5 GLOG Wizard Classes, M:tG Style

    I been playing Magic: the Gathering. Here's how to play Magic: the Gathering in GLOG.

Source: in image, art by Jason Kang

    Let me hit you with the basic concept: you're a GLOG wizard, but you don't (necessarily) get MD as you level up. Mana isn't something that humans make for free. If you want magic you need to hardscrab for it, need to tear it out of the still-beating hearts of dragons and so forth.

    The spellcasting mechanics are basically the same as in general GLOG. You have a Mana Pool, and that pool contains Mana Dice, and you roll Mana Dice to achieve effects from the [sum] and [dice], and you want to avoid doubles and triples, and so forth, and so on. You've read a GLOG content before, I don't need to explain the concept. The difference is this: normal GLOG wizards reset their pool at dawn, i.e. dice that have been expended are replaced. These wizards reset their pool at dawn, i.e. any unspent Mana Dice dissipate into the Etheric Planes.

    Wizards in this paradigm have less-convenient ways to add MD to their pool. The first source is consumable items (snorting ground-up wizard brain, smoking lotus flowers, grating priceless gems over pancakes), and I'll write up some of those at the end of this post for giggles.

    The second way is by nicking the natural mana of the land around you. You may tap into your current hex' power to add an MD of the appropriate color. At dawn, when the nigh-limitless octarine energies of the sun bathe the world once more, the land is ready to be tapped again... I guess you could call that untapping, if you wanted to. It has a certain ring to it.

    Some hexes are sources of better MD than others, and their features can influence the base 3-in-6 chance of MD expending or returning to your pool. You can share your domain with other characters, but if other wizards are tapping its power you'll have access to less, and if they're non-wizards they probably want things like "towns" and "roads" and "market days" and other things that will disrupt your magic with prosaic contagion.

    Also, MD have color now. I guess I'll write up some classic GLOG spells' color identity at the end of the post too.

Source: in image

Plain
if it's mostly well-tended farmland, +1
mostly well-stewarded pasture, +1
protected by sturdy walls, +1
home to a divine being, +1

home to visible unmanaged population (outsiders, poors, savages), -1
scattered with decaying structures, -1
a battlefield with unburied dead, -1

Source: in image

Island
if it's adjacent to another Island, +1
marked on no outsider's charts, +1
frequently underwater, +1
the residence of a legendary sea-beast, +1
moving, +2

within sight of mainland, -1
well-mapped by outsiders, -1
also some other Land, -1

Source: in image

Swamp
if it's surrounded by Swamp, +1
full of votive offerings, with mummies slumbering in its depths, +1
the last resting place of the crown/bones/sword of someone famous, +1
particularly acidic, noxious or destructive, +1
a place of hiding and refuge, +1

safely passable, -1
watched over by a non-monstrous fortress or castle, -1
blessed by a still-living cleric in an elaborate ceremony, -1

Source: in image

Mountain
if it's alone, with no adjacent Mountain, +1
sno-capped, +1
unsummited by Man, +1
home of a dragon, +1
volcanic, +2

well-traveled by caravans, -1
settled by Man, -1
full of locals that don't like you (dwarves, goblins, kobolds), -1

Source: in image

Forest
if it's surrounded by Forest, +1
old growth, +1
watched over by a giant ancient tree in the middle, +1
guarded by powerful spirits, +1
home of rare trees, +1

regularly managed (park, orchard, lumber &c), -1
rotten or diseased, -1 (and counts as a 0-in-6 Swamp)
guarded by no spirits at all, -1

Wizard of the Meadow, Coast, Fen, Foothill or Glade

Skills: 1. Academia 2. Occultism 3. Foreign, as the Swedish Chef is foreign
Starting Equipment: wizardly robes (as unarmored but people know you're for real), runéd staff (medium), spellbook (gnarly and probably eyeball-studded) in case, empty scroll case, 3 lotus petals.

• A School of Magic
• B Book Casting
• C Signature Spell
• D Spell Breeding

School of Magic
    You are a Wizard, with all that that entails. You have 1 spell slot in your brain per level, you start with two random spells, you can move spells between your head and your book with an hour's study, you have mishaps and Dooms as an Orthodox Wizard... Honestly, I feel silly even writing that much out. You're a wizard. Go out and wiz.

