Wednesday, December 25, 2019

A Sack Full of Toys (Merry Christmas to All)

Here are a bunch of magical artifacts and character quirks. This is scraped off of a two-year-old Google Doc where I put down as-yet unused material. The tone and quality may vary, possibly to a large degree. Some of these are not good ideas. I make no guarantee and the user assumes all risks. Merry Christmas.
This picture is a little horrifying but I hope you accept it in the spirit intended.

1. Unicorn Cigar
A small, delicate cigarillo. It is extremely high quality and smells like rainbow frosting. When smoked your HP maximum goes up by 2d6 and your lifespan increases by the same number of years. One unicorn provides enough material for one cigar.
If you smoke even a single unicorn cigar, Fairies can always tell.
2. Devil Cigar
A really good cigar with a spicy aftertaste. Devils hand these out pretty much constantly and throw in cases of them lagniappe for a deal. Regular access to these is the sign of a dangerous person. 
3. Phoenix Cigar
A cigar made out of reddish tobacco. You and your equipment cannot be burned while smoking it, and the ashes reform during the next new moon.
There are only 108 of these in the world and some of them are forgotten or irretrievable. Archwizards smoke them as a badge of office.
4. Troll Cigar
A really awful cigar. It burns backwards — that is, as you smoke it it gets longer. Eventually you can cut it in half to get a second troll cigar. Three kinds of people smoke these: the miserably destitute who can afford no better, the members of the Thugs Guild who think awful cigars are macho, and spies who want you to think they are part of the first two.
5. Pollywog Gloves
Green with sticky white pads on the fingertips. While wearing these gloves you can swing your weapons underwater as if you were on dry land.
6. Pollywog Hood
Looks like a cute cartoon frog with big eyes. While wearing this hood you can breathe underwater.
7. Pollywog Slippers
Big, floppy green toes that make splat-splat-splat sounds. You can walk underwater as if you were walking on dry land.
8. Blind.
You can't see but you can speak with the dead.
9. Bloodwrath.
When initiative is rolled, roll a d6. On a 6 you are raging, and will attack the closest person. You always deal full damage while raging. Every time you roll a 6 the range you need to roll on the d6 increases by one (6, 5–6, 4–5–6 etc.)
You can always choose to enter bloodwrath but you still roll to see if the range increases. When your chance to rage is six-in-six you are no longer capable of controlling your character during combat.
While raging you must throw down your shield and use your weapon two handed (die size up). If already using a two handed weapon, you pick up a second weapon and use your previous weapon one handed (die size down, attack with both simultaneously.)
10. Monastic.
People mostly won't attack you, but you can't carry edged weapons. If you start a fight everyone knows you broke your vows.
11. Thief.
Good at sneaking, bad reputation.
12. Wanderer.
Always get an extra roll on the rumor table.
13. Warrior.
Start with an extra weapon and an enemy with a grudge.
14. The More Sword.
When you draw this sword, you split into a bunch of color-coded copies of yourself. Each have a color-coded copy of the More Sword and are wearing color-coded clothes. You can't die unless every copy dies. Dead copies come back to life if any copy makes it back to the stone.
15. Gust Jar.
A little bigger than a mason jar, made out of blue and white ceramic. Sucks things in and blows things out. Shreds shrubbery good.
16. Magic Boomerang
Always returns. Hits around corners.
17. Magic Bombs
You can carry 20 of them in bag the size of a bowling ball. 3d6 Thunder damage; half on a con save.
18. Hookshot
Powerful automatic grappling hook. Doesn't work on smooth stone or metal.
19. Ice Rod
A successful attack roll freezes and incapacitates an enemy. If they take damage they break free from the ice.
20. Fire Rod
Creates a 5x5 foot square of fire. Recharges after 10 rounds/one minute. The fire is magical and sticks around on its own for 5 rounds/thirty seconds, setting flammable things on fire.
21. Cane of Pacci
Flips objects upside down and sets them down gently. If you cast this on an object which is held in place, anything inside it is rapidly ejected.
22. Beetle
Retrieves objects and returns to roost on your wrist.
23. Sand Rod
Raises sand in great waves. A dangerous weapon in the hands of a clever adventurer.
24. Friendship Ring
25. Red Ring
A gorgeous ruby the size of an egg on a art-deco silver band. Doubles damage you deal with weapons.
26. Blue Ring
A gorgeous sapphire the size of an egg on a rococo gold band. Halves the damage you take from weapons..
27. Green Ring
A massive emerald, so heavy its steel band must be worn on two fingers. Doubles your weapon damage; halves weapon damage taken.
28. Cursed Ring
The grey stone on this ring is carved into the shape of a hooded face. All damage you deal is reduced by half. All damage you receive is doubled. Master swordsmen wear these just to experience a little challenge.
29. Expert Ring
The red stone on this ring is carved into the shape of a closed fist. Your punches and kicks deal as much damage as a sword.
30. Blast Ring
This ring has a shiny piece of jet shaped like a bomb. Your bombs deal twice as much damage.
31. Rang Ring
A blue stone crooked 100°. Boomerang damage doubled.
32. Maple's Ring
The orange stone on this ring resembles a bow. Cute witch girls like you more and give you stuff.
33. Toss Ring
The pale stone on this wring is shaped like a feather. You can throw things twice as far.
34. Swimmer's Ring
Blue stone, shaped like a swirl of water. You swim twice as fast.
35. Charge Ring
A silver ring with a little silver sword on it. Spin attack readies instantly.
36. Light Ring 1
Small green stone in a silver flower. Your sword beam still works at three-quarters health.
37. Light Ring 2
Small blue stone in a silver flower. Your sword beam still works at one-half health.
38. Green Lucky Ring
Shield-cut emerald. Half damage from blade traps.
39. Blue Lucky Ring
Shield cut sapphire. Half damage from laser traps.
40. Gold Lucky Ring
Shield cut topaz. Half damage from falling.
41. Red Lucky Ring
Shield cut ruby. Half damage from spike traps.
42. Green Holy Ring
Oval cut emerald. Immunity to electricity.
43. Blue Holy Ring
Oval cut sapphire. Immunity to fire.
44. Red Holy Ring
Oval cut ruby. Ignore bludgeoning damage which is lower than 6.
45. Snowshoe Ring
Large, square-cut ruby. Walk normally over ice and snow without slipping.
46. Roc Ring
Odd triskelion-shaped orange stone. Any object you can balance on will bear your weight; this includes weakened floors, rotting fences, and the tips of tree branches.
47. Quicksand Ring
A strangely-shaped blue stone which seems to change shape when you aren't looking at it. You can't be moved by the environment — currents don't push you while you swim, quicksand doesn't drag you down, moving floors glide beneath the soles of your shoes without disturbing you.
48. Red Joy Ring
The red stone resembles a coin. Double money received.
49. Blue Joy Ring
The blue stone resembles a stylized heart. Double healing recieved.
50. Gold Joy Ring
Two gold coins from a lost empire, fused into one hideously tacky ring. Double money, healing received.
51. Octo Ring
Looks like a little statue of an octorok on a ring. Turns you into an octorok. Octoroks won't attack you.
52. Moblin Ring
Looks like a little statue of a moblin on a ring. Turns you into a moblin. Moblins won't attack you.
53. Likelike Ring
Looks like a little statue of a likelike on a ring. Turns you into a likelike. Likelikes won't attack you.
54. Spin Ring
A copper ring with a little copper sword. Spin attacks deal double damage.
55. Bombproof Ring
This ring has a ruby shaped like a bomb. You are immune to your own bombs.
56. Energy Ring
An electrum ring with a complicated art-nouveau design and a small red stone. Your spin attack is a beam instead, following the same rules.
57. Whimsical Ring.
Large cushion-cut ruby. Critical hits instantly kill the target, whether they are a mouse or a mighty dragon. Your weapons otherwise deal no damage.
58. Hope
A dagger with a robins-egg blade. Heals instead of deals damage.
59. Despair
A dagger with a sooty gray blade. Deals damage equal to triple the healing the target has received today (sum up all of the healing!).
60. 00 The Fool
A cheap bit of cardboard with the classic Pixie design, stocked by most alchemists. Your next critical failure is a normal success. The card burns to ash when this happens.
61. 10 Wheel of Fortune
A cheap bit of cardboard with the classic Pixie design, stocked by most alchemists. Light the card on fire, roll 5d20, record the results. The next five times you would roll a d20 consult the list instead.
62. 11 Justice
A cheap bit of cardboard with the classic Pixie design, stocked by most alchemists. Every attack you make hits and you are hit by every attack made against you. If you make or receive a critical hit the card burns to ash.
63. Flaneur
Class: A spoiled noble brat. Quickwitted, armed with a foil.
64. Witch
Class: A universally hated outcast. Spiteful and powerful.
65. Occultist
Class: A born sucker. Unpredictable and cowardly.
66. Soldier
Class: An enthusiastic killer. Chipper and disrespectful.
67. Lancer
Class: A care-worn veteran. Helpful but haunted.
68. Priest
Class: A naive want-to-be. Loaded with miracles, freezes in a pinch.
69. Sandman
Class: Secretly a spider-puppet.
70. Lonk
Class: A classic hero. Carries everything on his back.
71. Alchemist
Class: A dangerous lunatic. Convinced he can defeat death; will die trying.
72. Skellington
Class: A bony redneck. Blue-collar working-class salt-of-the-earth, immune to magic.
73. Scriborrheic Pen
When you write down your thoughts with this pen, things from Elsewhere write down theirs as well. Communication is possible but strenuously recommended against.
74. Flying Blade
A dagger. While you are holding it, you and your equipment are invisible except for the knife.
75. Not-Knife
A dagger. While you are holding it, it is invisible.
76. Devilbone Dice
A pair of six-sided dice, white and black. If you roll them, record the results. Add the white die to your next d20 roll. Subtract the black die from the roll after that.
77. Occulted Mask
Classic domino mask. Anyone wearing this mask just looks like "a masked man", regardless of any other identifying features. They all look like the same masked man, too.
78. Staccato Stiletto
Awful goblin weapon. Sticks in the wound, dealing 1d4 damage a turn. If the attack was a surprise the knife is stuck in their back and they can't pull it out by themselves.
79. Counter Ermine
Sucks up darkness, letting you see without light. When you take it off and throw it on the ground the ermine releases the darkness in a cloud 20 feet across.
80. Beech Dummy
Stick your hand up its ass and feel something bite you. You are now a two foot tall, six pound wooden puppet. Don’t worry, no one will notice; the dummy will take good care of your body while you’re gone.
81. Tabula Nefekh Anthrax
carefully written alchemical instructions, in the Occulted language, to make powerful explosives out of silver bullion.
82. Rebel's Boots
pour flour into the right boot, pour out as much gunpowder. Pour corn into the left boot, pour out as much lead shot.
83. Mirror Mask
anyone who looks directly at you sees a doppelgänger. not really a great mask. not very stealthy.
84. Lucky Star
hold this small silver spoon to speak with your birth star. Eccentric personality, sees anything that happens outside at night. will help you unless you are working against another person with the same birthstar (there are 108 possible birthstars). in that case, will attempt to negotiate peace.
85. Foolish Hope
bloodstained crossbow bolt with poorly carved runes of Dragonslaying. 4-in-6 chance of being incorrectly identified as runes of Vampireslaying. Do not shoot a vampire with this.
86. MY DIARY đź’“
Personal journal of Ozurdex the Groping Hand, the Necroprince of Hell. Someone has used it to press flowers — in fact, they have used every page. The text is now illegible. Opening the book kills every bird within half a mile.
87. Ring of Saffron
wear this to exude a pleasant scent.
88. Alchemical Sapphire
a lump of the material, with a screw attachment to fit on the tip of a foil. Alchemical sapphire affects the supernatural. Hunt ghosts with a sword.
89. Packet of Lead Sugar
