5 GLOG Wizard Classes, M:tG Style

    I been playing Magic: the Gathering. Here's how to play Magic: the Gathering in GLOG.

Source: in image, art by Jason Kang

    Let me hit you with the basic concept: you're a GLOG wizard, but you don't (necessarily) get MD as you level up. Mana isn't something that humans make for free. If you want magic you need to hardscrab for it, need to tear it out of the still-beating hearts of dragons and so forth.

    The spellcasting mechanics are basically the same as in general GLOG. You have a Mana Pool, and that pool contains Mana Dice, and you roll Mana Dice to achieve effects from the [sum] and [dice], and you want to avoid doubles and triples, and so forth, and so on. You've read a GLOG content before, I don't need to explain the concept. The difference is this: normal GLOG wizards reset their pool at dawn, i.e. dice that have been expended are replaced. These wizards reset their pool at dawn, i.e. any unspent Mana Dice dissipate into the Etheric Planes.

    Wizards in this paradigm have less-convenient ways to add MD to their pool. The first source is consumable items (snorting ground-up wizard brain, smoking lotus flowers, grating priceless gems over pancakes), and I'll write up some of those at the end of this post for giggles.

    The second way is by nicking the natural mana of the land around you. You may tap into your current hex' power to add an MD of the appropriate color. At dawn, when the nigh-limitless octarine energies of the sun bathe the world once more, the land is ready to be tapped again... I guess you could call that untapping, if you wanted to. It has a certain ring to it.

    Some hexes are sources of better MD than others, and their features can influence the base 3-in-6 chance of MD expending or returning to your pool. You can share your domain with other characters, but if other wizards are tapping its power you'll have access to less, and if they're non-wizards they probably want things like "towns" and "roads" and "market days" and other things that will disrupt your magic with prosaic contagion.

    Also, MD have color now. I guess I'll write up some classic GLOG spells' color identity at the end of the post too.

Source: in image

Plain
if it's mostly well-tended farmland, +1
mostly well-stewarded pasture, +1
protected by sturdy walls, +1
home to a divine being, +1

home to visible unmanaged population (outsiders, poors, savages), -1
scattered with decaying structures, -1
a battlefield with unburied dead, -1

Source: in image

Island
if it's adjacent to another Island, +1
marked on no outsider's charts, +1
frequently underwater, +1
the residence of a legendary sea-beast, +1
moving, +2

within sight of mainland, -1
well-mapped by outsiders, -1
also some other Land, -1

Source: in image

Swamp
if it's surrounded by Swamp, +1
full of votive offerings, with mummies slumbering in its depths, +1
the last resting place of the crown/bones/sword of someone famous, +1
particularly acidic, noxious or destructive, +1
a place of hiding and refuge, +1

safely passable, -1
watched over by a non-monstrous fortress or castle, -1
blessed by a still-living cleric in an elaborate ceremony, -1

Source: in image

Mountain
if it's alone, with no adjacent Mountain, +1
sno-capped, +1
unsummited by Man, +1
home of a dragon, +1
volcanic, +2

well-traveled by caravans, -1
settled by Man, -1
full of locals that don't like you (dwarves, goblins, kobolds), -1

Source: in image

Forest
if it's surrounded by Forest, +1
old growth, +1
watched over by a giant ancient tree in the middle, +1
guarded by powerful spirits, +1
home of rare trees, +1

regularly managed (park, orchard, lumber &c), -1
rotten or diseased, -1 (and counts as a 0-in-6 Swamp)
guarded by no spirits at all, -1

Wizard of the Meadow, Coast, Fen, Foothill or Glade

Skills: 1. Academia 2. Occultism 3. Foreign, as the Swedish Chef is foreign
Starting Equipment: wizardly robes (as unarmored but people know you're for real), runéd staff (medium), spellbook (gnarly and probably eyeball-studded) in case, empty scroll case, 3 lotus petals.

• A School of Magic
• B Book Casting
• C Signature Spell
• D Spell Breeding

School of Magic
    You are a Wizard, with all that that entails. You have 1 spell slot in your brain per level, you start with two random spells, you can move spells between your head and your book with an hour's study, you have mishaps and Dooms as an Orthodox Wizard... Honestly, I feel silly even writing that much out. You're a wizard. Go out and wiz.

Book Casting
    You may cast a spell directly out of your spellbook without preparing it first, or off of a scroll without destroying it (and without getting the extra MD a scroll would usually grant). If you do this in combat the spell goes off at the end of the round and it's possible to interrupt you with an attack.

Signature Spell
    Choose one of your spells. You can no longer roll a mishap when casting that spell.

Spell Breeding
    You can breed spells like expensive and fragile ferrets in a farm for expensive and fragile ferrets. That's not a good metaphor. Assuming you've spent the 100gp on the equipment (which you should set up in your wizard-tower lab) and 25gp on the reagents (which are consumed), you may turn two spells into one spell. Discuss with your DM. This might result in a spell that already exists (like, I dunno, Mage Armor + Levitate = Floating Disc), or in some totally novel creation. You've got a wizard-tower lab, right? It's the 4th level. You ought to have a wizard-tower lab by now.