Book Casting
    You may cast a spell directly out of your spellbook without preparing it first, or off of a scroll without destroying it (and without getting the extra MD a scroll would usually grant). If you do this in combat the spell goes off at the end of the round and it's possible to interrupt you with an attack.

Signature Spell
    Choose one of your spells. You can no longer roll a mishap when casting that spell.

Spell Breeding
    You can breed spells like expensive and fragile ferrets in a farm for expensive and fragile ferrets. That's not a good metaphor. Assuming you've spent the 100gp on the equipment (which you should set up in your wizard-tower lab) and 25gp on the reagents (which are consumed), you may turn two spells into one spell. Discuss with your DM. This might result in a spell that already exists (like, I dunno, Mage Armor + Levitate = Floating Disc), or in some totally novel creation. You've got a wizard-tower lab, right? It's the 4th level. You ought to have a wizard-tower lab by now.

Druid

Skills: 1. Farming 2. Soldiering 3. Banking
Starting Equipment: wooden scale armor (as chain), copper sickle (medium), 3 bundles of holly (⅓rd slot each), flint and tinder.

• A Druidcraft, +1 green MD
• B Tappable, +1 green MD
• C Signature Shape, +1 green MD
• D Domain Expansion, +1 green MD

Druidcraft
    Druids are casters of field and fen, and though more restricted than a Wizard they have a natural font of power to make up for it. You have no spell slots. You have six loyal spells who follow at your heels, changing form with the landscape. They do not return normally after being cast, but must instead be propitiated by burning a bundle of holly. You may not carry ferrous objects and may not read from spellbooks or scrolls (though you may cast from wands and artifacts), and if you ever do so you are ritually unclean, and lose your spells and natural MD until you walk naked around the perimeter of a 6/6 Forest.

1. Wildshape
   R: n/a T: self D: [sum] minutes
   You turn into a creature with [dice] HD and [sum] HP, or a flying creature with 1 HD and [dice] HP, of a type appropriate to your locale. On a Plain this is a Cat (30' horizontal) or an Eagle (powerful eyesight), on an Island this is a serpent (swimming, crawling) or an Owl (nightvision), in a Swamp this is a Great Toad (poison bite) or a Bat (suck blood to heal), on a Mountain this is a Goat (powerful shove) or a Pterosaur (fireproof), and in a Forest this is a Wolf (skilled hunter) or Dragonfly (inconspicuous). You may not cast in this form. If your Wildshape's HP is depleted, you return to your normal self and take all overflow damage.
   
2. Encourage Growth
   R: sight T: an area [dice]*30' in radius D: instant
   Vegetable life in the target area undergoes rapid growth, causing [best] damage to unprotected creatures of your choice and snaring them in place until they can cut or tear themselves free.
   
3. Summon Monster
   R: 10' T: a spot a monster can appear in D: indefinite
   Summon a loyal, intelligent creature appropriate to your locale, with [dice] HD and [sum] HP. On a Plain this is a Lion (30' horizontal), on an Island this is a Sphinx (1 blue MD and Counterspell), in a Swamp this is a monstrous Crocodile (heals from eating), on a Mountain this is a Giant (heavy armor, massive weapon), and in a Forest this is a Bear (mighty). They remember you between casting, and will object to repeated use in weapon-testing or other boring and unpleasant tasks. They disappear at-will or upon reaching 0 hitpoints and your MD remain invested until this happens.
   
4. Disrupt Artifice
   R: touch T: an ongoing spell or a magic item D: see description
   If the target is an ongoing spell (an enchantment or curse &c), subtract [dice] and [sum] from it. If the target is a magic item, it becomes unusable for [sum] minutes, hours, days or years depending on how many [dice] were spent.
   
5. Compel Duel
   R: sight T: creatures D: [dice] rounds
   Select up to [sum] HP's worth of valid targets. They become murderously (but not suicidally) hostile to each other for the duration. 
   
