Give Weight to Smoke (GLOG Class: Pyromancer)

They are firing, we are falling, and the red skies rend and shiver us,
Barbara, Barbara, we may not loose a breath —
Be at the bursting doors of doom, and in the dark deliver us,
Who loosen the last window on the sun of sudden death.

    This "pyromancer" is a barbarian, more properly. This is a post for the long-suffering Eos of Noblesse Goblige, who has been waiting for this class for two years.

Source: Dark Souls - Pyromancer by Pizza-Surgeon

    The g_ddess known as Fireball is a terrible three-eyed angel. Her domain is fire. Pyromancers are those who can communicate with the fire — not, as is commonly believed, wizards who produce fire through magic; the Pyromancers light fires themselves to have someone to talk to. Fire is man's oldest friend (flint was first but we aren't friends any more). He's a charming conversationalist, but a bad influence overall. Together the two of you will work Her ends in the world.

Class: Pyromancer

    For you, rage is gift from your g_ddess. Your flame is partly of Fireball, and partly of of your own body. It develops right along with your skill. Pyromancy is the ultimate fantasy; a tiny spark of Creation a man can hold in his clenched fist.
    As a Pyromancer, you never fumble while using hatchets, knives, clubs, staffs, flails and other farming equipment. You can wear light or medium armor, may wield shields, and know how to ride a horse.

Skills: 1. Wetlands survival 2. Stonecutting 3. Library science
Starting Equipment: A Pyromancy flame, sturdy handaxe (light), tattered survivalist gear (as unarmored, -1 reaction with authorities, +2 reaction with outcasts), cracked round shield (as a shield, but breaks the first time you take a critical hit), two other starting gifts from the list below

• A Kundalini, Three Eyes, +2 SNEK
• B Fireball, +1 HP
• C Vain Things, +2 SKLL
• D Other Side, +1 HP

Kundalini
    You express your devotion to your g_ddess of flames by demonstrating your trust. At the beginning of each day, you must thrust your hands into a bonfire and grasp a burning brand. Doing this means you are immune to small and conventional flames (fiery swords; burning arrows; sparks and cinders; briefly thrusting your gnarled, scarred hands into a bonfire) and take half damage from large or supernatural flames (Fireball, explosions, housefires, the fire of other Pyromancers). If you miss a day, the next time you do this you aren't immune to the fire until the ritual is completed; you take 1d6 points of damage to your dexterity as your hands blister and burn (stat damage heals at a rate of 1 per day).

Three Eyes
    Each time you enter a rage, you may select one of the following Pyromancies to be able to use until the next time you regain Rage. Each Pyromancy has a certain number of uses before it is depleted. You don't need to be in a rage to use these Pyromancies, but all unused uses (note to G.R. Michael: rephrase that) are lost when you regain your Rage.

1. Fire Bolt. 6 uses. Produce a fiery dart in your hand, then strike an enemy or throw it 20' as a knife that deals 1d6+[level] fire damage. Shatters fragile objects, and sterilizes wounds as it makes them. 
2. Combustion. 10 uses. Extend a 15' cone of of heat out of your hand, igniting flammable objects and dealing 1d8+[level] fire damage to creatures who fail a save.
3. Iron Flesh. 3 uses. Touch someone and say a little prayer, replacing their body with a crude cast-iron layfigure for one minute or ten rounds. They gain [level] points of DR and lose most of the weaknesses of the mortal body, but are unable to float in water, climb ladders, or move faster than a painful limp. If they die in this form, the change is permanent.
   
4. Flash Sweat. 3 uses. Touch a creature on their furnace chakra (their tummy), and they begin to sweat profusely for one minute or ten rounds. This is a good, healthful effect, rather like a sauna, and gives the target a +[level] bonus to saves, and resistance to mundane fire (if they don't have that already).
   
5. Evil Vapor. 2 uses. A complex set of gestures fills a 10' cube with toxic smoke which deals 1d6 poison damage every round to breathing things.
6. Warmth. 4 uses. Produces a glowing orb in front of you while you maintain concentration, which heals nearby creatures (whether friend or foe) for 1 HP a round for [level] rounds.
   