Druid

Skills: 1. Farming 2. Soldiering 3. Banking
Starting Equipment: wooden scale armor (as chain), copper sickle (medium), 3 bundles of holly (⅓rd slot each), flint and tinder.

• A Druidcraft, +1 green MD
• B Tappable, +1 green MD
• C Signature Shape, +1 green MD
• D Domain Expansion, +1 green MD

Druidcraft
    Druids are casters of field and fen, and though more restricted than a Wizard they have a natural font of power to make up for it. You have no spell slots. You have six loyal spells who follow at your heels, changing form with the landscape. They do not return normally after being cast, but must instead be propitiated by burning a bundle of holly. You may not carry ferrous objects and may not read from spellbooks or scrolls (though you may cast from wands and artifacts), and if you ever do so you are ritually unclean, and lose your spells and natural MD until you walk naked around the perimeter of a 6/6 Forest.

1. Wildshape
   R: n/a T: self D: [sum] minutes
   You turn into a creature with [dice] HD and [sum] HP, or a flying creature with 1 HD and [dice] HP, of a type appropriate to your locale. On a Plain this is a Cat (30' horizontal) or an Eagle (powerful eyesight), on an Island this is a serpent (swimming, crawling) or an Owl (nightvision), in a Swamp this is a Great Toad (poison bite) or a Bat (suck blood to heal), on a Mountain this is a Goat (powerful shove) or a Pterosaur (fireproof), and in a Forest this is a Wolf (skilled hunter) or Dragonfly (inconspicuous). You may not cast in this form. If your Wildshape's HP is depleted, you return to your normal self and take all overflow damage.
   
2. Encourage Growth
   R: sight T: an area [dice]*30' in radius D: instant
   Vegetable life in the target area undergoes rapid growth, causing [best] damage to unprotected creatures of your choice and snaring them in place until they can cut or tear themselves free.
   
3. Summon Monster
   R: 10' T: a spot a monster can appear in D: indefinite
   Summon a loyal, intelligent creature appropriate to your locale, with [dice] HD and [sum] HP. On a Plain this is a Lion (30' horizontal), on an Island this is a Sphinx (1 blue MD and Counterspell), in a Swamp this is a monstrous Crocodile (heals from eating), on a Mountain this is a Giant (heavy armor, massive weapon), and in a Forest this is a Bear (mighty). They remember you between casting, and will object to repeated use in weapon-testing or other boring and unpleasant tasks. They disappear at-will or upon reaching 0 hitpoints and your MD remain invested until this happens.
   
4. Disrupt Artifice
   R: touch T: an ongoing spell or a magic item D: see description
   If the target is an ongoing spell (an enchantment or curse &c), subtract [dice] and [sum] from it. If the target is a magic item, it becomes unusable for [sum] minutes, hours, days or years depending on how many [dice] were spent.
   
5. Compel Duel
   R: sight T: creatures D: [dice] rounds
   Select up to [sum] HP's worth of valid targets. They become murderously (but not suicidally) hostile to each other for the duration. 
   
6. Bring Disaster
   R: n/a T: current hex D: see description
   A natural disaster strikes within the hour. On a Plain this is a tornado, on an Island this is a tidal wave, in a Swamp this is a monsoon, on a Mountain this is an earthquake, and in a Forest this is a wildfire. At 1 [die], it is limited enough in scale that creatures may flee and only fragile buildings are threatened. At 2 [dice] it is serious enough to ruin a sturdy building or harm unwary creatures. At 3 it may ravage a small town and threatens all unprotected creatures in the affected area. At 4 [dice], the disaster overwhelms the entire hex, and can wipe populations from the map.
   

Tappable
    If you are willing, another caster can tap you for one of your MD.

Signature Shape
    Choose one of your Wildshape forms. You can always change into that shape, even when in other regions. You may choose another form with a day-long ritual at a 6/6 Forest.

Domain Expansion
    Choose a Land type. You have a demiplane of sorts which takes the form of a small area of the chosen Land type. While inside this demiplane you may tap the hex as if it were of the same Land type. Once per dawn, with a wave of your hands, you may lay your demiplane around you, shifting space and terrain and buildings and dungeons to fit. They return to normal when the demiplane moves again.

Warlock

Skills: 1. Dungeon maintenance and janitorial duties 2. Alchemy 3. Law enforcement
Starting Equipment: dark clothing (as unarmored, +1 to sneaking attempts), poniard (light), empty scroll, mark of loyalty to your Patron, 3 lotus petals.

• A Patron, Boon
• B Pact
• C Debt
• D Ultimate Aspect

Patron
    Some Warlocks have fallen from the ranks of other casters, but most are novices more eager for power than for the subtle pleasures of spellbook-scribbling and magical research. They are to Clerics as rideshare drivers are to unionized cabbies.
    As a Warlock you may use all magical accoutrements (spellbooks, scrolls, wands &c) that a Wizard can, but your brain has room for only 1 spell slot. Choose from: a powerful Fairy Prince, a mid-ranking Hellish bureaucrat, or a loose-cannon Angel. They want to use you for their own ends. Choose one spell from your entire list and roll 1d8 for another one, at this level and all subsequent levels.