6. Bring Disaster
   R: n/a T: current hex D: see description
   A natural disaster strikes within the hour. On a Plain this is a tornado, on an Island this is a tidal wave, in a Swamp this is a monsoon, on a Mountain this is an earthquake, and in a Forest this is a wildfire. At 1 [die], it is limited enough in scale that creatures may flee and only fragile buildings are threatened. At 2 [dice] it is serious enough to ruin a sturdy building or harm unwary creatures. At 3 it may ravage a small town and threatens all unprotected creatures in the affected area. At 4 [dice], the disaster overwhelms the entire hex, and can wipe populations from the map.
   

Tappable
    If you are willing, another caster can tap you for one of your MD.

Signature Shape
    Choose one of your Wildshape forms. You can always change into that shape, even when in other regions. You may choose another form with a day-long ritual at a 6/6 Forest.

Domain Expansion
    Choose a Land type. You have a demiplane of sorts which takes the form of a small area of the chosen Land type. While inside this demiplane you may tap the hex as if it were of the same Land type. Once per dawn, with a wave of your hands, you may lay your demiplane around you, shifting space and terrain and buildings and dungeons to fit. They return to normal when the demiplane moves again.

Warlock

Skills: 1. Dungeon maintenance and janitorial duties 2. Alchemy 3. Law enforcement
Starting Equipment: dark clothing (as unarmored, +1 to sneaking attempts), poniard (light), empty scroll, mark of loyalty to your Patron, 3 lotus petals.

• A Patron, Boon
• B Pact
• C Debt
• D Ultimate Aspect

Patron
    Some Warlocks have fallen from the ranks of other casters, but most are novices more eager for power than for the subtle pleasures of spellbook-scribbling and magical research. They are to Clerics as rideshare drivers are to unionized cabbies.
    As a Warlock you may use all magical accoutrements (spellbooks, scrolls, wands &c) that a Wizard can, but your brain has room for only 1 spell slot. Choose from: a powerful Fairy Prince, a mid-ranking Hellish bureaucrat, or a loose-cannon Angel. They want to use you for their own ends. Choose one spell from your entire list and roll 1d8 for another one, at this level and all subsequent levels.

Boon
    Your patron gives you a small gift of your choice. Devil and Fairy are both on there already, but it's up to you whether your Angel serves the Sun, Moon, Rain, Ocean or Winter; they'll bring you the appropriate gifts. You might be able to swap these out at a shrine to your patron, if you've been nice to them.

Pact
    Your patron bestows a significant gift upon you. Choose from the Blade, the Chain or the Book, and gain the indicated gift.
    Warlocks of the Blade have a bound weapon. You may designate a weapon, magical or otherwise, as their Pact Weapon. You may summon your Pact Weapon to your hand with a thought. If you wish to designate a new weapon as your Pact Weapon you may do so at a shrine to your patron. Regardless of what the weapon actually is, you are proficient in its use and its damage counts as magical against undead and werewolfs and so forth.
    Warlocks of the Chain have a familiar. Your familiar is a tiny pixie, imp or putti, is under your control in combat, can communicate with you telepathically, and can cast your spells as if they were you. If they die they return to your side the next time you sleep.
    Warlocks of the Book have a powerful spellbook. It comes three Wizard spells of your choice, and when you choose the book you gain an additional spell slot. At-will, you may cause this book to disintegrate into ash. You'll find its identical copy at a shrine to your patron.

Debt
    You may tap your patron for a Mana Die of any color. They expect repayment at their shrines in an appropriate form (10gp of expensive trinkets, 1HD of blood sacrifice, or a sleepless night of flagellation and prayer, to wit). Once you're in the hole for [level] MD or more, they won't loan you anything else until you repay in full. On certain occasions they might run you some more credit in exchange for small favors, ones liable to cause chaos in the civilized world, lead to the slow downfall of Moral Society, or undo the work of some other Warlock. Up to the DM.

Ultimate Aspect
    Long association with your patron has permanently marked you. Fey Warlocks may snuff fires with a glance and rapidly decay iron with a touch, and their eyes shift color, pattern and material when they aren't concentrating on just the one. Diabolical Warlocks may draw up binding contracts, and are followed by a mild whiff of coal smoke and cigars. Celestial Warlocks may cast sunlight from their face at-will, and become notably more attractive and trustworthy-lookin'.