tastes like home. lose a point from your highest stat. 1-in-6 chance (cumulative) that you get it back after a full night’s rest.
90. Everlasting Candy
never need to eat again as long as you keep it in your mouth. 1-in-6 chance of swallowing it if you take damage. roll for a mutation on subtable: “Totally Fucked” when you do.
91. Goblin Toothpaste
gives you a green smile and a quiet discontent that never really goes away.
92. Elf Toothpaste
gives you a sparkling smile and a sense of superiority.
93. Hobbit Toothpaste
made with 100% free-range hobbits.
94. La Carte Tortue
extensive notes on the migration of the giant island turtles of the southern seas. one is marked with "montagne d'or & enorme serpent"
95. Golden Lock
the hair of some unknown warrior. tie around someone's wrist to inextricably bind them. tie around someone's throat to kill them, even if they don't need to breathe.
96. Widowmaker Shawl
during the day a very nice cape/blanket/ascot. at night a voracious mimic.
97. Anfractuous Pearl
If you break it open, there is another anfractuous pearl inside which is the exact same size. the pearl fragments are otherwise unremarkable.
98. Eyewatering Thurible
You are blind and invisible while incense burns in this thurible.
99. Ylem Shard
two-inch fragment of green glass sharp enough to cut anything instantly. hold the blunt end carefully. much, much more Real than you are.
100. Null Pondwater
drink this to smell like nothing permanently.
101. Devil's Horn
"Sound not in peace; Once in doubt; Twice in peril; Thrice to perish." If you blow on this horn once, you summon an obedient devil to protect you from your enemies. If you blow on it twice, you summon 4d6+4 devils. Once plus twice is three times and so all of the devils immediately kill you. You suckers make this too easy.
102. Silver Brush
The brush is coated with a layer of silver metallic liquid at all times. Whatever surface you brush turns into a perfect mirror for 30 minutes
103. Lead Pendulum
doubles the duration of magic all effecting or caused by you (good and bad)
104. Brilliant Periapt
weak undead abandon everything to run away from you. visible five miles on a clear day, fifteen on a clear night.
105. Arid Fan
food fanned with this object immediately dries out and can't be spoiled by normal means. ineffective but irritating when used on humans.
106. Goldbug Glass
a telescope that peers through solid objects instead of air. Confiscated from a bank robber.
107. Skeleton Key
When you attempt to unlock a door with this key the door turns into a skeleton as difficult to kill as the lock would have been to pick
108. Thousand-Fold Bow
A seasoned yew bow which has been folded more than one-thousand times. impressive, but real trick is finding arrows that small.
109. Black Mirror
Looks deep. Really isn't that deep.
110. Clumsy Hand
A tiny silver hand. When you sneak it into someone's pocket, their punches and kicks have incredibly poor form.
111. Idiot Strength
A copper icon of a flexing man. +1 to strength, -1 to intelligence when in your possession.
112. Unbreakable Nut
An almond in a shell. Totally indestructible. Older than the universe.
113. Flame-of-Fire Eye
A painting of a dangerous lich's one true love. If you make eye contact with the figure in the painting you die instantly, no save. You probably encounter this wrapped thoroughly in brown paper with clear instructions on the back.
114. Ring of Ugliness
Your name is now Stephen.
115. Ring of Annato
wear this to exude a pleasant scent. You know where the Ring of Saffron is and you really want to kill the person wearing it.
116. Ring
Doesn't do anything, but when you put it on it whirrrrrrrs up like a jet engine.
117. Bipartite Ring
Rotate one part of the ring relative to the other to change your perception of time. The effects are logarithmic - one quarter twist makes you see the world ten times slower, one half one thousand, three quarters one million, full turn ten billion. Make a save every year or lose your mind.
118. Rock of Taste
Piece of sandstone, tastes like whatever the last thing it touched was (probably your hand)
119. Orichalcum Razor
Cuts through anything instantly. Refuses to cut living flesh or anything which the razor personally considers to be beautiful.
120. Cloak of Non-Description
Even better than a cloak of invisibility. Nobody really notices or cares that you are wearing this huge billowy cloak, and they'll never think to check the pockets. If you wrap yourself up then most people will just ignore you and then forget that they ignored you.
121. Sleep Draught
200% efficiency sleep. Four hours, out cold, can only be awakened by magic. Most alchemists stock this.
122. Dried Crocodile Penis
dried penis of Lorn Set, the Smiling Bachelor, God of Crocodiles and Headhunters. Currently suspended in expensive scotch sealed in an alchemical sapphire bottle. If you open the bottle He immediately knows where you are. Do not open the bottle.
123. We Come In Peace
a scimitar named for the elfish lettering on its blade. d8 slashing, 2d8 surprise attack on shorter people or dwarfs.
124. Svetlana
A steel smith’s mallet. Once a day, the wielder may summon the shade of an ancestor with 8 HP. Shades must be paid in weapons and armor. At the end of the day, they take their equipment back to the afterlife to fight demons.
125. Ontoclysmic Svetlana
Same as Svetlana, but it summons three shades and they are all carrying an ontoclysmic Svetlana.
126. Old Man's Eye
a brand burned onto the forehead. The Old Man Under the Ice can see through this brand and may choose to whisper into your mind. He desires to be freed from his prison under the southern seas. As his body is eight miles long he is always looking for more icecutters.
127. Fisher's Cicatrix
an elaborate scar formed by the ritual tearing of flesh with hooks. The Fisherwoman can only manifest by controlling the bodies of her faithful. She desires to punish oppressors and hunt powerful warriors.
128. Piper's Brand
a brand made by applying a red-hot set of silver panpipes. There are no (beneficial) supernatural effects, but the Piper’s cultists will not murder people who are so branded. She hates cities and farmers and wants to destroy them.
129. Gore Candle
a candle made from the tallow of hanged men. when burning, all weapons under its light deal maximum damage. crime bosses like to keep a few of these around so their pathetic mooks can actually accomplish something.
130. Earth Angel
small crockery angel. casts Earthquake centered on itself if damaged.
131. Flint Hook
a divinely shaped sickle of enchanted flint. An attuned user can inflict 1d4 slashing at 60 feet with no attack roll. Currently used in the masses of the Kind Reaper to ritually harvest grain.
132. Landscape with Tarn and Several Bears
An oil painting on wood, stolen from the palace of a duke of Hell. It has moved through many hands in the intervening years as thief steals it from thief. Whoever owns the landscape is King of Thieves — a title made difficult to hold by the duke’s Soulsniffing Hounds.
133. Bucket of Waterbane
a small pail filled with a thin tar-like substance with a silver lid containing it. When poured over a floor, a 20' circle of the slippery oil coats it. Anyone except the user who moves on it must make a dexterity check or fall down.
134. Rod of Utkarsh
If you point at a pyramid with this wand and say "Mine!", the pyramid teleports to your house.
135. Amber Bell
small, like the kind you would use to attract the attention of a servant. quiets thunder and stifles lightning.
136. Hungry Tree
Pour 1HP of blood on the roots of this tiny tree and a gold coin will blossom. Doesn't have to be your blood.
137. Petrifying Cookie
a collection of fortune cookies. The fortunes all read “you will be turned into a stone statue”. Don’t eat the cookies.
138. Salt of Vermicide
when thrown, does 3 damage to everything in a five foot radius or 3d6 to an insectoid monster. Anything killed by the salt is dried out and will be preserved indefinitely.
139. Infinite Mustache Machine
a machine which imprints mustaches on faces. for every day the machine goes without printing the mustache gets longer, and every consecutive day of use the mustache gets shorter.
Scale goes Hitler <-> Chaplin <-> Cop <-> Captain Hook &c.
140. Cat Tokens
2d6 tokens bearing the likeness of a black cat with bat wings. When broken in half and thrown on the ground the token summons a black cat with bat wings.
151. Snow Urn
an ancient clay urn capped with a rubbery top. When the top is off the urn continually sprays out frigid air. This effect lasts for 8 hours, then it it must recharge (capped) for 24 hours.
152. Cursed Deck
A deck of cards that reveal their identity to their owner while face-down. No one else can see this effect. If you own this deck and don't use it, you lose every game.
153. Planning Parchment
Any plans or idea written on this paper will seem like a really good idea to anyone you show it to. The effect lasts for an hour; then they stop to reconsider and possibly get very angry.
154. Unknowable Component
small bit of unidentifiable material. Its cold like metal, rugged like wood and the color of dirt. It can be used to replace/repair any broken tiny part of a machine or object.
155. Light Shovel
A shovel lighter than air. It can be used to dig twice as fast as ordinary.
156. Ring of Sickness (Minor)
touching someone with this ring will make them feel sick for as long as you can see them
157. Rocfeather Greatsword
a six-foot-long black and white feather, made out of a material harder than any steel. Far too light to be effectively swung and the edge is too uneven to slash, so it must be used like a saw.
158. Alcahelion Stone
Turns metal back into sunlight while it contacts this stone. Ten pounds takes half an hour. Silver is immune because it is made out of moonlight.
159. Helpful Cane
A wooden stick to lean on. Behaves exactly like an ordinary cane (1d6b) in every way, except for the fact that you can use it with one hand even if both your hands are already full.
160. Moses Cane
A wooden stick to lean on. Behaves exactly like an ordinary cane in every way, except for the fact that it turns into a 3HD loyal cobra at will.
161. Stonekin Flesh
Cut a bit of your skin off and sew this on. Gain 1 hitpoint. You can probably do this ten times, if you can find enough stonekin to cut up.
162. Stonekin Heart
Take half damage from bludgeoning, piercing and slashing. Must replace original heart. Can’t be removed.
163. Glass Octothorp
Fits in your hand, and lets you see your alternate selves in other universes in the moment of their stupid, stupid deaths. Maybe you can learn something from their suffering.
164. Arid Underground Graveyard
Dungeon name. This shit full of mummies.
165. Withered Labyrinth
Dungeon name. Underground, full of evil plants.
166. Bloody Horsemen Quarters
Dungeon name. Centaurs? Men with the heads of horses?
167. Den of the Dead
Dungeon name. Ghouls, I suppose.
168. Treacherous Acid-Worm
Makes its nests on old battlefields. It likes to sleep on a bed of iron and steel slag. But since it is always growing, it needs more and more slag — so it has learned to be very good at provoking war between neighbouring countries.
169. Door of Choice
A spell. Cast it on an enemy and the two of you are transported to a subdimension consisting of a small room and two doors. One door leads to certain death. One door leads to certain, immediate death. Your enemy gets to choose first.
170. Door of Fate
If you go through this door, you die instantly on a 2-in-6. The doorframe can be carried around, and is a wildly effective (but hard to use) bludgeoning weapon.
171. Torque Cube
The two halfs of this cube turn with respect to each other. The dwarfs have built their civilizations on these weird rocks.
172. Scarf of Ethereality.
Choke yourself out with this gorgoues sequined scarf and your soul is released onto the material plane. You can stay there for however long it takes you to choke yourself into unconsciousness.
173. Katabasis
A 10th level spell. For 1,000 miles in all directions a freezing-cold wind blows from north to south at 200 miles per hour for 2d4 weeks. This disrupts weather globally and will gain the attention and anger of any relevant g_ds.
174. Last Wish Diadem
When you die while wearing this diadem, you can cast a spell or make an attack. It succeeds automatically
175. Smoking Mirror
Consumes one day of your past in exchange for one day of your future. Might eat your last memory of your father, or an important lesson, or the day you learned how to face your fears. Eventually reduces you to an immortal automaton.