Boon
    Your patron gives you a small gift of your choice. Devil and Fairy are both on there already, but it's up to you whether your Angel serves the Sun, Moon, Rain, Ocean or Winter; they'll bring you the appropriate gifts. You might be able to swap these out at a shrine to your patron, if you've been nice to them.

Pact
    Your patron bestows a significant gift upon you. Choose from the Blade, the Chain or the Book, and gain the indicated gift.
    Warlocks of the Blade have a bound weapon. You may designate a weapon, magical or otherwise, as their Pact Weapon. You may summon your Pact Weapon to your hand with a thought. If you wish to designate a new weapon as your Pact Weapon you may do so at a shrine to your patron. Regardless of what the weapon actually is, you are proficient in its use and its damage counts as magical against undead and werewolfs and so forth.
    Warlocks of the Chain have a familiar. Your familiar is a tiny pixie, imp or putti, is under your control in combat, can communicate with you telepathically, and can cast your spells as if they were you. If they die they return to your side the next time you sleep.
    Warlocks of the Book have a powerful spellbook. It comes three Wizard spells of your choice, and when you choose the book you gain an additional spell slot. At-will, you may cause this book to disintegrate into ash. You'll find its identical copy at a shrine to your patron.

Debt
    You may tap your patron for a Mana Die of any color. They expect repayment at their shrines in an appropriate form (10gp of expensive trinkets, 1HD of blood sacrifice, or a sleepless night of flagellation and prayer, to wit). Once you're in the hole for [level] MD or more, they won't loan you anything else until you repay in full. On certain occasions they might run you some more credit in exchange for small favors, ones liable to cause chaos in the civilized world, lead to the slow downfall of Moral Society, or undo the work of some other Warlock. Up to the DM.

Ultimate Aspect
    Long association with your patron has permanently marked you. Fey Warlocks may snuff fires with a glance and rapidly decay iron with a touch, and their eyes shift color, pattern and material when they aren't concentrating on just the one. Diabolical Warlocks may draw up binding contracts, and are followed by a mild whiff of coal smoke and cigars. Celestial Warlocks may cast sunlight from their face at-will, and become notably more attractive and trustworthy-lookin'.

Warlock Mishaps:

1. All MD cast in the spell are expended.
2. Malicious spirits nip at your soul. Take 1d6 damage.
3. 1d6 rounds of madness.
4. Your patron is in a Bad Mood. Gain a permanent mutation.
5. Your patron is in a Good Mood. They have a new plot, and to complete it they just need a small favor, almost nothing at all really, from you, just a moment of your time...
6. Your patron isn't paying attention to you at all. The spell is delayed by 1d4-2 rounds. Yes, this means it might go off before it was cast. That's the DM's problem, not mine.
   

Warlock Dooms:

1. The Warlock has called upon his patron's power at an inopportune time. A claw, paw or tentacle of whatever entity the patron was fighting has breached reality near the Warlock. Treat this as a 6HD monster which strikes once a round for 3d6 damage. Ignored or fled, the entity (12HD, strikes twice a round for 3d8 damage) breaches completely on a 2-in-6 chance, with serious consequences for the surrounding environment.
2. The Warlock's mistake is compounded. As above, but the entity breaches reality immediately.
   
3. The Warlock has fucked it good and proper for the last time. Everything and everyone within 30' are dragged bodily into patron's realm to fight an incursion of cosmic horrors. If they survive, the Warlock no longer rolls Dooms.

Fey Spells:

1. Charm
2. Sleep
3. Disguise
4. Invisibility
5. Levitate
6. Mage Armor
7. Scry
8. Illusion

Diabolical Spells:

1. Knock
2. Prismatic Ray
3. Disguise
4. Invisibility
5. Levitate
6. Mage Armor
7. Scry
8. Illusion

Celestial Spells:

1. Doom Song
2. Hypnotic Orb
3. Disguise
4. Invisibility
5. Levitate
6. Mage Armor
7. Scry
8. Illusion

Cleric

Skills: 1. Book-Keeping 2. Public Speaking 3. Archaeology
Starting Equipment: clerical robes (as unarmored, +1 to reactions from common folk), holy symbol, empty spellbook (black leather and gilt edges), heavy club (medium), 3 lotus petals.

• A Divine Grace
• B Book Casting
• C Always Welcome
• D Monsignor

Divine Grace
    The casters that common folk Clerics wander the world serving the great powers; the Sun, the Moon, the Rain, the Ocean, the Winter. These Clerics often have funny ideas about right and wrong, about who should lead and who should follow, about whether or not the gains of adventure are subject to tithe; nevertheless, they are a bulwark against the darkness.
    As a Cleric, you get 1 spell slot per template. You are permitted to fiddle with wands and scrolls and other accoutrements of wizardry, but your real strength lies in your Angels. An Angel is like a spell, except she's all aglow and sparkly and such, and she's far too proud (not to mention too large) to be stuffed into a book. Every dawn, choose as many Angels as you have templates in this class to accompany you that day; you may not double up, you've only got the one of each. After being cast, Angels return to Heaven to tell the great powers what you've been up to.