Warlock Mishaps:

1. All MD cast in the spell are expended.
2. Malicious spirits nip at your soul. Take 1d6 damage.
3. 1d6 rounds of madness.
4. Your patron is in a Bad Mood. Gain a permanent mutation.
5. Your patron is in a Good Mood. They have a new plot, and to complete it they just need a small favor, almost nothing at all really, from you, just a moment of your time...
6. Your patron isn't paying attention to you at all. The spell is delayed by 1d4-2 rounds. Yes, this means it might go off before it was cast. That's the DM's problem, not mine.
   

Warlock Dooms:

1. The Warlock has called upon his patron's power at an inopportune time. A claw, paw or tentacle of whatever entity the patron was fighting has breached reality near the Warlock. Treat this as a 6HD monster which strikes once a round for 3d6 damage. Ignored or fled, the entity (12HD, strikes twice a round for 3d8 damage) breaches completely on a 2-in-6 chance, with serious consequences for the surrounding environment.
2. The Warlock's mistake is compounded. As above, but the entity breaches reality immediately.
   
3. The Warlock has fucked it good and proper for the last time. Everything and everyone within 30' are dragged bodily into patron's realm to fight an incursion of cosmic horrors. If they survive, the Warlock no longer rolls Dooms.

Fey Spells:

1. Charm
2. Sleep
3. Disguise
4. Invisibility
5. Levitate
6. Mage Armor
7. Scry
8. Illusion

Diabolical Spells:

1. Knock
2. Prismatic Ray
3. Disguise
4. Invisibility
5. Levitate
6. Mage Armor
7. Scry
8. Illusion

Celestial Spells:

1. Doom Song
2. Hypnotic Orb
3. Disguise
4. Invisibility
5. Levitate
6. Mage Armor
7. Scry
8. Illusion

Cleric

Skills: 1. Book-Keeping 2. Public Speaking 3. Archaeology
Starting Equipment: clerical robes (as unarmored, +1 to reactions from common folk), holy symbol, empty spellbook (black leather and gilt edges), heavy club (medium), 3 lotus petals.

• A Divine Grace
• B Book Casting
• C Always Welcome
• D Monsignor

Divine Grace
    The casters that common folk Clerics wander the world serving the great powers; the Sun, the Moon, the Rain, the Ocean, the Winter. These Clerics often have funny ideas about right and wrong, about who should lead and who should follow, about whether or not the gains of adventure are subject to tithe; nevertheless, they are a bulwark against the darkness.
    As a Cleric, you get 1 spell slot per template. You are permitted to fiddle with wands and scrolls and other accoutrements of wizardry, but your real strength lies in your Angels. An Angel is like a spell, except she's all aglow and sparkly and such, and she's far too proud (not to mention too large) to be stuffed into a book. Every dawn, choose as many Angels as you have templates in this class to accompany you that day; you may not double up, you've only got the one of each. After being cast, Angels return to Heaven to tell the great powers what you've been up to.

Book Casting
    As a Wizard.

Always Welcome
    Tales of your good deeds, hopefully true ones, have spread far and wide. You have a +[level] bonus to reaction rolls with the common folk, and your presence applies a -[level] penalty to morale checks from assorted bastards.

Monsignor
    You've become so well known that 2d6 0th-level disciples follow you from town to town. They're loyal, and brave enough to follow you into a dungeon, but not particularly competent. If you want to start something greater, you'll have to begin work on a domain.

Cleric Mishaps:

1. All MD cast in the spell are expended.
   
2. The strain proves too much. Take 1d6 damage.
3. You saw what Angels really look like. Roll a random mutation. After 1 minute, save or it's permanent.
   
4. All Angels leave in a hurry, they need to be somewhere, sorry.
5. You fear the sky for 1d6 rounds.
6. No spellcasting for 1d6 rounds.

Cleric Dooms:

1. One of the great powers has begun to hate you. Choose. When in the presence of that great power, random chance turns against you. 
2. Another of the great powers has begun to hate you. The DM rolls. When in the presence of that great power, random chance turns against you. When in the presence of two, freak accidents repeatedly occur, with your destruction as their obvious goal.
3. A third of the great powers has begun to hate you. The DM rolls, but it doesn't really matter; three out of five is a simple majority. If you are ever in the presence of all three at once (including when you roll this Doom), your heart and everything within 10' of it is scooped out of existence.
   