Tuesday, December 24, 2019

Oberon and Titania (Class: Warlock) Secret Santicorn

For wr3cking8a11 in the OSR Discord. Prompt:
Pick one!
- Answer jeff's 20 questions for modern earth. (whether the magic is secret or not is up to you) link
- what are 10 things someone could be born with to make a better adventurer/looter/
- I want to ascend to a higher form of being. What is it, and how can I do it?
- Make a class based on floriography and the arrangement of bouquets (GLOG or non, either works)
- a table of people to hire at a bar that sits at the center of all universes
- make up a few spells based on songs from your playlist (GLOG or not, either way)
    This isn't actually a floriographer, and it doesn't really ascend so much as denature, but the d12 list of things this class is born with has ten good things (and two useless ones).

    I am calling this a warlock because I suppose that's what it's closest to. It might just be wizard with some very weird cantrips and limitations.

The Quarrel of Oberon and Titania, Joseph Noel Paton 1849

Class: Changeling

    You are an amphibian; half natural, half super-natural. If you had been brave and strong you would have become a great hero. If you had been clever and talented you would have become a genius artist. If you had been all of those things — well, no use wondering about that. You are none of them. You are a vagabond, with no real home and no one to be sad when you leave.

    You are a three-quarters-caster, gaining Gifts from your father, Oberon, and Mother Dice from your mother, Titania, at levels past the first. If you have at least one template in this class, you can not fumble while wielding a foil, discus, light javelin or other prissy and slightly stupid weapon. You can wear light armor only.

  • A Unmistakable Mark, +1 To-Hit
  • B Incredible Ability, +2 HP, +1 MD
  • C Inhuman Form, +1 MD
  • D Terrible Power, +1 MD

Unmistakable Mark
    Your heritage is obvious to anyone who gets a good look at you. Roll a 3d12 on the following table of bizarre, disgusting disfigurements and record the results. If you roll the same result twice, take your choice of the one above or below.
  1. Forked Tongue. Your tongue splits in two at the tip. This gives you a slightly dribbly speech impediment and makes it impossible to eat ice cream.

    You get a -1 penalty to any roll which would be negatively influenced by a bad lisp or by people freaking out over your weird tongue (begging favors from gods, reaction rolls with old people, &c).
    You get a +1 bonus to any roll which would be positively influenced by people assuming you are the devil or by a very distinct voice (threatening a shopkeeper, singing rock music &c).

  2. Webbed Digits. The skin between your fingers and toes grows out to the second knuckle, which is a little gross. Your hands are not syndactyl; you retain full range of motion in your fingers.

    You can swim even if you are from an area where most people can't. You are probably faster in the water than anyone who isn't a professional athlete.

  3. Alexandrine Eye. The pupil of one eye is broken, like an egg, and it almost seems to be two eyes. The iris is multicolored and neither of those colors matches the other eye.

    Illusions and glamors are unpleasant and unconvincing to you, and you can walk around with your good eye closed to see disturbances in the air where invisible things are.

  4. Red Hair. Shit, you really got exiled from all of mankind for being a ginger?

  5. Toothed Babe. You were born with a full set of gleaming pearly chompers. Your adult teeth are quite sharp, and a little too large for your mouth.

    You have a 1 damage bite attack which always hits against someone you have grappled. You also regain 1 HP when you drink a quart of human blood, but it must be quite fresh.

  6. Crooked Back. Your spine has grown wrong. It is painful for you to carry heavy weights, and you are much smaller than you should be.

    Your carrying capacity is reduced by three, but you can fit in any gap a child might be able to squeeze through. If you dress up right you can be mistaken for someone extremely old or extremely young

  7. Always Smiling. Your flat, crushed face has a perpetual grin plastered across it. You can hide it for a moment if you focus and try really hard. The smile is unaffected by sadness or pain.

    You get +1 to reaction rolls with humans the first time you meet them. You inflict a -1 penalty to morale rolls; both those of your enemies and those of your hirelings. Dogs hate you and will attack or flee as soon as they see your smile.

  8. Crude Form. You are the size and shape of a monster. Your face curdles milk and breaks mirrors, your uneven shoulders are as broad as a cart, and your mismatched hands can easily crush small animals and children.

    Your carrying capacity is doubled, but you can never gain hirelings regardless of your Charisma score. Most civilized creatures will assume you are unintelligent or hostile, regardless of your Intelligence score.

  9. Awful Wails. You were a loud baby.

    Your voice is a little louder and deeper than normal. Your hirelings have +1 to their morale rolls while you are barking orders at them.

  10. Ravenous Appetite. You were always eating as a child. Acorns, insects, scraps of burnt bread — anything you could fit in your mouth you managed to eat, somehow.

    You never need to cook your rations to benefit from them. Raw meat doesn't hurt you. If you eat two rations at lunch, you regain the maximum amount of HP possible.

  11. Piebald Flesh. Your skin is two-toned. You might have patches of white or dark red, or both.

    This doesn't really affect your abilities at all, but people think it's weird.

  12. Wings. You have large iridescent wings like an insect. They are quite delicate, but can usually be hidden underneath clothing. Children and other stupid creatures think they are beautiful

    You can fly as fast as you can walk for one round per day per level, up to the tenth level.

Incredible Ability
    Cats, goats and exotic dancers marvel at your nimble grace. If an object can bear your weight you can balance on it. You can dance until midnight without tiring, run at full speed over fresh ice, and you always land on your feet. Treat all falls as ten feet shorter.

    This is a safe place to stop, as a changeling. You don't need to gain any more templates in this class. You can choose to level up without doing so, and even gain new Gifts like normal. I'll tell you what; go and earn your other two templates in a different class and you can still have the MD from this one. I won't tell anybody. Skip the next few paragraphs and scroll down to the section that says "Gifts" in big letters.