Book Casting
    As a Wizard.

Always Welcome
    Tales of your good deeds, hopefully true ones, have spread far and wide. You have a +[level] bonus to reaction rolls with the common folk, and your presence applies a -[level] penalty to morale checks from assorted bastards.

Monsignor
    You've become so well known that 2d6 0th-level disciples follow you from town to town. They're loyal, and brave enough to follow you into a dungeon, but not particularly competent. If you want to start something greater, you'll have to begin work on a domain.

Cleric Mishaps:

1. All MD cast in the spell are expended.
   
2. The strain proves too much. Take 1d6 damage.
3. You saw what Angels really look like. Roll a random mutation. After 1 minute, save or it's permanent.
   
4. All Angels leave in a hurry, they need to be somewhere, sorry.
5. You fear the sky for 1d6 rounds.
6. No spellcasting for 1d6 rounds.

Cleric Dooms:

1. One of the great powers has begun to hate you. Choose. When in the presence of that great power, random chance turns against you. 
2. Another of the great powers has begun to hate you. The DM rolls. When in the presence of that great power, random chance turns against you. When in the presence of two, freak accidents repeatedly occur, with your destruction as their obvious goal.
3. A third of the great powers has begun to hate you. The DM rolls, but it doesn't really matter; three out of five is a simple majority. If you are ever in the presence of all three at once (including when you roll this Doom), your heart and everything within 10' of it is scooped out of existence.
   

Angels:

1. Kindness
   Kindness wears a baseball cap and sunglasses so it's impossible to say what she looks like. Yours must be broken or something, because she never actually leaves to go back to Heaven. She'll try her hand at almost anything for some MD — though she's terribly incompetent and, to be honest, prone to criminalisms. If it matters, she can lift an object of [sum] pounds without dropping it and bursting into tears.
   
2. Heal
   R: touch T: an injured person D: instant
   Heal is a mature woman in a white smock, with a gentle glow around her face (featureless but for a toothy maw). She quickly sews shut lacerations, sets bones, removes a fatal wound, and heals for [sum] hitpoints.
   
3. Turn Undead
   R: [dice]*30' T: undead within range D: [dice] minutes
   Turn is a petulcous woman in heavy working clothes, with a ram's horns and a ram's eyes. Targets are harried, shoved, prodded, butted, grappled and frogmarched out of arm's reach of range.
   
4. Kindle
   R: touch T: a creature or object within reach D: instant
   Kindle is a frightening woman in evening wear, with an enthusiastic snarl and thick smoked lenses. She sets the target alight for a moment, igniting flammable substances and dealing [sum] damage. If used on an unwilling creature, the spell is an unarmed attack that ignores armor.
   
5. Rebuke
   R: sight T: all creatures in range D: [dice] minutes
   Rebuke is an unforgiving woman, wearing a blindfold and wielding brass scales like a horrible double-headed ball and chain. She immediately ends any ongoing fight, and for the duration any who attempt something hostile (say, by attacking or by casting a damaging spell) take [best] damage without a save.
   

Sorcerer

Skills: 1. Imperialism 2. Increasingly alarming personal history 3. Just the normal kind of history
Starting Equipment: outlandish outfit (as unarmored, +1 to reactions from openminded folk), impractical weapon (your choice), cover off of a spellbook (begemmed), 3 lotus petals.

• A Heritage, +1 Meta Die
• B Metamagic, +1 MD
• C Exploding, +1 MD
• D Changeable, +1 MD

Heritage
    Certain people are born better than others, and by "certain people" we of course mean Sorcerers, and by "others" we of course mean Wizards. You're a chad. You're hot shit. You've got the blood of G_d in your veins, or maybe dragon-fire, or maybe you're just that good.
    As a Sorcerer, you get 1 spell slot per template. You can (that is, must) cast from a spellbook like the page is a scroll (i.e. burning it up, getting an extra Mana Die of the appropriate color, and losing the spell). It takes you 8 hours to move spells between your head and a spellbook, and you can never craft scrolls or breed spells, because sorcerers aren't fucking nerds, alright? Alright? Fuck you. You also have Meta Dice which can be added to spells to boost their [sum] and [dice], but don't have a color, so can't be used to cast a (normal) spell on their own.
    When you roll doubles, you experience a Wild Magic Surge, instead of a mishap or such, and the DM rolls secretly on the table. When you roll triples, that counts as three unique doubles. Quadruples would be six unique doubles, I think, but who's counting?

Metamagic
    For each Meta Die involved in casting the spell, you may add a meta-effect of your choice that changes its nature. You may only add a meta-effect once. Mostly nicked from here.

Exploding
    Your MD explode on a 6 or higher.

Changeable
    The DM will now tell you what Wild Magic Surges were rolled. If you like, you can roll another one. If you do so, you may remove one.

