For wr3cking8a11 in the OSR Discord. Prompt:
- Answer jeff's 20 questions for modern earth. (whether the magic is secret or not is up to you) link
- what are 10 things someone could be born with to make a better adventurer/looter/
- I want to ascend to a higher form of being. What is it, and how can I do it?
- Make a class based on floriography and the arrangement of bouquets (GLOG or non, either works)
- a table of people to hire at a bar that sits at the center of all universes
- make up a few spells based on songs from your playlist (GLOG or not, either way)
This isn't actually a floriographer, and it doesn't really ascend
so much as denature
, but the d12 list of things this class is born with has ten good things (and two useless ones).
I am calling this a warlock because I suppose that's what it's closest to. It might just be wizard with some very weird cantrips and limitations.
|The Quarrel of Oberon and Titania, Joseph Noel Paton 1849|
You are an amphibian; half natural, half super-natural. If you had been brave and strong you would have become a great hero. If you had been clever and talented you would have become a genius artist. If you had been all of those things — well, no use wondering about that. You are none of them. You are a vagabond, with no real home and no one to be sad when you leave.
You are a three-quarters-caster, gaining Gifts
from your father, Oberon, and Mother Dice
from your mother, Titania, at levels past the first. If you have at least one template in this class, you can not fumble while wielding a foil, discus, light javelin or other prissy and slightly stupid weapon. You can wear light armor only.
- A Unmistakable Mark, +1 To-Hit
- B Incredible Ability, +2 HP, +1 MD
- C Inhuman Form, +1 MD
- D Terrible Power, +1 MD
Your heritage is obvious to anyone who gets a good look at you. Roll a 3d12 on the following table of bizarre, disgusting disfigurements and record the results. If you roll the same result twice, take your choice of the one above or below.
- Forked Tongue. Your tongue splits in two at the tip. This gives you a slightly dribbly speech impediment and makes it impossible to eat ice cream.
You get a -1 penalty to any roll which would be negatively influenced by a bad lisp or by people freaking out over your weird tongue (begging favors from gods, reaction rolls with old people, &c).
You get a +1 bonus to any roll which would be positively influenced by people assuming you are the devil or by a very distinct voice (threatening a shopkeeper, singing rock music &c).
- Webbed Digits. The skin between your fingers and toes grows out to the second knuckle, which is a little gross. Your hands are not syndactyl; you retain full range of motion in your fingers.
You can swim even if you are from an area where most people can't. You are probably faster in the water than anyone who isn't a professional athlete.
- Alexandrine Eye. The pupil of one eye is broken, like an egg, and it almost seems to be two eyes. The iris is multicolored and neither of those colors matches the other eye.
Illusions and glamors are unpleasant and unconvincing to you, and you can walk around with your good eye closed to see disturbances in the air where invisible things are.
- Red Hair. Shit, you really got exiled from all of mankind for being a ginger?
- Toothed Babe. You were born with a full set of gleaming pearly chompers. Your adult teeth are quite sharp, and a little too large for your mouth.
You have a 1 damage bite attack which always hits against someone you have grappled. You also regain 1 HP when you drink a quart of human blood, but it must be quite fresh.
- Crooked Back. Your spine has grown wrong. It is painful for you to carry heavy weights, and you are much smaller than you should be.
Your carrying capacity is reduced by three, but you can fit in any gap a child might be able to squeeze through. If you dress up right you can be mistaken for someone extremely old or extremely young
- Always Smiling. Your flat, crushed face has a perpetual grin plastered across it. You can hide it for a moment if you focus and try really hard. The smile is unaffected by sadness or pain.
You get +1 to reaction rolls with humans the first time you meet them. You inflict a -1 penalty to morale rolls; both those of your enemies and those of your hirelings. Dogs hate you and will attack or flee as soon as they see your smile.
- Crude Form. You are the size and shape of a monster. Your face curdles milk and breaks mirrors, your uneven shoulders are as broad as a cart, and your mismatched hands can easily crush small animals and children.
Your carrying capacity is doubled, but you can never gain hirelings regardless of your Charisma score. Most civilized creatures will assume you are unintelligent or hostile, regardless of your Intelligence score.
- Awful Wails. You were a loud baby.
Your voice is a little louder and deeper than normal. Your hirelings have +1 to their morale rolls while you are barking orders at them.
- Ravenous Appetite. You were always eating as a child. Acorns, insects, scraps of burnt bread — anything you could fit in your mouth you managed to eat, somehow.
You never need to cook your rations to benefit from them. Raw meat doesn't hurt you. If you eat two rations at lunch, you regain the maximum amount of HP possible.
- Piebald Flesh. Your skin is two-toned. You might have patches of white or dark red, or both.
This doesn't really affect your abilities at all, but people think it's weird.
- Wings. You have large iridescent wings like an insect. They are quite delicate, but can usually be hidden underneath clothing. Children and other stupid creatures think they are beautiful
You can fly as fast as you can walk for one round per day per level, up to the tenth level.
Cats, goats and exotic dancers marvel at your nimble grace. If an object can bear your weight you can balance on it. You can dance until midnight without tiring, run at full speed over fresh ice, and you always land on your feet. Treat all falls as ten feet shorter.
This is a safe place to stop, as a changeling. You don't need to gain any more templates in this class. You can choose to level up without doing so, and even gain new Gifts like normal. I'll tell you what; go and earn your other two templates in a different class and you can still have the MD from this one. I won't tell anybody. Skip the next few paragraphs and scroll down to the section that says "Gifts" in big letters.