    Don't even worry about it. Don't think about what might-have-been. Don't think about what you might be passing up, like a fucking idiot, like everyone in the whole world has passed you up. I'm sure your parents are proud of you anyway — wherever they are.

    Still here?

    If you want to continue gaining these templates, there's something you have to do first. You owe a great debt to a Fairy, and in the land of the Fairy debts are payable in only one currency. To reach the third level  you will have to offer your patron a great deal of human life. The ritual to do so is lengthy, and requires a few special ingredients: a knife made out of flint (not iron!), an oak tree older than a century, and a full moon.

    Once you have these ingredients and a little spare time, the process is straightforward: one year of strong, healthy life equals one point of XP. A human sacrifice is worth about ((40 1d20) – [age of sacrifice]) points. This is the only way to earn experience towards the next level; experience from other sources is not counted. Your patron will not be cheated so easily.

    In addition, they need one more favor from you: the replacement of a human child with another changeling. After all you've done to get this far, is that really such a big deal?

Inhuman Form
    You are, at last, free. The human body was a clumsy tool, and yours was a little more inconvenient than most. But you don't have to worry about that now.
    Any ability score which was worse than 10 is now 10. You now know a glamor which disguises you as a conventionally attractive form of yourself — the form of the child you replaced all those years ago. While in this form you keep any positive aspects of your Unmistakable Marks and no longer suffer the negative ones. Your glamor fools even careful physical inspection, but if you are exposed to holy water it disappears for twenty-four hours. If dogs didn't hate you before, they do now.

Terrible Power
    You have grown into your own as a changeling. You take half-damage from sources which are not iron, fire or holy water (which burns you as it would a walking corpse). Any ability score which was lower than 12 is now 12.
    Your glamor has likewise grown. By spending twenty-four hours in meditation, you can memorize the form of any human being who has willingly told you their name. You can assume any of these forms at will, though if you are damaged by holy water they are lost and must be remade. You can "return" these names to their owners, if you are feeling generous or if they offer you an interesting bargain.
    In addition to all of this, you no longer feel guilt or sorrow. You are immune to Charm and Fear effects. You no longer age. You can eat a pound of living things instead of a ration. When you die you will not leave a ghost, and you can not be resurrected. The child who was stolen is gone forever.


    Your father, Oberon, is generous with his gifts. Your mother, Titania, gives you the power to use them. This power takes the form of Mother Dice, which are basically exactly the same thing as Magic Dice. Every time you gain a template in this class (besides your first), roll a d8 to determine what gift you have discovered. You can earn more by trading with powerful Fairy.

    To use a gift you must have access to certain flowers. Pressed flowers will do, but you risk Mishaps if you roll doubles on your MD. You always gain a Doom if you roll triples, whether casting from fresh or from pressed flowers.
  1. Rose
    R: self, T: self, D: [sum] hours.
    You appear to be dead. If you invest one [die], you are cool to the touch and won't fog a mirror. If you invest two, you smell terrible and have any wounds you wish. If you invest three, you are in as many pieces as you wish over a five-foot square.
  2. Yarrow
    R: [dice] miles, T: a spherical area 50 feet in diameter, D: n/a.
    You restore [sum]/2 HP to all plants, animals and people within the target that you choose.
  3. Aconite
    R: self, T: self, D: [sum] hours.
    You hear the howling of wolves when someone with hostile intentions is within [dice] miles. You hear as many wolves as there are hostile people. Using it near an army might be deafening, assuming the army is marching for you.
  4. Buttercup
    R: eye contact, T: a human, D: [sum] minutes.
    The target is becomes intensely naive and distractable. They will believe anything told to them on a [dice]-in-six chance, or else loudly reject it and accuse you of pulling their leg. Targets will ignore input from leg-pullers for the duration of the spell. After the spell ends, they will not fully understand that they have been ensorceled unless someone points it out to them. Creatures immune to Charm are immune to this gift.
  5. Columbine
    R: touch, T: a person, D: [dice] minutes.
    All damage taken by the target is deferred until the end of this spell, when they take all of it at once. If the damage taken would be less than [sum], they take no damage at all.
  6. Eremurus
    R: self, T: Self, D: [dice] minutes.
    While this gift is active you take half damage from all sources except fire and iron. Most weapons are made out of iron. If you already take half damage from a source, take no damage instead.
  7. Sunflower
    R: touch, T: any solid object D: [dice] days
    The object you lay this glamor on seems to be worth [sum] gold. This is no mere illusion; people will invent whatever justifications they need in order to believe that the object is worth what they think it's worth. They will be angry when the spell ends.
  8. Sloe
    R: touch, T: one person, D: [dice] years.
    In addition to all normal checks, the target has a 1-in-6 chance of failure at everything. This applies to attack rolls and to saves, but also to projects on their farm, merchant ventures, marriage proposals — everything. The effect ends early if you die, deliberately end it, or upon being exorcised by a cleric with at least [dice] HD.
Mishaps (1d6):
  1. Dice return to your pool only on a 1 or a 2 for twenty-four hours.
  2. You take 1d6 damage for no reason at all. Sucks to be you, pal.
  3. Your flower catches fire. Hope you weren't keeping it in an old book.
  4. You start scream-laughing for 1d6 rounds. If you rolled a 6, you are laughing so hard that you can not make any attacks.
  5. You start screaming for 1d6 rounds. If you rolled a 6, everyone who can hear you starts screaming as well.
  6. You lose your voice until you get a solid eight hours of sleep.

  1. You can not lie to anyone who knows your name. Your eyes turn milk-white. You can no longer tell when others are feeling grief.
  2. You can not disobey anyone who knows your name. Your hair and skin turn milky white. You can no longer tell when others are feeling anger.
  3. You can no longer intuit the feelings of others, and have no emotions of your own. In fact, you can no longer distinguish humans apart. The little things die too quickly, and they're so boring! What are you sticking around here for, anyway? There's a whole world out there for the taking, in the land of the Fairy

Friday, November 22, 2019

Ten of Swords (Class: Fighter, again)

    This world is violent. Many will take up the sword in defense of their lives, or the lives of the ones they love.

   Those who survive long enough pass into campfire story and barroom song. Those sick of killing for pay don the black mask and kill for free. Those sick of war return to their homes and live peacefully. Perhaps.

    But some discovered in themselves a talent beyond the mundane. In them, martial training has awakened the gift of Alden, oldest brother, who forged the first swords so men could better kill one another. These are the Friends of the Wound-Hoe; the Foes of the Tree's Sons; the Shepherds of Swords. Destined to become legends in their own time — or else die painfully.

Drawn by Virgil Burnett, I believe. I have no idea where the picture came from.

Class: Sword-Shepherd

    Before you discovered your almost-mystical abilities, you were a commoner with little to hope for besides the end of war. But now you are One blessed by the old g_ds. Surely you have a higher destiny than that?

    For every template you have of this class you gain one Technique (see below for details). If you have at least one template of Sword-Shepherd you cannot fumble with a sword, and you can wear all types of armor.

Skills: 1. Knife-grinding, 2. Medicine, 3. Riding

Starting Equipment: lamellar coat (as leather), ringsword (medium weapon), wooden shield, a sashimono identifying your army and rank (see equipment list for details), and one other piece of equipment of your choice.
  • A Parry, Guard,  +1 To-Hit
  • B Bachelor, +2 HP
  • C Banneret, +1 Defense
  • D Demesne, +1 melee damage
    Weapons leap from your hand to meet their brothers. Once per round, subtract your attack bonus with a held weapon from incoming melee damage. If this reduces the damage to nothing, feel free to laugh at your opponent.
    Anyone can cower behind a shield, but you know how to really use one. Once per round you can reduce incoming damage by 1d6, directing it onto your shield. Any damage in excess of that number is still dealt and if the shield blocks six damage it is destroyed.
    If you are not carrying a shield, you can choose to take 1d6 damage from an attack instead of the real amount once per round. You can do this after you know you are going to be hit.
    You cannot use Guard and Parry on the same attack, but you can use them both in the same round.

    You are acknowledged as a member of the warrior caste, and no longer pay tolls for public roads or taxes for goods you are carrying. This protection may or may not extend to your companions depending on how well-known you are in the area and how fast you can talk. Other benefits depend on the region, but you can probably at least issue challenges like a Zouave.

    You have become mildly famous, enough that the Emperor himself has granted you the right to use a banner of your own design. This doesn't make you nobility (you can't knight anyone, grant titles &c) but it does give you the right of posse comitatus and to wear armor while walking around town.
    Your banner can be worn by a number of other people (player characters count) equal to your Charisma score. They also have the right to wear armor into civilized places — and if they get into trouble it's your fault, so be careful.

    Stories of your victories have spread throughout the land. There is no limit to the number of common hirelings you can have, besides your ability to pay them. Your maximum number of hirelings is now the maximum number of first-level characters you can have following you. At this point, it would be a good idea to invest in a stronghold if you haven't already done so. Common hirelings wearing your banner don't count against your maximum number (though they won't gain any mechanical benefit from this).
    You aren't nobility yet, but if you had a bit of land and a small army all sorts of options would open up for you. . .
Sidebar: Hirelings
These rules assume hirelings are peasanty-types with a 10 in every stat, 3 HP and a bad attitude who you are paying for one specific task. A torch-carrying hireling has a torch, a bag-carrying hireling has a bag, a monster-hitting hireling has a shield and a club. If everyone can hire first-level fighters, this template should be adjusted to reflect that.