Meta-Effects:

1. Widen: Area-of-effect spell doubles its radius.
2. Silent: Casting is silent.
3. Quicken: You may take another action this turn.
4. Extend: Duration of the spell is multiplied by a factor of [dice]+1.
5. Specificate: Range becomes [dice] miles. If the target is not within line of sight, you must know the precise location relative to your own or, if the target is a creature, you must be holding a part of that creature.
6. Twin: Single-target spell hits another target.
7. Surge: Roll a Wild Magic Surge.
8. Maximize: After determining how many surges were rolled and how many [dice] exploded, all MD came up 6. Expend them and calculate [sum] accordingly.

Wild Surge

1. For the rest of the day, when you speak you breathe fire for 10' and 1d6 damage.
2. Swarm of rodents appears and carries you 30' in a random direction.
3. Every creature within 30' of you levitates six inches off the ground. They may paddle around but cannot walk.
4. A 1HD Fire Elemental appears. He is friendly to you, but not loyal.
5. Lightning strikes one person within 1 mile at random.
6. All plants within 1 mile become animate and hostile.
7. You are cursed to be bright blue.
8. A strong pleasant smell wafts out of you and follows you for the next day.
9. A rain cloud forms above your head and rains in a 10' radius for the next hour.
10. You grow a prehensile lizard tail, which you can sunder as a shield to deflect 1d6 damage from an attack.
11. You grow 1d6 inches taller or shorter.
12. Your intense magical radiation accidentally aligned with that of a devil from the Fourth Hell, causing an apprentice magician to summon you into a binding circle. They assume you are the imp under a cunning disguise.
13. Two identical copies of you appear and attempt to convince everyone they're the real you. They disappear after taking 6 damage.
14. Spell ricochets to random target.
15. [sum] is increased by 7.
16. The money in your pocket cycles, copper -> silver, silver -> gold, gold -> copper.
17. Smoking gnats (gnats with cigarettes, not burning gnats) pour out of your ears for 1 minute, making it difficult to hide or concentrate.
    
18. You are surrounded by a spectral shield for 1 minute, +2 AC, all spells you cast or are cast on you have a 2-in-6 chance of being reflected.
19. A small explosion covers your face in soot and singes your eyebrows. If you cough loudly and say "Well, that just happened!" the DM applauds and grants you 25XP.
    
20. A confused, hungry 4HD bear appears within 60'.
21. Punch through the skybox and into the Akashic Record. Save vs. a random madness, and ask one yes-or-no question on any subject for a truthful answer. You fall back to the earth for 1d6 damage.
    
22. The nearest wand, or wand-like stick, turns into an angry rattlesnake for 1 minute.
23. All artifacts within 60' activate and discharge to the best of the DM's ability.
24. A bird flies out of your sleeve. If you aren't wearing clothes with sleeves, a bird appears and brings you a pair of sleeves.
25. All fires within 60' are snuffed
26. Brilliant light emits from you, blinding you and creatures who can see you for 1 minute
27. All weapons within 60' become intelligent and can speak the language of their wielder. Roll for alignment.
28. All casters within 60' lose the ability to cast spells for an hour.
29. You glow in the presence of a random race for the next year.
30. Your hair immediately grows to floor length.
31. All body hair falls out.
32. People are under the impression they can freely insult you for 1 day.
33. A random spell from your spell list is dual-cast at the same target.
    
34. The nearest dragon is loudly alerted of your presence and exact location.
35. All corpses within 1 mile are reanimated as unhelpful skeletons.
36. The nearest corpse is resurrected, permanently.
37. A 60' radius around you becomes hallowed ground that evil creatures cannot enter
38. A 60' radius around you becomes unhallowed ground that good creatures cannot enter
39. Punch through reality to enter the Ethereal Plane for [sum] minutes, returning to a safe spot.
    
40. A random creature within 60' is transported to Hell for [sum] minutes. They reappear in a safe spot, but noticeably changed by the experience.
    
41. Closest NPC's alignment and opinion of you is inverted.
    
42. Your next attack is a guaranteed critical hit.
    
43. You turn into a talking dog for 1 hour. Your abilities are otherwise unaffected.
    
44. You gain a random mutation, permanently.
45. All creatures within 60' gain the same random mutation for 1 minute. 
46. Your emotions can be smelled by nearby creatures for 1 day.
47. Your hands pop right off. They scuttle around with the stats of a Crab, and you'll have to coax them back yourself. 
48. You are covered in an airtight layer of 5gp of gold leaf. Takes about six seconds to tear your face free.
49. Your head becomes a prime nesting spot for a kind of interdimensional hair-eating hummingbird. If you refuse to do your duty (nest hat) you are helping to destroy an endangered species 😔
50. You become imbued with quintessence, and thus can only move in circles and ellipses and such. The next spell you cast discharges the aether, causing its path to curve towards a random target and ending this effect.
    
