine Grace
  • B Book Casting
  • C Always Welcome
  • D Monsignor
Divine Grace
    The casters that common folk Clerics wander the world serving the great powers; the Sun, the Moon, the Rain, the Ocean, the Winter. These Clerics often have funny ideas about right and wrong, about who should lead and who should follow, about whether or not the gains of adventure are subject to tithe; nevertheless, they are a bulwark against the darkness.
    As a Cleric, you get 1 spell slot per template. You are permitted to fiddle with wands and scrolls and other accoutrements of wizardry, but your real strength lies in your Angels. An Angel is like a spell, except she's all aglow and sparkly and such, and she's far too proud (not to mention too large) to be stuffed into a book. Every dawn, choose as many Angels as you have templates in this class to accompany you that day; you may not double up, you've only got the one of each. After being cast, Angels return to Heaven to tell the great powers what you've been up to.
Book Casting
    As a Wizard.
Always Welcome
    Tales of your good deeds, hopefully true ones, have spread far and wide. You have a +[level] bonus to reaction rolls with the common folk, and your presence applies a -[level] penalty to morale checks from assorted bastards.
    You've become so well known that 2d6 0th-level disciples follow you from town to town. They're loyal, and brave enough to follow you into a dungeon, but not particularly competent. If you want to start something greater, you'll have to begin work on a domain.

Cleric Mishaps:
  1. All MD cast in the spell are expended.
  2. The strain proves too much. Take 1d6 damage.
  3. You saw what Angels really look like. Roll a random mutation. After 1 minute, save or it's permanent.
  4. All Angels leave in a hurry, they need to be somewhere, sorry.
  5. You fear the sky for 1d6 rounds.
  6. No spellcasting for 1d6 rounds.

Cleric Dooms:
  1. One of the great powers has begun to hate you. Choose. When in the presence of that great power, random chance turns against you. 
  2. Another of the great powers has begun to hate you. The DM rolls. When in the presence of that great power, random chance turns against you. When in the presence of two, freak accidents repeatedly occur, with your destruction as their obvious goal.
  3. A third of the great powers has begun to hate you. The DM rolls, but it doesn't really matter; three out of five is a simple majority. If you are ever in the presence of all three at once (including when you roll this Doom), your heart and everything within 10' of it is scooped out of existence.

  1. Kindness
    Kindness wears a baseball cap and sunglasses so it's impossible to say what she looks like. Yours must be broken or something, because she never actually leaves to go back to Heaven. She'll try her hand at almost anything for some MD — though she's terribly incompetent and, to be honest, prone to criminalisms. If it matters, she can lift an object of [sum] pounds without dropping it and bursting into tears.
  2. Heal
    R: touch T: an injured person D: instant
    Heal is a mature woman in a white smock, with a gentle glow around her face (featureless but for a toothy maw). She quickly sews shut lacerations, sets bones, removes a fatal wound, and heals for [sum] hitpoints.
  3. Turn Undead
    R: [dice]*30' T: undead within range D: [dice] minutes
    Turn is a petulcous woman in heavy working clothes, with a ram's horns and a ram's eyes. Targets are harried, shoved, prodded, butted, grappled and frogmarched out of arm's reach of range.
  4. Kindle
    : touch T: a creature or object within reach D: instant
    Kindle is a frightening woman in evening wear, with an enthusiastic snarl and thick smoked lenses. She sets the target alight for a moment, igniting flammable substances and dealing [sum] damage. If used on an unwilling creature, the spell is an unarmed attack that ignores armor.
  5. Rebuke
    R: sight T: all creatures in range D: [dice] minutes
    Rebuke is an unforgiving woman, wearing a blindfold and wielding brass scales like a horrible double-headed ball and chain. She immediately ends any ongoing fight, and for the duration any who attempt something hostile (say, by attacking or by casting a damaging spell) take [best] damage without a save.


Skills: 1. Imperialism 2. Increasingly alarming personal history 3. Just the normal kind of history
Starting Equipment: outlandish outfit (as unarmored, +1 to reactions from openminded folk), impractical weapon (your choice), cover off of a spellbook (begemmed), 3 lotus petals.
  • A Heritage, +1 Meta Die
  • B Metamagic, +1 MD
  • C Exploding, +1 MD
  • D Changeable, +1 MD
    Certain people are born better than others, and by "certain people" we of course mean Sorcerers, and by "others" we of course mean Wizards. You're a chad. You're hot shit. You've got the blood of G_d in your veins, or maybe dragon-fire, or maybe you're just that good.
    As a Sorcerer, you get 1 spell slot per template. You can (that is, must) cast from a spellbook like the page is a scroll (i.e. burning it up, getting an extra Mana Die of the appropriate color, and losing the spell). It takes you 8 hours to move spells between your head and a spellbook, and you can never craft scrolls or breed spells, because sorcerers aren't fucking nerds, alright? Alright? Fuck you. You also have Meta Dice which can be added to spells to boost their [sum] and [dice], but don't have a color, so can't be used to cast a (normal) spell on their own.
    When you roll doubles, you experience a Wild Magic Surge, instead of a mishap or such, and the DM rolls secretly on the table. When you roll triples, that counts as three unique doubles. Quadruples would be six unique doubles, I think, but who's counting?
    For each Meta Die involved in casting the spell, you may add a meta-effect of your choice that changes its nature. You may only add a meta-effect once. Mostly nicked from here.
    Your MD explode on a 6 or higher.
    The DM will now tell you what Wild Magic Surges were rolled. If you like, you can roll another one. If you do so, you may remove one.