Fireball
    You are no wizard, and you control no spells. You call upon your g_ddess and, like a scorned lover — She is here! You can spend Rage as if it were MD to cast Fireball; results of 1, 2 or 3 return to your Rage pool.

Fireball
R: 200' T: a point with an unobstructed path from the caster D: instant
A bead of flame flies from the caster's outstretched hand and races to the target point. Upon impact, it blossoms into a fireball of [dice]*10' radius, generally conforming to the space (care must be taken when casting underground), and dealing [sum] damage to all creatures caught in the deflagration, save for half.

Vain Things
    
    The fire knows many strange and wonderful things (which he doesn't really care about because it isn't related to fuel). Songs, legends, histories, and even the memories of the pyromancers of old are kept safe and warm in the heart of the fire. If you write a name on a piece of paper (preferably in their native tongue) and cast it into flames, you will learn your target's HD, any class levels they have, and whether the fire considers their hands to be Spotless, Stained or Dripping with Crimson.
    If you have some piece of spoor (poo will do, but hair or blood, fragments of equipment, and especially any object they once kept close is best) you may burn it to learn one of the following pieces of information (possibly more, for a significant clew):

1. their name
   
2. their physical appearance
   
3. the sound of their voice
4. the location of their hearth
   
5. their most notable deed
6. who it is they serve

    If you burn a poppet that wears some piece of their clothing, with some scrap of their hair on its head, with some of their blood in its heart, and with a lovingly-detailed face, you can learn all of the following pieces of information:

1. their exact current location
2. their next immediate course of action
3. what they love most
   
4. what they fear most
   

Other Side
    These are generally considered to be the greatest expressions of Pyromancy. This is wrong, of course. There's more and better out there.

1. Fire Storm. 4 uses. Spend a turn kowtowing and screaming. Small flames erupt out of the ground around you. At the beginning of your next turn, these small flames explode into pillars of fire, dealing 2d6+[level] fire damage  (save for half) to all creatures within 20' of you. Likely to provoke morale checks from animals and undisciplined combatants. 
2. Fire Lash. 4 uses. Produce a billowing flame in your hand, heavy and solid like a length of chain, and swing it in an arc in front of you. All creatures within whipping-range save; if they fail, they take 1d6+[level] fire damage and must make a dexterity check; if they fail that one too, they are tossed back 10' onto their ass 
   
3. Arete Beacon. 2 uses. Mark a holy symbol on your brow or the brow of a friend. For one minute, or ten turns, bright light beams 60' out from their face. They have a +1 bonus to all attack and damage rolls for the duration. The bonus increases by 1 each time they strike an enemy.
   
4. Touch of the Sacred. 1 use. Reach out your hand and touch a creature (touch AC is 10) or object, and fill them with a little bit of your fire. You can always find your way to this fire. At will, you may have it detonate for [charisma] damage, no save.
   
5. Watchful Serpent. 2 uses. Bring your hands together, then bring them out smartly. A pillar of flame rises from the ground, then coils 'round like a living thing. The Watchful Serpent attacks as a Fast Horse, but all fiery and so forth.
   
6. Power Within. The grace of your g_ddess fills you, scalp to heels. All damage you deal, by any means, is doubled. You lose 1 hitpoint per turn for [max HP] turns.
   

If measured by a glass,
How long would you be burning! Let there pass
A minute, ten, ten trillion minutes; but the blaze
Is infinite and eternal: this is death.
To die and know it, this is the Black Widow; death.

Some secrets must never be shared, even with the grave.

Starting Gifts:

1. Pyromancy Flame. What power art thou, to bid this piece of heaven descend, mingle with thy flesh, arise at thy voice? Sheds 10' of bright light when held in the hand. 0 slots.
   
2. Sturdy Handaxe. A light weapon with a well-worn handle and a well-cared-for blade.
   
3. Tattered Survivalist Gear. Despite its raggedy appearance, it's quite warm and dry, and nearly fireproof. 0 slots worn, 2 slots carried.
   