51. Geometric outlines raise beneath your skin and twist and grind against each other like a puzzle desperately trying to solve itself. Hope it doesn't, 1-in-100 chance it does.
52. Your footsteps are loud enough to crack glass for 1 hour. 
53. The spell fails utterly, though dice are expended as normal, and a cloud overhead spells out the word  N O .
54. The memory of a forgotten passion returns with full force. Next time you're in town, you must obtain at least 50gp worth of candy and collectible cards. 
55. You vomit up your own weight in raw hamburger.
56. You startle as if waking from deep sleep, now holding bolt cutters, a crowbar, and a small opal from... somewhere.
57. One of your skills turns into a little skillmunculus and runs off, gleefully performing its thing (cobblemunculus cobbles, historymunculus postulates, &c). Anyone who eats it gains the skill.
58. You are now on a horse. The horse is running very fast. The horse does not like you, and does not want you on it.
59. Them Changes, by Thundercat, plays at 180 decibels from the nearest tree. 
60. You forget all languages for 1 hour.
61. You have to walk backwards. This makes running difficult.
    
62. The spell gains 1 [dice] for every wedding you, the player, have attended.
63. 216 Modrons appear and begin constructing a machine out of nearby parts, such as treasure and traps and doors and magic swords.
64. All food on your person rots to nothing.
65. Somewhere, somewhen, the King of Beetles takes a step to the left. This is unlikely to affect your life in any way. 
66. You are cursed with face-blindness. You're essentially a Hitman NPC until someone removes the curse.
    
67. You become somewhat unsure any of this, you or your world, is real.
68. 4d10 heavily-armed 1HD warriors, four 2HD sergeants and one 4HD captain arrive at your location. Roll reaction to see what they think of you.
69. You turn into a silhouette for 1 day. This makes you invisible in darkness
70. All casters within 60' reset their MD pools. 
71. The next attack against you is a guaranteed critical hit. 
72. Your templates change to a random GLOG class for 1 day. 
73. For the next 24 hours, you taste sounds and hear colors. Being angry makes you cold and being happy makes you purple.
74. All creatures within 60' sprout antlers. They shed them in late November.
75. You become imbued with earth, and thus are drawn almost irresistibly down. Until you fall at least 20' you cannot float in water and must save to not investigate a cool (DM's discretion) cave.
76. A 6HD sphinx appears and asks you a cunning riddle. She'll reward you with a minor magic item if you pass, and attempt to eat you if you fail.  
77. A 6HD sphonx appears and asks you a bullshit riddle. He'll get bored after about thirty seconds, whether you answer or not, and attempt to eat you. 
78. Your two (1. legs 2. arms 3. eyes 4. ears 5. kidneys 6. brain hemispheres) unionize. If one of them stops working, they both will. If they perceive that you're overusing them, 1-in-6 chance they agree to go on strike (they don't cooperate as a team very well). 
79. The next time it rains in this hex, it will rain toxic frogs. 
80. All flammable clothing within 60' catches fire.
    

 
    Here are some mana items:

1. Lotus Petal. Smoked in a pipe to grant you 1 MD of any color. 1gp each.
2. Sol Ring. May be tapped to add 2 colorless MD to your pool. 200gp.
3. Spellish Dynamo. Horrible mechanical gizmo, something like a hamster wheel, that tuckers out one of your spells for the day and adds 1 colorless MD to your pool. 50gp, 1 slot.
4. It's 6:20 I don't give a shit. Google the phrase "mana rock".

    Here are some selected Wizard Spells and their color identities.

1. Charm - white
2. Color Spray - white
3. Disguise - blue
4. Doom Song - black
5. Explode Corpse - black
6. Fade - blue
7. Fear - black
8. Feather Fall - white
9. Fireball - red
10. Floating Disk - blue
11. Grease - red
12. Hypnotic Orb - white
13. Illusion - blue
14. Invisibility - blue
15. Knock - red
16. Levitate - blue
17. Light - white
18. Lock - blue
19. Mage Armor - green
20. Magic Missile - red
21. Mirror Image - blue
22. Mirror Object - colorless
23. Mirror Self - blue
24. Prismatic Ray - red
25. Raise Zombie - black
26. Rot - black
27. Scry - blue
28. Sleep - blue
29. Wall of Light - white
30. Web - green
31. Wizard Vision - blue

    Incidentally, this is how interpreted my prompt of "diegetic Magic"

Put Your Body Upon the Gears (GLOG Class: Wizard)

Entropy is the system's tendency towards chaos.
In mechanical systems entropy converts useful work into useless heat and noise.
In informational systems entropy converts useful data into useless corruption and compression.
In political systems entropy converts useful legitimacy into useless human suffering.

    Practitioners of the First Art, that called Manufacturing, might have learned at a private military school, or at a for-profit orphanage, or as part of some state-sponsored program — but however they got it they got it from the vast and anfractuous NGO their sort will breezily call "the Academy", with palliness not entirely appropriate.

Source: the inimitable Mr. Locheil N's. Eye.

Class: Manufactory

    You are a Manufactory, a wizard of fire and metal and industry. You manipulate the element of Hot Metal, exploit the principle of introduction-of-material, and make things. Manufactories are very practical wizards.
    As a Manufactory you can wear all types of armor, but may not use shields unless another class gives you that skill. If you have at least one template in this class you never fumble while using hammers, clubs or knives.

Skills: 1. Metallurgy, 2. Military History, 3. Court etiquette.
Starting Equipment: Heavy leathers (as leather, weight like chain, half damage from fire), a small, skittish pony (HD 1, Morale 5) and two-wheeled cart (10 inventory slots), three pounds of high-grade coke.