  1. Widen: Area-of-effect spell doubles its radius.
  2. Silent: Casting is silent.
  3. Quicken: You may take another action this turn.
  4. Extend: Duration of the spell is multiplied by a factor of [dice]+1.
  5. Specificate: Range becomes [dice] miles. If the target is not within line of sight, you must know the precise location relative to your own or, if the target is a creature, you must be holding a part of that creature.
  6. Twin: Single-target spell hits another target.
  7. Surge: Roll a Wild Magic Surge.
  8. Maximize: After determining how many surges were rolled and how many [dice] exploded, all MD came up 6. Expend them and calculate [sum] accordingly.

Wild Surge
  1. For the rest of the day, when you speak you breathe fire for 10' and 1d6 damage.
  2. Swarm of rodents appears and carries you 30' in a random direction.
  3. Every creature within 30' of you levitates six inches off the ground. They may paddle around but cannot walk.
  4. A 1HD Fire Elemental appears. He is friendly to you, but not loyal.
  5. Lightning strikes one person within 1 mile at random.
  6. All plants within 1 mile become animate and hostile.
  7. You are cursed to be bright blue.
  8. A strong pleasant smell wafts out of you and follows you for the next day.
  9. A rain cloud forms above your head and rains in a 10' radius for the next hour.
  10. You grow a prehensile lizard tail, which you can sunder as a shield to deflect 1d6 damage from an attack.
  11. You grow 1d6 inches taller or shorter.
  12. Your intense magical radiation accidentally aligned with that of a devil from the Fourth Hell, causing an apprentice magician to summon you into a binding circle. They assume you are the imp under a cunning disguise.
  13. Two identical copies of you appear and attempt to convince everyone they're the real you. They disappear after taking 6 damage.
  14. Spell ricochets to random target.
  15. [sum] is increased by 7.
  16. The money in your pocket cycles, copper -> silver, silver -> gold, gold -> copper.
  17. Smoking gnats (gnats with cigarettes, not burning gnats) pour out of your ears for 1 minute, making it difficult to hide or concentrate.
  18. You are surrounded by a spectral shield for 1 minute, +2 AC, all spells you cast or are cast on you have a 2-in-6 chance of being reflected.
  19. A small explosion covers your face in soot and singes your eyebrows. If you cough loudly and say "Well, that just happened!" the DM applauds and grants you 25XP.
  20. A confused, hungry 4HD bear appears within 60'.
  21. Punch through the skybox and into the Akashic Record. Save vs. a random madness, and ask one yes-or-no question on any subject for a truthful answer. You fall back to the earth for 1d6 damage.
  22. The nearest wand, or wand-like stick, turns into an angry rattlesnake for 1 minute.
  23. All artifacts within 60' activate and discharge to the best of the DM's ability.
  24. A bird flies out of your sleeve. If you aren't wearing clothes with sleeves, a bird appears and brings you a pair of sleeves.
  25. All fires within 60' are snuffed
  26. Brilliant light emits from you, blinding you and creatures who can see you for 1 minute
  27. All weapons within 60' become intelligent and can speak the language of their wielder. Roll for alignment.
  28. All casters within 60' lose the ability to cast spells for an hour.
  29. You glow in the presence of a random race for the next year.
  30. Your hair immediately grows to floor length.
  31. All body hair falls out.
  32. People are under the impression they can freely insult you for 1 day.
  33. A random spell from your spell list is dual-cast at the same target.
  34. The nearest dragon is loudly alerted of your presence and exact location.
  35. All corpses within 1 mile are reanimated as unhelpful skeletons.
  36. The nearest corpse is resurrected, permanently.
  37. A 60' radius around you becomes hallowed ground that evil creatures cannot enter
  38. A 60' radius around you becomes unhallowed ground that good creatures cannot enter
  39. Punch through reality to enter the Ethereal Plane for [sum] minutes, returning to a safe spot.
  40. A random creature within 60' is transported to Hell for [sum] minutes. They reappear in a safe spot, but noticeably changed by the experience.
  41. Closest NPC's alignment and opinion of you is inverted.
  42. Your next attack is a guaranteed critical hit.
  43. You turn into a talking dog for 1 hour. Your abilities are otherwise unaffected.
  44. You gain a random mutation, permanently.
  45. All creatures within 60' gain the same random mutation for 1 minute. 
  46. Your emotions can be smelled by nearby creatures for 1 day.
  47. Your hands pop right off. They scuttle around with the stats of a Crab, and you'll have to coax them back yourself. 
  48. You are covered in an airtight layer of 5gp of gold leaf. Takes about six seconds to tear your face free.