    These aren't things you learn on your own. Rather, they are taught to you by old masters in the various cities and towns and ancient monasteries scattered throughout the land. Paying these teachers counts towards XP, though some of them might require more from you than cash. Some of the techniques require a specific weapon or class of weapon.
Anyone can teach these techniques, and a first-level character should pick from this list. Most skilled fighters will know at least one of Aeshean technique. Learning these exclusively would be an interesting choice, though not necessarily a good one.
  1. Core Strength. Deal normal plus maximum damage on a critical hit.
  2. Saw. Sword damage explodes, once.
  3. Hammer. When you have advantage on an attack, make two attacks instead.
  4. Pick. +2 to-hit against armored opponents in melee.

Elegant techniques, commonly associated with gentlemen-burglars or other romantic types. A city large enough to maintain a thieves' guild will have a teacher for these, but you will need to win their trust by assisting in some scam or heist.
  1. Adagio. +1 Parry. Your languorous parries vex opponents and amuse allies.
  2. Allegro. +1 Parry. Your sudden, precise movements fascinate even your enemies.
  3. Grace. You can parry arrows and thrown weapons. Not bullets. . .  yet.
  4. Focus. You can parry directed magical attacks. Doesn't work on things like Fireball or Sleep.

Techniques of the warrior monks from the west. They fight with a saw-toothed knife in each hand, and can be found in roughly 1-in-6 extremely seedy bars. They value money only because it can be used to purchase rare liquors and food made out of exotic animals.
  1. Interplay. While holding a weapon in each hand, deal +2 damage with all attacks. Neither is your "main" weapon; you switch from feint-and-attack to attack-and-feint as opportunities present themselves
  2. Ripples. Once per round, reply to a ranged attack with a thrown weapon instantly. Takes the place of your parry.
  3. Torrent. While holding a light weapon in each hand, you may make an extra attack each round at disadvantage. If you miss, it looks like you meant to, and people still think you're cool.
  4. Beating Rain. While holding a light weapon in each hand, you can throw both of them to make one attack with +4 to-hit. Pack a lot of knives.

Developed by priests, perfected by assassins. These techniques are holy secrets, and can only be learned from an assassin (or a priest (or an assassin-priest)) who owes you a favor.
  1. Ritual. You have studied every position, response and riposte in every book of swordplay, and you have memorized them all. +1 AC and +1 to-hit if the only thing you are holding is a sword.
  2. Faith. When the flesh fails, rely on the steel. Your critical-hit range is expanded by 1.
  3. Hope. If you close your eyes and grip your sword with both hands, you have advantage on all saves against magical effects.
  4. Charity. +4 to-hit against the undead. Eternal rest grant unto them, &c &c.

In the frigid south these are more common than the Aeshean techniques. It's easy to find a teacher if you are willing to make the journey. Those people use a falx rather than a civilized ringsword, but that won't be a problem for someone like you.
  1. Vessis. This means "protective edge" in the old tongue. You may Guard against melee attacks while holding a heavy sword. If the sword blocks six damage the edge is ruined and must be repaired.
  2. Karamis. Karamis means something like "a malicious misdirection". Once per round, a fumble was actually just a massive windup. Make another attack immediately.
  3. Bulumis. This translates to "bolt of angry lightning". While wielding a heavy weapon, your killing blows rend your opponents like dolls. The flying limbs and heads require a Morale check from enemies with fewer HD than the one that was killed.
  4. Irthis. "Bruised ass", in the old tongue. When you hit an opponent with a heavy weapon, you can choose to knock them down or shove them five feet away from you instead of dealing damage.
You've never encountered someone who knew these techniques, but you may have heard stories. Tracking down a master to teach you is probably a full quest in itself.
  1. Ghastly. Not to slay, but to destroy. Your critical hits require your opponent to make a save vs Death or die messily.
  2. Divine. To bestow G_d's grace on the undeserving. You always deal full damage to the undead.
  3. Cruel. To deny G_d's grace to the undeserving. You can choose to have a slain opponent rise as an Unburied immediately.
  4. Bizarre. To close your eyes and flail like an angry lobster. Instead of rolling a d20 when you make an attack, roll 1d4. Treat a 1 as a 1, a 2 as a 5, a 3 as a 15 and a 4 as a 20.
    Learning additional techniques costs 600 XP's worth of cash and a month of training, or twice the money and twice the time for someone who isn't a sword-shepherd.


  1. Ringsword. Classic Aeshean sword. Looks like a spatha with a big knuckleguard, and the pommel is a ring. Nobles would thread a ball-and-chain through the pommel in ages past, but that style has mostly fallen out of fashion — perhaps you can find a master to teach it to you? 1 slot.

  2. Sashimono. A tall banner worn vertically on a long pole, identifying your army and rank to distant observers. The flags of foot-soldiers are probably just blocks of their army's colors. The flags of distinguished fighters will be decorated. Don't wear the wrong flag in the wrong city. 1 slot.

  3. Fire-lance. A long metal tube into which a mixture of inflammable reagents and iron shrapnel is poured. When a slow-match is touched to this mixture it ignites and bursts from the mouth of the tube. Everything in a thirty-foot line must make a save to avoid the blast; the closest failure takes 2d6 fire damage and other failures take half. 2 slots.

  4. Fire-lance fuel. Comes in horns or kegs. This is not interchangeable with black powder. 1 or 10 slots.

  5. Miquelet. Huge, unwieldy black-powder gun. -1 to-hit for every 10 feet between you and your target and fires with disadvantage if you don't have something steady to rest it on (a stand, a castle wall, &c). Takes 1d3 minutes to reload. A proper bullet gives +1 to-hit, but you can load it with coins, shrapnel or crossbow bolt. 3 slots.

  6. Black powder. Comes in horns or kegs. 1 or 10 slots.

  7. Butterfly-cutters. A pair of light, curved blades carried in one scabbard. Associated with pirates and traveling monks, and generally a sign of someone who should be left alone. +1 damage while wielding them at the same time, 1 slot for the pair.

  8. Short Falx. A heavy and razor-sharp hooked blade. Seven feet long if you count its two-foot handle, and mostly unheard of in the civilized world. 2 slots.

  9. Long Falx. A heavy and razor-sharp hooked blade. Ten feet long if you count its three-foot handle. Looks like farming equipment and hits for 2d6 damage instead of 1d10. 4 slots (it is extremely inconvenient to carry this thing around).

  10. Apache. An abomination of gears and springs. Very popular with thugs who want to look professional. Can be used as brass knuckles, a black-powder pistol or a light knife, -2 to-hit with any functionality. ⅓rd of a slot.

  11. Tomahawk. A light hatchet designed as a ranged weapon. +1 to-hit when thrown. Very surprising. 1 slot.

  12. Entrenching shovel. Useful as a light weapon in an emergency, but mostly for digging foxholes and outhouses. ⅓rd of a slot.

  13. Grappling hook and 50' of rope. 1 slot each.

  14. 40' of iron chain. 2 slots.

  15. Horn bow and 20 arrows. Stats as a shortbow, but can only be used by someone with 12 strength or higher. ⅓rd and 1 slot.

  16. Iron chest with lock and key. Contains about a cubic foot or two slots of items, whichever is less. Takes up 2 slots.

  17. A full set of watercolors, brushes, and a large binder of heavy paper. Doesn't make you a better artist, but makes you the best artist you can be. 2 slots.

  18. A golden dagger. Carefully worked into the appearance of a goat's head, with semi-precious stones for eyes. A light weapon, and worth 15 gp to a collector. ⅓rd of a slot.

  19. A single dose of a genuine healing potion. If applied to a wound heals 1d6+2 points of health immediately, and if consumed is an antidote to most poisons. These are rare, and you probably have a story about how you found it.

  20. An unusual artifact. Roll 1d6:
    1. Lucky mess-kit. If you shake it, the rattles are slightly musical if there is a secret door within 50 feet.
    2. A reversible silk mask; one side shows a skull in black, the other a child's face in white.
    3. A spider-eye stiletto; essentially a steel knitting-needle with a huge emerald as its pommel. It is (very technically) legal to kill a king with this. It is also legal to kill someone who is carrying a spider-eye stiletto.
    4. A packet of seeds of the legendary balm-of-gilead. No one has seen such a tree in a long time. Crushed into a spagyric, these seeds cause forgetfulness and heal psychological trauma.
    5. Unlucky sword. No fumbles, no criticals, but if you roll a 13 while attacking with it then you accidentally smash a nearby fragile object or person. You tried to get smart with it, once, and threw it into the ocean. The drowned corpse that came after you the next evening carried the cursed thing back.
    6. Corpse-liquor. Tastes like death, and a drop can contaminate a whole meal. Smells like (and might be made from) rose-hips. 

Friday, November 8, 2019

Biblical Values (some Cleric spells)

    The spells for my cleric class are extremely dull. I don't know what I was thinking. Here are a few spells that are a little stranger.