• A Academy Primed, Basic Education, +1 HP
• B Advanced Curriculum, +1 AC
• C Expanded Interest, +1 HP
• D Seignurage, +2 save

Academy Primed
    You still owe the Academy money for your fine education: to the tune of 50% of your adventuring earnings until the DM says otherwise. If you fail to pay, you cannot run far enough in this world to escape the collection team. Standard postal service will be perfectly adequate.
    It isn't all bad news though! Your education gives you a class resource called substance, with maximum equal to your HP. When you would heal a point of HP, you may choose to regain a point of substance (up to your maximum, obviously) instead. You can also regain 1 point of substance by eating 5 inventory slots of green wood (an hour or two of a cheery fire), or 4 of real firewood, or 1 slot of coal, or ⅓rd slot of specialized chemical fuel. It takes you ~a round to eat ~a slot of fuel. Bug your DM about it.
    This substance fuels your other abilities. Gain one such ability now by rolling 1d6 on the list of Basic Techniques.
Basic Education
    With a wave of your hand (which is really a careful measuring and designation of the target area), you can produce objects from thin air. These objects appear within your reach, are made from basic materials, cost 1 substance per 1 inventory slot, and appear at a rate of 10 slots a minute. They're of one piece, one material and solid. If it comes up their details are as fine and dimensions consistent as if cast in wet sand on a beach (i.e. not very).
    The basic materials, which all Manufactories are trained to work with, are potmetal (an undifferentiated non-ferrous metal alloy with a low melting point), clay of a sort appropriate for firing or making molds, and 3/4-inch Type M copper tubing.
    Making useful things out of this crap is up to you, but off the top of my head I can suggest: sling bullets, shot, low-quality ring chain, impressions of a complicated object, a copy of a key you're holding (or you've got a good impression of), work-hardened copper spearhead, fragile shovel head, fragile saw blade. Use your imagination you feckless zoomer bastard. Get your nose out of your I-phone.

Advanced Curriculum
    The Academy recognizes five types of knowledge, and arguably the greatest (they're all "arguably the greatest") is the hearty and reliable phronesis one gains from blowing stuff up tae fuck. You've made great progress in phronesis. Roll 1d8 and gain that advanced technique. You have also learned the use of advanced materials; these include brick and other ceramics, glass, igneous and sedimentary rock, concrete, wireframe, cast iron, gunmetal (the kind that's useless for guns and essential for steam fittings), lead and other elemental metals and metalloids (but not lanthanides or actinides) (and not silver or gold), stone wool, asbestos, and brasses and bronzes in many varieties and grades. These are created under the same restrictions as basic materials, but cost 2 substance per inventory slot of objects, and if it comes up their details/dimensions are as fine as proper lost-wax casting and real machining.

Expanded Interest
    Your loans are paid off, and your professors suddenly remember who you are. Meanwhile, you've learned a lot out in the field. Pick two advanced techniques and two basic techniques.

Seignurage
    You've learned about as much as you can easily learn from blowing stuff up tae fuck. You've gained the use of the master materials; military-grade steel, powdered or liquid basic or advanced material, and composite metal foam. Master materials cost 3 substance per inventory slot.
    You also learn Make GP and one other Master Technique off the list. Choose wisely, because it'll be real hard (probably a long quest involved, probably a dragon) to get another, and the one you pick will define you as you move on to the next stage of the Manufactory lifecycle: trying to make a living while the ol' Ardens Mater sends you letters politely asking for money.

   

Basic Techniques

1. Eat Fuel. 1 substance is a day of food and water for you.
2. Puff Fire. You can ignite flammable material between your hands. For 1 substance, you can project flame in a 10' cone, dealing 1 damage and igniting flammable material.
   
3. Identify Ash. With a taste, you can determine the age of ash down to the minute within 24 hours and down to the day after that. 
4. Speak with Metal. Metal can't really perceive the world around it, but it can tell you how old it is, who crafted it, and might be able to offer some advice. It isn't always obvious if you're talking to the metal or yourself.
   
5. Puff Poisonous Smoke. "Poisonous" is a strong word, but prolonged exposure will probably lower life expectancy. For 1 substance you can produce a puff of invisible, noxious vapor from your hand. If this gets in someone's face they must make a save against a minute of weeping blindness and speechless coughing and wheezing.
   
6. Wrap Band. You can produce a band or belt of material up to [substance]*5' in circumference, starting from your hand. It cinches tight, so it can be used as manacles or emergency-barrel-repair.
   
7. Drill Hole. Spend 1 substance to drill an eight-inch deep, one-inch wide hole in stone or wood. Takes about six seconds to do this in wood, or one minute in stone. If you can produce tempered steel you can drill holes in metal in ten minutes.
   

Advanced Techniques

1. Produce Twice. You can produce an object with each hand simultaneously for their normal cost at normal speed, or a single object in double-time.
   