Angels:

1. Kindness
   Kindness wears a baseball cap and sunglasses so it's impossible to say what she looks like. Yours must be broken or something, because she never actually leaves to go back to Heaven. She'll try her hand at almost anything for some MD — though she's terribly incompetent and, to be honest, prone to criminalisms. If it matters, she can lift an object of [sum] pounds without dropping it and bursting into tears.
   
2. Heal
   R: touch T: an injured person D: instant
   Heal is a mature woman in a white smock, with a gentle glow around her face (featureless but for a toothy maw). She quickly sews shut lacerations, sets bones, removes a fatal wound, and heals for [sum] hitpoints.
   
3. Turn Undead
   R: [dice]*30' T: undead within range D: [dice] minutes
   Turn is a petulcous woman in heavy working clothes, with a ram's horns and a ram's eyes. Targets are harried, shoved, prodded, butted, grappled and frogmarched out of arm's reach of range.
   
4. Kindle
   R: touch T: a creature or object within reach D: instant
   Kindle is a frightening woman in evening wear, with an enthusiastic snarl and thick smoked lenses. She sets the target alight for a moment, igniting flammable substances and dealing [sum] damage. If used on an unwilling creature, the spell is an unarmed attack that ignores armor.
   
5. Rebuke
   R: sight T: all creatures in range D: [dice] minutes
   Rebuke is an unforgiving woman, wearing a blindfold and wielding brass scales like a horrible double-headed ball and chain. She immediately ends any ongoing fight, and for the duration any who attempt something hostile (say, by attacking or by casting a damaging spell) take [best] damage without a save.
   

Sorcerer

Skills: 1. Imperialism 2. Increasingly alarming personal history 3. Just the normal kind of history
Starting Equipment: outlandish outfit (as unarmored, +1 to reactions from openminded folk), impractical weapon (your choice), cover off of a spellbook (begemmed), 3 lotus petals.

• A Heritage, +1 Meta Die
• B Metamagic, +1 MD
• C Exploding, +1 MD
• D Changeable, +1 MD

Heritage
    Certain people are born better than others, and by "certain people" we of course mean Sorcerers, and by "others" we of course mean Wizards. You're a chad. You're hot shit. You've got the blood of G_d in your veins, or maybe dragon-fire, or maybe you're just that good.
    As a Sorcerer, you get 1 spell slot per template. You can (that is, must) cast from a spellbook like the page is a scroll (i.e. burning it up, getting an extra Mana Die of the appropriate color, and losing the spell). It takes you 8 hours to move spells between your head and a spellbook, and you can never craft scrolls or breed spells, because sorcerers aren't fucking nerds, alright? Alright? Fuck you. You also have Meta Dice which can be added to spells to boost their [sum] and [dice], but don't have a color, so can't be used to cast a (normal) spell on their own.
    When you roll doubles, you experience a Wild Magic Surge, instead of a mishap or such, and the DM rolls secretly on the table. When you roll triples, that counts as three unique doubles. Quadruples would be six unique doubles, I think, but who's counting?

Metamagic
    For each Meta Die involved in casting the spell, you may add a meta-effect of your choice that changes its nature. You may only add a meta-effect once. Mostly nicked from here.

Exploding
    Your MD explode on a 6 or higher.

Changeable
    The DM will now tell you what Wild Magic Surges were rolled. If you like, you can roll another one. If you do so, you may remove one.

Meta-Effects:

1. Widen: Area-of-effect spell doubles its radius.
2. Silent: Casting is silent.
3. Quicken: You may take another action this turn.
4. Extend: Duration of the spell is multiplied by a factor of [dice]+1.
5. Specificate: Range becomes [dice] miles. If the target is not within line of sight, you must know the precise location relative to your own or, if the target is a creature, you must be holding a part of that creature.
6. Twin: Single-target spell hits another target.
7. Surge: Roll a Wild Magic Surge.
8. Maximize: After determining how many surges were rolled and how many [dice] exploded, all MD came up 6. Expend them and calculate [sum] accordingly.