4. Six black firebombs. Comedic floppy fuse. Can be hucked 20' for 1d6 fire damage and 1d6 shrapnel-type damage (a new kind I've just come up with), save for half. 1/3rd slot each.
   
5. Noble-blooded Pony. Doesn't respond to "ho there" or "woahah" or "hee-hie" or "aow-aow-aow!" any other nonsense; only to "sir".
   
6. Bottle of holy water. This is Fireball's holy water, to be specific. The g_ddess of fire — listen it's diesel. This is a jerrycan of diesel. 2 slots.
   
7. Binoculars. Work a beaut. 1 slot.
   
8. Quicksand Pole. Ten feet long, helps to distribute your weight when sinking in quicksand. Optimistically, yours has fifteen feet of waxed cord attached to one end, and a small brass barb.
   
9. Master Key. 2-in-6 locks will respond to vigorous thrusting.
   
10. Lightning Whetstone. A whetstone of catseye sapphire. The flaw in its heart resembles a bolt of lightning. Blades sharpened by it for one minute are imbued with the sapphire's essence, and their next three blows deal lightning damage instead of cutting/slashing.
    
11. Three Swan Tokens. Cast the token on the ground, name the recipient of the message, and speak up to three simple (the adjective subject adverbally verbs the adjective object) sentences. A faceless swan, with knives instead of feet, will attempt to deliver the message. It may take a while. The swan may not try very hard.
    
12. Cox Cone. Attaches to your face to greatly magnify your voice. Looks splendidly stupid, and is uncomfortable to wear.
    
13. A hammer and a pack of 10 eighteen-inch iron spikes. 1 slot each.
    
14. Skull Lantern. Technically a bullseye lantern, which shines candlelight through eyeholes and grin and so-forth. A real skull? 1 slot.
    
15. Impressive Boots. Knee-high and debossed with monastic precision. Across the two boots, one may read panels of rich symbolism which tell a tale of a deep, deep kingdom of the mountain, where there lived a cruel king with too many sons. Gives you +2 AC vs. floor-crawling things. 1 slot.
    
16. Thief's Dagger. A long-handled light weapon, stolen from a bandit. May be two-handed for 1d8 damage.
    
17. The Ten Lifetimes, being a strange tale of a seemingly-immortal shipwright and alcoholic from the eastern regions of the Deltan archipelagoes. When handy as reference, grants an extra roll on checks to repair or maintain. 1/3rd slot.
    
18. Red Flesh Pin. A gruesome little decoration, resembling an orchid, or perhaps a partially-disassembled organ. Pyromancers who choose this pin at character creation recognize each other on sight.
    
19. Quart of Javel-water. Powerfully damaging to slimes, insects, and other unclean things, who will not cross a puddle of it on the floor. 1 slot.
    
20. A weird or inexplicable curio. Roll 1d6:
    
    1. Hungry Ferret Puppet. This sockpuppet extends up to 30', and can swallow objects small enough to be concealed in your palm. 
    2. A golden cup, studded with jewels. Almost priceless. Marked with the words PROVIDED FOR TRAVELERS BY THE LARGESS OF COUNT STRAHD.
    3. Little Fellow's Ring. You don't rightly know what this does, but the band is a cheap copper and the grey stone has a tiny 🏃 etched on it absolutely tearing ass.
       
    4. Fairy Wallet. A small leather pouch, marked with a greenish diamond. Can hold up to 999 coins, but nothing else. 1/3rd of a slot.
       
    5. Carafe of Karmic Water. A fine brass vessel filled with gently-glowing fluid. Can be emptied, once, to greatly change the layout of a structure or location — expect fine bridges, precipate stairways, and great and terrible machines. 1 slot.
       
    6. Cicatrix wheel. Fragile sticks bound together in a circle design and coated in tar. Sacrifice upon taking any one wound to take no damage, but gain a horrible ugly circle scar in proportion with the damage negated