Spell List

A cleric's spells are not wild spirits. They are the personal angelic servants of G_d and serve the clerics at His pleasure; they can not be bred or mutated against their will. Fortunately, they are on the same side as the caster and will usually be cooperative.
1. Heal
R: Touch T: an injured person D: immediate.
The target is healed for [sum] hitpoints. If you invest more dice you can choose to forgo the healing for a different benefit.
If two dice is invested, this is a Lesser Restore, and can close a flesh wound or knit a broken bone.
If three dice are invested, this is a Restore, and can repair a mangled eye or regrow a missing ear.
Four dice invested result in a Greater Restore which can reattach a recently-severed limb or regrow fingers and toes.
Five dice make this spell a Miracle, which can regrow essential organs or missing limbs, and can cure any number of diseases.
2. Turn
R: 20*[dice]' T: [sum] enemies D: up to [dice] hours.
Targets within range are compelled to flee the presence of the cleric. Intelligent creatures get a save to resist this; unintelligent undead do not. Intelligent creatures are also smart enough to take potshots at the cleric from beyond the range of the spell. If the cleric takes any damage the spell immediately ends.
If you invest three dice or more, you can destroy any number of Unburied within range in addition to the normal effects of the spell.
3. Hallow
R: 30*[dice]' T: a valid square area at most 30*[dice]' to a side, or [dice] corpses D: [dice]*6 hours, or permanent.
This spell can only be performed as a ritual.
A valid area has four solid corners and something to serve as an altar. In a pinch, four piles of rocks and a big rock will do, but four corners of a room and a real altar is preferable. Rituals performed in this area only take one hour. If this spell is cast with four dice (three plus the ritual die) then the area is permanently consecrated.
If you are targeting corpses they will not rise as Unburied, and cannot be raised by any caster of lower level than you.
4. Kindle
R: touch T: a creature or object D: immediate
Target takes [sum] points of fire damage. Can only be cast immediately after hitting a target with a melee weapon. Inanimate objects are automatically hit.
These were fine. Healing, turning, hallowing and smiting are all valuable and essential tools of the cleric's box.
5. Iconoclasm
R: shouting distance T: a solid object or structure of D: instant
This spell applies sudden sharp force to an inanimate target within range. The strength of this force depends on the number of [dice] you invest; a single die can do what you could do with a large hammer (shatter a household idol or destroy a painting), two dice can do what you could do with an assistant and some basic tools (knock over a man-sized idol, smash open a locked door or chest), three dice can do the work of ten men with pulleys and levers (topple a 20-foot statue, collapse a wooden building), four dice are worth a team of workmen and a full day (collapse a stone building, shatter half an acre of woodland).
Legends say that casting this spell with five dice or more could pull the walls of a city down, or cut a new pass in a mountain.
Something like a Knock spell, but more clerical
6. Bless
R: 10*[dice]' T: [sum] creatures within range D: [dice] hours
You cast this spell by screaming, praying and prophesying as loud as you can while holding your hands above your head. If you have a staff or a sword you should be holding that in your hands. While you are doing this, all targets within range get a [dice] bonus on every d20 roll they make.
The spell ends immediately if you take any damage or if you drop your hands for any reason. A constitution save every minute would be appropriate.
A few clerics scattered among an army make it much more formidable. Intelligent enemies know to target the cleric in the middle of the group of armored knights.
7. Deluge
R: [dice] miles T: a circular area centered on you D: [dice] days.
If cast with one die, clouds gather over the course of [least] days to steadily rain on the target area for the duration of the spell. If cast with two, clouds hurry to the area on sudden winds over [least] hours. If cast with three, the clouds are visibly dragged across the sky within [least] minutes. Casting this spell with four [dice] will cause you to vomit out dark stormclouds which form immediately, and the duration is extended to [sum] days.
If you were to cast this with five dice or more, you could choose any duration for the rain. A malicious cleric might drown an entire region with such a spell.
Rain isn't necessarily a bad thing. Farmers affected by a drought would be quite grateful for a little rain (three days of steady downpour is probably too much). A powerful storm could also serve to mask a stealthy approach, or flood a camp of enemy soldiers.
8. Pillar
R: 30' T: a cylindrical volume [dice]*5' in radius and [dice]*20' high D: [dice] minutes
The target volume is filled with a roaring whirlwind for the duration. Unsecured objects will be thrown around, and ranged attacks (made from, directed into or passing through) automatically miss. Flying creatures will take 1d6 damage every round from flying debris.
On their turn, the caster can choose to move the the pillar sixty feet in any direction. The mass of rushing garbage deals [dice] damage to unarmored creatures it passes over, no save.
Mostly useful as mobile cover from ranged attacks, but can be used to intimidate, or to ruin someone's day. Casting this underground would be a terrible idea (and probably very funny).
9. Sackcloth and Ashes
R: shouting distance T: an intelligent creature with HD equal to or higher than [dice] D: [dice] rounds
The caster makes a complex theological argument describing the target's many sins. At the end of the duration, compare the [sum] to the target's hitpoints. If [sum] is higher, the target immediately abandons all material goods and leaves for parts unknown to start their lives over again.
If the caster takes damage while making their argument, the spell fails and the dice are lost. The target is likely to attack the caster unless they are of a highly religious bent.
More effective on damaged targets, and most effective on targets that are being held down.
10. Glory
R: n/a T: self D: [dice] hours
The caster's head is lit with a halo of divine radiance. For the duration, they are noticeably more attractive. The halo casts brilliant light out to [best]*10', and hirelings and party members get a +[dice] bonus to morale rolls and saves against Fear.
Nice bit of classic miracle-work. Will enemies target the behaloed caster first? Probably.
11. Summon Scavengers
R: 300' T: a point within range D: [dice] hours
[sum] HD worth of wild animals will swarm the target and attempt to consume anything edible. With one die, this will be mostly insects and they will eat unguarded food. With two, this will include rodents and other small vermin, which may attack people in the area. Three dice will summon scavenger birds and four will summon foxes, raccoons and wild dogs, all of which will attack humans and each other. Stories of powerful clerics summoning 1d100 bears with this spell are likely apocryphal.
I don't know what use this spell is but some people might like it.

Thursday, October 31, 2019

Mighty Man (Class: Specialist)

    Knowledge of the digging of ditches, the hewing of forests, the laying of stones in roads and the building of structures was one of the first gifts given to man by the g_ds. Timotheos, dark-haired third brother, taught these skills to his chosen peoples to protect them from the dangerous world he had created.

    All civilized people have a basic understanding of these skills. Some specialize, and a culture will have a preferred building style, but anyone can dig a hole or chop a small tree. A small team, especially one led by a competent builder, can dig and hew and mold the earth into a camp in a few hours. Many hands makes for exponentially lighter labor.

    Some people don't need a team at all.

Barbarians in the frozen south, civilized men in the temperate north.
    You are a member of a chalcolithic pagan tribe called the "Builders". You were brought to the civilized world (the world of crop rotation, dressed stone and iron) to perform hard manual labor. It's possible you were a slave or a prisoner of war, but most likely you were lured by the promise of riches — your tribe has a legendary weakness for precious metal and stones.

    At home your people worshiped an ancient being you called the "Old Man in the Ice". The Old Man dictates that his worshipers be scarified with knives and burning mistletoe, and makes bizarre demands in the darkness of their minds. The lands of the Builders are littered with impressive but abandoned structures and riddled with half-collapsed mines.

    The civilized folk thought this to be the limit of your magic and your use; but a few decades ago, with the redevelopment of furnace technology, ironmongery became widespread and a boss thought to place an iron tool into a Builder's hands. It was then that they discovered either a holy secret of Timotheos, or else a strange oversight in your design. . .

Class: Builder

    You are a Builder; a barbarian valued as manual labor. Your people are a common sight around major engineering projects or in large cities. Your abilities are far above those of normal humanity, and are further increased with weird and mystical effects when wielding iron tools.

    For every template you have of this class you gain +1 Stealth. If you have at least one template of Builder you cannot fumble with weapons you are holding in two hands. You cannot wear medium or heavy armor unless a template from another class allows you.

    If you die, you do not rise from the dead unless at the pleasure of the Old Man.

Skills: 1. Fishing, 2. Knapping, 3. Psychotropic Brewing

Starting Equipment: Workman's clothes, a felling axe (medium weapon), your choice of trenching shovel, mattock or sledge (see below for equipment list), an iron collar identifying you as a foreigner, a low voice in your head which whispers to you constantly, and one other piece of gear of your choice.

  • A Steel-Driven, Foreigner, +1 HP
  • B Ploughman's Lunch, +1 To-Hit
  • C Old Man's Eye, +1 HP
  • D Strength of Many, +1 To-Hit
    You naturally excel at all forms of construction, landscaping and earthmoving.  For example:
  • A human can fell a tree very fast with a good axe. A Builder can chop a tree down in one minute per foot of diameter
  • A human can dig a full-sized grave in perhaps eight hours; a Builder can dig that in four.
  • When erecting a structure, each Builder counts as two human workers. This is a general rule which should be applied to any engineering project.
    There is, in addition, a fell passion that sometimes grips members of your pagan rite. While holding an iron tool in your hands you can choose to enter a wild frenzy. Roll 2d6. If you roll a pair of 2's, 3's or 4's you suffer an Accident, and if you roll snake-eyes you suffer a Catastrophe.
Those in the grip of the frenzy move at double speed for the duration and finish their tasks in half the time. Frenzied characters make an extra attack in combat, but gain a slot of exhaustion every time they do so. The frenzy ends after one hour or immediately upon becoming encumbered. It has a 2-in-6 chance of ending immediately after taking damage from any source.
    You can enter the frenzy as many times per day as you have Builder templates.

    Noble and academic types, who don't work with their hands, find you amusing. Farmers and gravediggers find you jaw-dropping, and extended projects may draw crowds of cheering onlookers or local strongmen to challenge you.

    Your accent, your rations and your stride indicate that you hail from the half-savage frozen wastelands of the south. Some non-player characters will be offended by or afraid of you, while others may be eager to hear your stories and then hire you to build a dam. Concealing your identity by wearing a huge black cloak and refusing to speak will actually make people more suspicious, but you can still try it.

    Obviously this is only true in the civilized world. If adventuring in the half-savage frozen wastelands of the south, assume that you have a 4-in-6 chance of being recognized as an enemy in any town or camp. Barbarians kill people wearing huge black cloaks on sight.

Ploughman's Lunch
    Your natural stamina lets you recover quickly. When you take a Lunch, you also lose two slots of exhaustion. If you consume a ration immediately before entering your frenzy you reduce your chances of suffering an Accident by 1. A quart of small beer or a half-cup of hard liquor counts as a ration for you.