Wild Surge

1. For the rest of the day, when you speak you breathe fire for 10' and 1d6 damage.
2. Swarm of rodents appears and carries you 30' in a random direction.
3. Every creature within 30' of you levitates six inches off the ground. They may paddle around but cannot walk.
4. A 1HD Fire Elemental appears. He is friendly to you, but not loyal.
5. Lightning strikes one person within 1 mile at random.
6. All plants within 1 mile become animate and hostile.
7. You are cursed to be bright blue.
8. A strong pleasant smell wafts out of you and follows you for the next day.
9. A rain cloud forms above your head and rains in a 10' radius for the next hour.
10. You grow a prehensile lizard tail, which you can sunder as a shield to deflect 1d6 damage from an attack.
11. You grow 1d6 inches taller or shorter.
12. Your intense magical radiation accidentally aligned with that of a devil from the Fourth Hell, causing an apprentice magician to summon you into a binding circle. They assume you are the imp under a cunning disguise.
13. Two identical copies of you appear and attempt to convince everyone they're the real you. They disappear after taking 6 damage.
14. Spell ricochets to random target.
15. [sum] is increased by 7.
16. The money in your pocket cycles, copper -> silver, silver -> gold, gold -> copper.
17. Smoking gnats (gnats with cigarettes, not burning gnats) pour out of your ears for 1 minute, making it difficult to hide or concentrate.
    
18. You are surrounded by a spectral shield for 1 minute, +2 AC, all spells you cast or are cast on you have a 2-in-6 chance of being reflected.
19. A small explosion covers your face in soot and singes your eyebrows. If you cough loudly and say "Well, that just happened!" the DM applauds and grants you 25XP.
    
20. A confused, hungry 4HD bear appears within 60'.
21. Punch through the skybox and into the Akashic Record. Save vs. a random madness, and ask one yes-or-no question on any subject for a truthful answer. You fall back to the earth for 1d6 damage.
    
22. The nearest wand, or wand-like stick, turns into an angry rattlesnake for 1 minute.
23. All artifacts within 60' activate and discharge to the best of the DM's ability.
24. A bird flies out of your sleeve. If you aren't wearing clothes with sleeves, a bird appears and brings you a pair of sleeves.
25. All fires within 60' are snuffed
26. Brilliant light emits from you, blinding you and creatures who can see you for 1 minute
27. All weapons within 60' become intelligent and can speak the language of their wielder. Roll for alignment.
28. All casters within 60' lose the ability to cast spells for an hour.
29. You glow in the presence of a random race for the next year.
30. Your hair immediately grows to floor length.
31. All body hair falls out.
32. People are under the impression they can freely insult you for 1 day.
33. A random spell from your spell list is dual-cast at the same target.
    
34. The nearest dragon is loudly alerted of your presence and exact location.
35. All corpses within 1 mile are reanimated as unhelpful skeletons.
36. The nearest corpse is resurrected, permanently.
37. A 60' radius around you becomes hallowed ground that evil creatures cannot enter
38. A 60' radius around you becomes unhallowed ground that good creatures cannot enter
39. Punch through reality to enter the Ethereal Plane for [sum] minutes, returning to a safe spot.
    
40. A random creature within 60' is transported to Hell for [sum] minutes. They reappear in a safe spot, but noticeably changed by the experience.
    
41. Closest NPC's alignment and opinion of you is inverted.
    
42. Your next attack is a guaranteed critical hit.
    
43. You turn into a talking dog for 1 hour. Your abilities are otherwise unaffected.
    
44. You gain a random mutation, permanently.
45. All creatures within 60' gain the same random mutation for 1 minute. 
46. Your emotions can be smelled by nearby creatures for 1 day.
47. Your hands pop right off. They scuttle around with the stats of a Crab, and you'll have to coax them back yourself. 
48. You are covered in an airtight layer of 5gp of gold leaf. Takes about six seconds to tear your face free.
49. Your head becomes a prime nesting spot for a kind of interdimensional hair-eating hummingbird. If you refuse to do your duty (nest hat) you are helping to destroy an endangered species 😔
50. You become imbued with quintessence, and thus can only move in circles and ellipses and such. The next spell you cast discharges the aether, causing its path to curve towards a random target and ending this effect.
    