Don't even worry about it. Don't think about what might-have-been. Don't think about what you might be passing up, like a fucking idiot, like everyone in the whole world has passed you up. I'm sure your parents are proud of you anyway — wherever they are.
If you want to continue gaining these templates, there's something you have to do first. You owe a great debt to a Fairy, and in the land of the Fairy debts are payable in only one currency. To reach the third level you will have to offer your patron a great deal of human life. The ritual to do so is lengthy, and requires a few special ingredients: a knife made out of flint (not iron!), an oak tree older than a century, and a full moon.
Once you have these ingredients and a little spare time, the process is straightforward: one year of strong, healthy life equals one point of XP. A human sacrifice is worth about ((40 – 1d20) – [age of sacrifice]) points. This is the only way to earn experience towards the next level; experience from other sources is not counted. Your patron will not be cheated so easily.
In addition, they need one more favor from you: the replacement of a human child with another changeling. After all you've done to get this far, is that really such a big deal?
You are, at last, free. The human body was a clumsy tool, and yours was a little more inconvenient than most. But you don't have to worry about that now.
Any ability score which was worse than 10 is now 10. You now know a glamor which disguises you as a conventionally attractive form of yourself — the form of the child you replaced all those years ago. While in this form you keep any positive aspects of your Unmistakable Marks and no longer suffer the negative ones. Your glamor fools even careful physical inspection, but if you are exposed to holy water it disappears for twenty-four hours. If dogs didn't hate you before, they do now.
You have grown into your own as a changeling. You take half-damage from sources which are not iron, fire or holy water (which burns you as it would a walking corpse). Any ability score which was lower than 12 is now 12.
Your glamor has likewise grown. By spending twenty-four hours in meditation, you can memorize the form of any human being who has willingly told you their name. You can assume any of these forms at will, though if you are damaged by holy water they are lost and must be remade. You can "return" these names to their owners, if you are feeling generous or if they offer you an interesting bargain.
In addition to all of this, you no longer feel guilt or sorrow. You are immune to Charm and Fear effects. You no longer age. You can eat a pound of living things instead of a ration. When you die you will not leave a ghost, and you can not be resurrected. The child who was stolen is gone forever.
Your father, Oberon, is generous with his gifts. Your mother, Titania, gives you the power to use them. This power takes the form of Mother Dice
, which are basically exactly the same thing as Magic Dice
. Every time you gain a template in this class (besides your first), roll a d8
to determine what gift you have discovered. You can earn more by trading with powerful Fairy.
To use a gift you must have access to certain flowers. Pressed flowers will do, but you risk Mishaps
if you roll doubles on your MD
. You always gain a Doom
if you roll triples, whether casting from fresh or from pressed flowers.
R: self, T: self, D: [sum] hours.
You appear to be dead. If you invest one [die], you are cool to the touch and won't fog a mirror. If you invest two, you smell terrible and have any wounds you wish. If you invest three, you are in as many pieces as you wish over a five-foot square.
R: [dice] miles, T: a spherical area 50 feet in diameter, D: n/a.
You restore [sum]/2 HP to all plants, animals and people within the target that you choose.
R: self, T: self, D: [sum] hours.
You hear the howling of wolves when someone with hostile intentions is within [dice] miles. You hear as many wolves as there are hostile people. Using it near an army might be deafening, assuming the army is marching for you.
R: eye contact, T: a human, D: [sum] minutes.
The target is becomes intensely naive and distractable. They will believe anything told to them on a [dice]-in-six chance, or else loudly reject it and accuse you of pulling their leg. Targets will ignore input from leg-pullers for the duration of the spell. After the spell ends, they will not fully understand that they have been ensorceled unless someone points it out to them. Creatures immune to Charm are immune to this gift.
R: touch, T: a person, D: [dice] minutes.
All damage taken by the target is deferred until the end of this spell, when they take all of it at once. If the damage taken would be less than [sum], they take no damage at all.
R: self, T: Self, D: [dice] minutes.
While this gift is
active you take half damage from all sources except fire and iron. Most
weapons are made out of iron. If you already take half damage from a source, take no damage instead.
R: touch, T: any solid object D: [dice] days
The object you lay this glamor on seems to be worth [sum] gold. This is no mere illusion; people will invent whatever justifications they need in order to believe that the object is worth what they think it's worth. They will be angry when the spell ends.
R: touch, T: one person, D: [dice] years.
In addition to all normal checks, the target has a 1-in-6 chance of failure at everything. This applies to attack rolls and to saves, but also to projects on their farm, merchant ventures, marriage proposals — everything. The effect ends early if you die, deliberately end it, or upon being exorcised by a cleric with at least [dice] HD.
- Dice return to your pool only on a 1 or a 2 for twenty-four hours.
- You take 1d6 damage for no reason at all. Sucks to be you, pal.
- Your flower catches fire. Hope you weren't keeping it in an old book.
- You start scream-laughing for 1d6 rounds. If you rolled a 6, you are laughing so hard that you can not make any attacks.
- You start screaming for 1d6 rounds. If you rolled a 6, everyone who can hear you starts screaming as well.
- You lose your voice until you get a solid eight hours of sleep.
- You can not lie to anyone who knows your name. Your eyes turn milk-white. You can no longer tell when others are feeling grief.
- You can not disobey anyone who knows your name. Your hair and skin turn milky white. You can no longer tell when others are feeling anger.
- You can no longer intuit the feelings of others, and have no emotions of your own. In fact, you can no longer distinguish humans apart. The little things die too quickly, and they're so boring! What are you sticking around here for, anyway? There's a whole world out there for the taking, in the land of the Fairy.