Old Man's Eye
    Your success has drawn the attention of the Old Man, who claimed your soul as an infant with a series of rituals, culminating in the tattooing of one of his eyes upon your chest. He has watched you through that eye for your entire life, first idly, but now with interest. You are ready to help him achieve his goals.

     Agents of the Old Man are given strange tasks which they must fulfill or suffer two consequences; first, you lose the good grace of your g_d and will rise from the dead like everyone else, and second, every time you enter your frenzy you have a 2-in-6 chance of losing your mind for 1d6 rounds and making wild attacks against random targets. The Old Man isn't cursing you, he is simply withdrawing his stabilizing presence from a body not adapted to Chaos. Fulfilling his requests earns eldritch favor, which takes many forms.

    The Old Man typically gives out his quests on the new moon, though of course he has no obligation to you whatsoever and can give them out whenever he feels like. A few examples:

Unpleasant Tasks:

  1. Go to a certain valley, a few days travel from where you received this task, and dig a deep well. It must be at least one-hundred feet deep by the next new moon. It doesn't need to be lined with stone, but it does need to be at least five feet across and at most twenty (a flooded quarry is not a well).
  2. Make a burnt offering to the Old Man and host a wild celebration. You will need at least twenty human party guests (Unburied don't count, but Cobolds might). You will also need to keep a fire burning all night and sacrifice either five horses, ten cows, twenty-five sheep or fifty birds. This must be completed by the next new moon
  3. You must build a bridge over the next river you come to at the point where you reach it. It must be able to hold at least your weight, and if it collapses or is left uncompleted before the next new moon then you have failed.
  4. Find and kill an exceptionally dangerous Cobold in an abandoned mine, about five days travel from where you received this task. She is guarded by 2d4 of her fellows and knows a single random cleric spell which she casts with one die. This must be completed by the next new moon.
  5. Fulfill the next request made of you by a non-player character. You can negotiate for pay, but you must complete it according to their specifications. Smart Builders make a habit of cutting off the fingers of those who ask them for free labor, to keep people from thinking they might get lucky.
  6. Find seven metal spoons and swallow them one after the other. Pass a constitution save or take a point of damage next time you, you know...

Strange Rewards:

  1. Until the next new moon, you are invisible when you close your eyes and stay perfectly still. You may need to make a constitution check to maintain stillness for more than a minute or so.
  2. Until the next new moon, your face is different. Someone who has only seen you, or only spoken to you briefly, will be unable to recognize you. At the next new moon, save or the change is permanent.
  3. You gain +1 HP. Each time you roll this result, another tattoo appears on your skin. After three increases you must wear heavy clothing to conceal the eye, and after six they cover your face.
  4. Your teeth grow 1d4 centimeters. At five centimeters extra they limit your ability to speak. These can be filed down to normal(ish), or to sharp points which horrify non-player characters.
  5. Your body feels strangely unsteady, as if you are newly made. Old scars fade and heal. Until the next new moon your chance of rolling an Accident is reduced by 1.
  6. You are filled with an unspeakable and horrible hunger to be drunk. Until the next new moon you heal 1 HP when you drink at least a quart of small beer or a half-cup of liquor.

Strength of Many
    At will, roll 2d6 and add that number to any strength related roll of a twenty-sided die. The higher number is inflicted to you as damage. You experience a rush of energy and an awful pain in your chest when you use this feature; people nearby notice rising temperatures and the smell of burning hair.


  1. Shooting pain. Take 1 point of damage and drop what you are holding.
  2. Too much grip; you shatter the handle of your tool as your tendons spasm. You can craft a suitable handle in an hour if you have the lumber, or replace it in five minutes if you have a spare.
  3. Strange energies; the edge of the tool dulls as the iron evaporates. You can file down or sharpen it in half an hour's work with a whetstone. Hammers are unaffected.
  4. Too little grip. Everyone within 15 feet makes a wisdom save to duck; worst result takes 1 point of damage. If no one is within 15 feet, the tool flies off and it takes you ten minutes to find it.
  5. Mind the backswing! The tool twists in your hands like a snake. You take 1d6 damage, or apply it to someone within 5 feet of you.
  6. Six-second blackout. Your tool is ruined beyond repair; the splintered stump of handle has teeth marks on it. If someone is nearby they didn't see anything either and you can't make them admit otherwise.


  1. Minor heart attack. You drop what you are holding and can do nothing but clutch your chest and wince for 1d6 rounds. 
  2. Major heart attack. You are reduced to 0 health and black out. Your strength and constitution scores are both reduced by 2; you heal one point of stat loss with a night of rest or six with a Restoration spell.
  3. The Big One. Your heart ruins itself. This is lethal if you still need a heart.
You are immune to catastrophes if you don't have, or don't need, a heart. A casting of Greater Restoration reduces the severity by one.

And now, the Gear:

From Frank Leslie's Popular Monthly, "The Cheapest Magazine in the World"
  1. Felling Axe. Effective tool for cutting down men as well. Medium weapon.
  2. Trenching Shovel. Long blade-like head, for drainage ditches and such. Makes an excellent lever. Medium, but can't be used effectively in one hand.
  3. Mattock. A pickaxe with a spike on one side and a flat cutting or digging blade on the other. Essential tool of gravediggers. Medium, but can't be used effectively in one hand.
  4. Sledge. Tool of wreckers and rock-breakers. About three times too heavy to be a warhammer. Large weapon, but suffers a -2 to-hit and deals +2 damage.
  5. Tongs. Good for handling hot metal, poking at traps and holding steel spikes in place while someone else hits them with a sledge. Counts as a light weapon.
  6. Black Powder. Comes in horns or kegs, you have a horn of it. The keg is probably as dangerous as a Fireball. 1 or 10 slots.
  7. Crowbar. Good for prying, acts as a light weapon.
  8. Hammer, sheath of 10 iron nails. 1 slot each.
  9. A hand drill with a six-inch bit. Can make a hole in sedimentary rock in five minutes and igneous in half an hour. 1 slot.
  10. 40 feet of iron chain, 2 slots.
  11. 50 feet of rope, 1 slot.
  12. Brick hod. Holds 5 slots, must held in two hands. You could also use this as a scoop or to boost people up ledges.
  13. Throwing Sword, light weapon, throwable 20 feet. Returns to your hand if it doesn't hit anything; if you throw such that it collides with your enemy on the return trip, it hits them at the start of next round and you have advantage on the attack roll.
  14. Big smelly sack of ermine skins. Worth 5 gold per day's travel to the nearest port. 5 slots.
  15. Blacksign Toadstools, three doses. Roll 1d6 and that ability score is inverted (11 -> 9, 7 -> 13, 10 -> 10). Effects last until you get a night of sleep.
  16. Seagold gloves. Crafted from the flesh of a rare deep sea creature by a witch-woman of your homeland. Unarmed attacks deal full damage to the undead.
  17. Hair bleach, three doses. Also works on beards, fur and most woods. Very poisonous.
  18. Come-along stick. Solid iron ten-foot-pole. Heavy. 4 slots.
  19. Atlatl, as shortbow +1. Uses javelins instead of arrows (javelins are three to a slot). 1 slot.
  20. A weird or inexplicable curio. Roll 1d6:
    • 1. Human skull with three eye sockets.
    • 2. Bar of adamant. In theory, a priceless artifact. In practice, an indestructible paperweight. 1 slot.
    • 3. Skin of mares-blood liquor. Powerful emetic, unless you like mare's blood liquor. 1 slot.
    • 4. An arrow. The shaft, head, fletching are all gold. Worth 15 gold to a collector in good condition. If you fire it, it always deals full damage +2 but is reduced to 5 gold worth of scrap on a fumbled attack.
    • 5. Priest mask, yellow serpent — heresy! 
    • 6. Golden anklet-bells. Their cheery sound can be heard for miles by the undead, who hate it and will risk destruction to end their ringing.

Saturday, October 26, 2019

Gun On Your Shoulder (Class: Fighter)

Inspired by a discussion in the OSR Discord.
Source: Wikipedia
    A simple axiom of the universe; things which are better at surviving live, and things which are worse die. This evolutionary pressure is constantly applied to every population. Warfare, especially the messy kind predating antibiotics and painkillers, is a very strong evolutionary pressure on a population (young soldiers) already selected for competence and fighting ability.
    Some people think this is evil. War is a terrible thing, they say, and death a cruel joke played on Man by callous g_ds. They scoff at the glory-ardent, and jeer at the old lie of "Dulce et decorum est/pro patria mori".
    Not you, though. You understand.

Class: Zouave

    You are a Zouave, light infantry trained for ambush, scouting and extended periods in the field. You are not a noble, but neither are you a peasant levy. You volunteered to protect your homeland. You provided your own equipment, learned the art of war, rose through the ranks, became a cunning veteran, seized victory in battles where you were outnumbered 20-to-1, shaped the face of the world with nothing but your sword-arm and sturdy snapchance — and then you won, and the war was over.
    Most of your friends are turnip farmers or fishermen now, or dead. You tried the peaceful life. Maybe you even stuck with it for a few years; but when you realized the only thing you looked forward to was sharing half-true war-stories with the old men in the tavern, you took your sword and your gun down from the wall and set out on your last adventure

    For every template you have in this class you gain +1 inventory slot and +1 HP. If you have at least one template of Zouave, you cannot fumble with mundane weapons and can wear light and medium armor.

Skills: 1. Forestry, 2. Rock-Climbing, 3. Ditchdigging

Starting Equipment: Slightly ridiculous old-fashioned uniform (as leather), an iron ringsword (medium), a snapchance and powderhorn (see below for equipment list), good pair of boots, excellent backpack, one other piece of kit of your choice.