51. Geometric outlines raise beneath your skin and twist and grind against each other like a puzzle desperately trying to solve itself. Hope it doesn't, 1-in-100 chance it does.
52. Your footsteps are loud enough to crack glass for 1 hour. 
53. The spell fails utterly, though dice are expended as normal, and a cloud overhead spells out the word  N O .
54. The memory of a forgotten passion returns with full force. Next time you're in town, you must obtain at least 50gp worth of candy and collectible cards. 
55. You vomit up your own weight in raw hamburger.
56. You startle as if waking from deep sleep, now holding bolt cutters, a crowbar, and a small opal from... somewhere.
57. One of your skills turns into a little skillmunculus and runs off, gleefully performing its thing (cobblemunculus cobbles, historymunculus postulates, &c). Anyone who eats it gains the skill.
58. You are now on a horse. The horse is running very fast. The horse does not like you, and does not want you on it.
59. Them Changes, by Thundercat, plays at 180 decibels from the nearest tree. 
60. You forget all languages for 1 hour.
61. You have to walk backwards. This makes running difficult.
    
62. The spell gains 1 [dice] for every wedding you, the player, have attended.
63. 216 Modrons appear and begin constructing a machine out of nearby parts, such as treasure and traps and doors and magic swords.
64. All food on your person rots to nothing.
65. Somewhere, somewhen, the King of Beetles takes a step to the left. This is unlikely to affect your life in any way. 
66. You are cursed with face-blindness. You're essentially a Hitman NPC until someone removes the curse.
    
67. You become somewhat unsure any of this, you or your world, is real.
68. 4d10 heavily-armed 1HD warriors, four 2HD sergeants and one 4HD captain arrive at your location. Roll reaction to see what they think of you.
69. You turn into a silhouette for 1 day. This makes you invisible in darkness
70. All casters within 60' reset their MD pools. 
71. The next attack against you is a guaranteed critical hit. 
72. Your templates change to a random GLOG class for 1 day. 
73. For the next 24 hours, you taste sounds and hear colors. Being angry makes you cold and being happy makes you purple.
74. All creatures within 60' sprout antlers. They shed them in late November.
75. You become imbued with earth, and thus are drawn almost irresistibly down. Until you fall at least 20' you cannot float in water and must save to not investigate a cool (DM's discretion) cave.
76. A 6HD sphinx appears and asks you a cunning riddle. She'll reward you with a minor magic item if you pass, and attempt to eat you if you fail.  
77. A 6HD sphonx appears and asks you a bullshit riddle. He'll get bored after about thirty seconds, whether you answer or not, and attempt to eat you. 
78. Your two (1. legs 2. arms 3. eyes 4. ears 5. kidneys 6. brain hemispheres) unionize. If one of them stops working, they both will. If they perceive that you're overusing them, 1-in-6 chance they agree to go on strike (they don't cooperate as a team very well). 
79. The next time it rains in this hex, it will rain toxic frogs. 
80. All flammable clothing within 60' catches fire.
    

 
    Here are some mana items:

1. Lotus Petal. Smoked in a pipe to grant you 1 MD of any color. 1gp each.
2. Sol Ring. May be tapped to add 2 colorless MD to your pool. 200gp.
3. Spellish Dynamo. Horrible mechanical gizmo, something like a hamster wheel, that tuckers out one of your spells for the day and adds 1 colorless MD to your pool. 50gp, 1 slot.
4. It's 6:20 I don't give a shit. Google the phrase "mana rock".

    Here are some selected Wizard Spells and their color identities.

1. Charm - white
2. Color Spray - white
3. Disguise - blue
4. Doom Song - black
5. Explode Corpse - black
6. Fade - blue
7. Fear - black
8. Feather Fall - white
9. Fireball - red
10. Floating Disk - blue
11. Grease - red
12. Hypnotic Orb - white
13. Illusion - blue
14. Invisibility - blue
15. Knock - red
16. Levitate - blue
17. Light - white
18. Lock - blue
19. Mage Armor - green
20. Magic Missile - red
21. Mirror Image - blue
22. Mirror Object - colorless
23. Mirror Self - blue
24. Prismatic Ray - red
25. Raise Zombie - black
26. Rot - black
27. Scry - blue
28. Sleep - blue
29. Wall of Light - white
30. Web - green
31. Wizard Vision - blue

    Incidentally, this is how interpreted my prompt of "diegetic Magic"