  49. Your head becomes a prime nesting spot for a kind of interdimensional hair-eating hummingbird. If you refuse to do your duty (nest hat) you are helping to destroy an endangered species 😔
  50. You become imbued with quintessence, and thus can only move in circles and ellipses and such. The next spell you cast discharges the aether, causing its path to curve towards a random target and ending this effect.
  51. Geometric outlines raise beneath your skin and twist and grind against each other like a puzzle desperately trying to solve itself. Hope it doesn't, 1-in-100 chance it does.
  52. Your footsteps are loud enough to crack glass for 1 hour. 
  53. The spell fails utterly, though dice are expended as normal, and a cloud overhead spells out the word  N O .
  54. The memory of a forgotten passion returns with full force. Next time you're in town, you must obtain at least 50gp worth of candy and collectible cards. 
  55. You vomit up your own weight in raw hamburger.
  56. You startle as if waking from deep sleep, now holding bolt cutters, a crowbar, and a small opal from... somewhere.
  57. One of your skills turns into a little skillmunculus and runs off, gleefully performing its thing (cobblemunculus cobbles, historymunculus postulates, &c). Anyone who eats it gains the skill.
  58. You are now on a horse. The horse is running very fast. The horse does not like you, and does not want you on it.
  59. Them Changes, by Thundercat, plays at 180 decibels from the nearest tree. 
  60. You forget all languages for 1 hour.
  61. You have to walk backwards. This makes running difficult.
  62. The spell gains 1 [dice] for every wedding you, the player, have attended.
  63. 216 Modrons appear and begin constructing a machine out of nearby parts, such as treasure and traps and doors and magic swords.
  64. All food on your person rots to nothing.
  65. Somewhere, somewhen, the King of Beetles takes a step to the left. This is unlikely to affect your life in any way. 
  66. You are cursed with face-blindness. You're essentially a Hitman NPC until someone removes the curse.
  67. You become somewhat unsure any of this, you or your world, is real.
  68. 4d10 heavily-armed 1HD warriors, four 2HD sergeants and one 4HD captain arrive at your location. Roll reaction to see what they think of you.
  69. You turn into a silhouette for 1 day. This makes you invisible in darkness
  70. All casters within 60' reset their MD pools. 
  71. The next attack against you is a guaranteed critical hit
  72. Your templates change to a random GLOG class for 1 day. 
  73. For the next 24 hours, you taste sounds and hear colors. Being angry makes you cold and being happy makes you purple.
  74. All creatures within 60' sprout antlers. They shed them in late November.
  75. You become imbued with earth, and thus are drawn almost irresistibly down. Until you fall at least 20' you cannot float in water and must save to not investigate a cool (DM's discretion) cave.
  76. A 6HD sphinx appears and asks you a cunning riddle. She'll reward you with a minor magic item if you pass, and attempt to eat you if you fail.  
  77. A 6HD sphonx appears and asks you a bullshit riddle. He'll get bored after about thirty seconds, whether you answer or not, and attempt to eat you. 
  78. Your two (1. legs 2. arms 3. eyes 4. ears 5. kidneys 6. brain hemispheres) unionize. If one of them stops working, they both will. If they perceive that you're overusing them, 1-in-6 chance they agree to go on strike (they don't cooperate as a team very well). 
  79. The next time it rains in this hex, it will rain toxic frogs. 
  80. All flammable clothing within 60' catches fire.
    Here are some mana items:
  1. Lotus Petal. Smoked in a pipe to grant you 1 MD of any color. 1gp each.
  2. Sol Ring. May be tapped to add 2 colorless MD to your pool. 200gp.
  3. Spellish Dynamo. Horrible mechanical gizmo, something like a hamster wheel, that tuckers out one of your spells for the day and adds 1 colorless MD to your pool. 50gp, 1 slot.
  4. It's 6:20 I don't give a shit. Google the phrase "mana rock".

    Here are some selected Wizard Spells and their color identities.
  1. Charm - white
  2. Color Spray - white
  3. Disguise - blue
  4. Doom Song - black
  5. Explode Corpse - black
  6. Fade - blue
  7. Fear - black
  8. Feather Fall - white
  9. Fireball - red
  10. Floating Disk - blue
  11. Grease - red
  12. Hypnotic Orb - white
  13. Illusion - blue
  14. Invisibility - blue
  15. Knock - red
  16. Levitate - blue
  17. Light - white
  18. Lock - blue
  19. Mage Armor - green
  20. Magic Missile - red
  21. Mirror Image - blue
  22. Mirror Object - colorless
  23. Mirror Self - blue
  24. Prismatic Ray - red
  25. Raise Zombie - black
  26. Rot - black
  27. Scry - blue
  28. Sleep - blue
  29. Wall of Light - white
  30. Web - green
  31. Wizard Vision - blue

    Incidentally, this is how interpreted my prompt of "diegetic Magic"