  • A Tall Tales, Nonplussed, Extra Attack Per Round
  • B Respect
  • C Old Friends, Extra Attack Per Round
  • D Nose for Trouble
Tall Tales
You've been everywhere, man. Roll 3d12 on the following table of mostly-true things you did before becoming an adventurer and record the results. If you roll the same result twice, take your choice of the one above or below.
  1. Crossed the Deserts Bare. Your long campaign took you as far as the frozen mud-puddle of Arel, where trees never grow and people wear stupid coats all year round. A six-month guerilla campaign against a vastly superior force of manhunters taught you the value of good boots and warm wool socks.

    You and your party travel at full speed over rough terrain.

  2. Breathed the Mountain Air. Your long campaign wound through the mountains and over steep peaks. You developed an instinct for avalanches and rockslides, and learned the ways of the goat and the warg.

    You and your party travel over normally impassable terrain as if it were rough.

  3. Travelled Every Road in This Here Land. Your long campaign took you... everywhere, really.

    You can read roadsigns in any language, and you and your party move 1.5x as fast when on actual roads.

  4. Hunted the Dead in the Hills. During one part of your campaign, your unit was tasked with cleaning out Unburied-infested ghost towns which threatened your supply lines. This was treacherous work, and you still have nightmares about an encounter with a cobold in the cellar of a church.

    You can smell a human corpse from two hundred feet. If you stay perfectly still for a full minute, you can hear the difference between a dark room which is silent and a dark room in which someone is not making a sound.

  5. Forded Eden White in Flood. You took part in a famous pre-dawn raid over a broad, deep river. Half of your force was swept away and drowned, but the enemy was taken entirely by surprise, and their leaders were slain before the watchmen were roused. Educated officers will have learned about this raid in the academy.

    You have a +4 bonus to any roll against being moved against your will.

  6. Killed an Evil Wizard With My Bare Hands. This one is a straight-up lie: you actually bashed the wizard to death with the occult manacles he had placed on you in preparation for a goetic sacrifice.

    You can tell the difference between magical and non-magical items by tasting them, and you get an extra save against any Command spell.

  7. Waded Ankle-Deep in Blood. You took part in an infamous blockade of a fortified city. The six-month siege resulted in the destruction of the walls and the slaughter of the inhabitants, which caused a mass-rising of the Unburied. The city is abandoned to this day and the survivors curse your name.

    You can identify the value of a mundane item in a real damn hurry, about as accurately as a first-level thief.

  8. Rode Beside A Hero. You once rode vanguard for a young man with a strange birthmark and a bad habit of rescuing people. Later, he distinguished himself as the Chosen One in some prophecy or other. This fact might be worth a free drink or two, but unless you can find the boy again, you probably won't get the full benefit of this tall tale.

  9. Strolled Through a Blockade. You were once besieged in a fortified city, cut off from supplies of food and water. When all hope seemed lost, you slipped out a side door one evening and walked through the enemy line. No one challenged you. You were as surprised by this as anyone.

    Outside of combat, people just assume you are where you belong unless given a compelling reason not to.

  10. Killed Three Men With One Shot. This one is also not true. You shot one man who was at the top of a tall ladder, and he knocked two others off as he fell.

    If you roll a critical hit with a firearm you make a ballistically improbable shot. The target you hit moves up to 10' in any direction you choose, including straight up. It's the Dungeon Master's problem to explain how this is possible.

  11. Won a Game of Riddles With A Giant. Self-explanatory, really. They were good riddles.

    Non-player characters take your riddles very seriously, although this usually isn't enough to dissuade them from killing you.

  12. Narrowly Escaped an Angry Husband. One escapade in a post-battle debauch led to a deadly choice: face an angry and armed city headsman while totally nude, or leap headfirst out a third-story window. You chose the leap, survived the fall, and haven't been afraid of heights since.

    You treat every fall as if it were 10 feet lower.

You've seen it before. Twice. You have a +4 bonus on saves vs. Fear. If you succeed, allies and hirelings who can see you have a +2 bonus to their save. Even if you fail the save, if you were carrying a loaded pistol you can take a shot before running away.

You aren’t some bumbling conscript, you're a Zouave, and people around here are starting to remember what that means. Peasant militias, wandering thief-catchers and other assorted low-caste warriors will look to you for guidance. Even the nobility will stop to listen if you make a fuss, although they might have you horsewhipped if you say something they don’t like. In addition, you can issue a challenge to an NPC you aren't currently fighting. Roll a d6 to determine their response, which depends on their social class:
  1. Peasant:
        1: Disbelief and derision,
        2-6: Intimidation and apology.
  2. Soldier:
        1: Loud mockery. Expect his friends to try and beat you up.
        2-5: They accept. Expect a fistfight or, at best, a choice of two sturdy clubs
        6: Intimidation and awkward verbal submission.
  3. Noble (shitty):
        1-2: A horsewhipping
        3-6: They accept. Name your terms.
  4. Noble (not shitty):
        1: Guards! Guards!
        2-5: A horsewhipping, followed by a second and more thorough horsewhipping
        6: Pistols at dawn.

Old Friends
They found you at last; the ones you've been trying to avoid for years. They might owe you a debt, but they are probably here to collect instead. This is someone who featured in one of your tall tales; maybe a survivor of a siege, or a hero, or an angry husband. Or a giant. Or a goat. Or a dead wizard.

Nose for Trouble
Your paranoia has saved your life many times, and if you attend to it closely it will save you many times more. You always go first in combat. If you are surprised, you aren't. If you take someone else by surprise you deal maximum damage with all attacks on your first turn. You sleep with a loaded gun under your pillow, and unless you've been strip-searched you always have 1d4 knives on your person. If someone demands you hand over your weapons you can pull the old unloading-an-armory gag and hand over all four — but you will still be carrying the 1d4.

Source: Wikipedia


  1. Ringsword. Classic Aeshean sword. Looks like a spatha with a big knuckleguard, and the pommel is a ring. Nobles would thread a ball-and-chain through the pommel in ages past, but that style has mostly fallen out of fashion.

  2. Snapchance. Classic Aeshean black-powder pistol. About the size, shape and weight of a foot attached to a calf. Deals 2d6 damage on a hit. Takes a full minute to reload, and fires with disadvantage if you moved last turn. -1 to-hit for every 10 feet between you and the target.
    A proper bullet gives a flat +1 to-hit, but you can load it with coins, shrapnel or crossbow bolts for no bonus.

  3. Black Powder. Comes in horns or kegs, you have a horn of it. The keg is probably as dangerous as a Fireball. Enough ink has been shed on this topic; I'm sure I don't need to explain how to use black powder in a game. 1 or 10 slots.

  4. Excellent Backpack. Every adventurer wears a backpack, but this one is really excellent. Allows you to carry two more items before becoming encumbered (not two more items total).

  5. Grapnel and 50' of rope. 1 slot each

  6. 40' of iron chain. 2 slots.

  7. A shortbow and a quiver with 20 arrows. 1 slot each.

  8. A wool cloak with a camouflage pattern of your choice. Options include: forest (green), desert (brown), ice (white and grey), sea (dark blue with green bits), sky (bright blue with white bits), city (cityscape), Hell (red and orange).

  9. A hammer and 10 eighteen-inch iron spikes. 1 slot each.

  10. A hand drill with a six-inch bit. Can make a hole in sedimentary rock in five minutes and igneous in half an hour. 1 slot.

  11. A flask that keeps hot things hot and cold things cold. Not magical, but if you suddenly produce a cup of steaming hot chocolate people might mistake you for an angel. 1 slot.

  12. A gleaming brass shield which can serve as a mirror. 2 slots.

  13. A stiff leather bag stuffed with straw, taller and broader than a man. Holding this below you lets you treat a fall as 20 feet shorter. 5 slots.

  14. A pair of manacles lined with gold. 1 slot.

  15. A pair of fashionable pincenez in an ivory sheath, which slightly (~1.15 times) magnify your vision.

  16. A book of famous poetry and quotations. Gorgeous leather binding, silk cover, perhaps an autograph from the poet.

  17. A small case of snake oil. The tinctures, ointments and potions inside have a 1-in-6 chance of healing 1 HP when applied. You could make 5d4 gp hawking this stuff on the sidewalk, or use it to impersonate a doctor. 2 slots.

  18. A golden candlestick. Worth 20 gp in good condition. Can be used as a light weapon against the undead, but it breaks on an attack roll of 1 and is only worth 5 gp as scrap. 1 slot.

  19. Red Powder. Comes in horns or kegs, you have a horn of it. This stuff is weaker than black powder, so weapons loaded with it deal two points of damage less, but it can fire when soaking wet, produces no smoke and is almost silent. The muzzle flash is lurid red and much brighter than that of normal powder. 2 or 20 slots (very heavy)

  20. A weird or inexplicable curio. Roll 1d6:
    • 1. A locket with a lacquer portrait of an old woman. If you whisper a message into the locket and close it immediately, the message will be repeated in an old woman's voice the next time the locket is opened.
    • 2. A crude bronze key, inscribed with eye-watering runes of evil import. The pagan magic of this key will seize up any mundane lock. They can then only be opened by the twin of this key — which, unfortunately, you do not own. It also doesn't make doors more difficult to bash down.
    • 3. A polished piece of cobalt ore, which looks exactly like a closed fist from one angle. 
    • 4. A red ribbon with gold brocade. Three feet long, and at least four times stronger than iron chain.
    • 5. An antimakassar with a map scrawled on it in blood. It isn't immediately obvious what it's a map of, but it has a big X mark and the words "GRAVEBORN SINNER HIDES THE GOLD 45 ½ AA"
    • A bronze skull with an opening on the top. Twice as deep as it is tall. Occupies 1 slot in your inventory, 2 slots of items can be contained within it.