2. Summon Machine Spirit. You can summon a ghastly assistant to help you with your work. They have a vague human form and a clear human voice, 8 AC, [substance] HP and enough effect on the world to carry [substance] inventory slots of items. By default you may only have one machine spirit (always the same one) summoned at a time, though you can perhaps apply to the Academy for more. Spirits don't have the motive force to swing an axe, but they can light the fuse on a cannon. Machine spirits dissipate instantly when they reach 0 HP or after [substance] days and they fear this more than you fear death. Wherever they go to between summoning must be unpleasant. In any case, they are eager to assist.
   
3. Powder Actuate. For 2 substance, produce a three-inch iron spike and launch it with enough force to pierce and bind in concrete or thin sheets of metal. If used in combat, this is an intelligence-based attack for 1d10 damage at 30'.
   
4. Fuel Food. For 2 substance, produce one ration of vegan paleo "apple sauce" and one gallon of potable water.
   
5. Cut by Hand. You can produce an eye-searing beam of extreme heat from your hands for 3 substance per round. Hot enough to liquefy, amputate or scorch. If used in combat, this is an intelligence-based attack for 2d6 damage at 5'.
   
6. Sunder Metal. You can shatter, rust, twist and generally destroy [substance] cubic inches of non-noble metal with a touch. If used on someone's gear, or on a person made out of metal, they get a save to avoid this.
   
7. Bombard. Over the course of [substance] rounds, a large potmetal sphere grows in the air over your head. It then throws itself up to [substance]*30' and explodes for [substance] damage within 30', save for half. If you take damage while producing the sphere, it disintegrates and the substance is lost.
   
8. Spray Garbage. For 3 substance, raise your hand and blast a 20' line of shrapnel and burning propellant. Targets in that line save or take 3d6 fire damage.
   

Master Techniques

• Make GP: For 6 substance, make 1gp.
  
• Fall Out. For [substance], render a [substance]*30' radius around you uninhabitable. The air is poisoned, dealing [substance] damage with every breath. Structures become treacherous and liable to collapse. Roads tear themselves to pieces. The effect lasts for decades. You are not immune.
  
• Work Earth. For [substance], raise or lower a 10' square of earth by [substance] feet. The effect is rapid geologically speaking, but still pretty slow; creatures in the target area may save to maintain their balance.
  
• Simplify Maths. All materials you know are basic materials for you.
  
• Repair and Replace. You can heal HP in yourself and others with a touch, as if hitpoints were inventory slots of stuff. For 20 substance (you might need a fuel-line hookup for this), you can replace someone's missing limb with a clockpunk version. This limb is better in every way, because it's fireproof and durable and grants +1 AC and +1 strength to the bearer, with the sliiight inconvenience of requiring 1 point of substance per day to fuel it. The lucky recipient doesn't need to worry about that, though, as long as you're feeling generous, and they stick close.
  

Ruling the City of G_d (GLOG Class: Noble)

One thousand years is a long time,
but at last it comes to an end.
Meanwhile, is it any greater accomplishment
to be a rich corpse than a poor one?
Jewels of jade and pearl are put in the mouths
of the illustrious dead
to conserve their bodies.
They do the dead no good, but they'll fetch a fine price
to feed the children of the tomb robbers.
    - the Unnamed Text.

    I'm writing this as a pastiche of Locheil's excellent Sacred One. Someone complimented the class but sighed that it was so setting-specific, and I asserted that I could canonize it into the Unfinished World without much trouble. Here's my attempt to do so.

Source: King Yellow by fermarkun.

Imperial Clan, by presumed rank:

1. Prince of the First Blood (apparent heir)
2. Commanding Prince
3. Virtuous Prince
4. Banner Prince

    All of the above are considered potential inheritors of the Old Throne (that granted by the Old G_ds).

5. Duke of the First Blood (cadet line)
6. Bulwark Duke

    All of the above enjoy the Five Privileges (the list varies, but usually includes access to the Imperial Library, use of Imperial seals for personal correspondence, lantern-bearing priests, the right to hunt in any forest, red carriage wheels, purple horse reins, reported entrance, dragon-patterned clothing, bodyguards from the ranks of the Fork-Tailed Creature Banner).

7. Lesser Duke
8. Lesser Bulwark Duke

    All of the above possess their rank by agnacy (i.e. the Emperor cannot make more nor strip them of their titles).


Irregular titles, by presumed rank:

1. Prince of the First-and-One-Half Blood
2. Prince of Command
3. Inferior Prince
4. Empty-Ranked Prince
5. Duke Beyond Rankings
6. Indivisible Count

    All of the above possess their rank by agnacy.

7.5. Master of the Banner (inherited generalship)
8. Lesser Master
9. Master of a Lesser Banner
10. Lesser Master of One-Fifteenth-of-One-Quarter-of-One-Banner (~300 men)

Nobility not related to the Emperor, by presumed rank:

5. Common Duke
6. Marquis (on the marches)
7. Count (in a county)

    All of the above outrank all civilians, regardless of military rank or achievement.

8. Viscount
9. Baron (has a nice house)

Class: Cadet

    You are a Cadet; a distant relative of supreme power, with some of the advantages and none of the parental love. If you care, roll 3d6 to determine how many families exist between yours and the Imperial Audience Chamber, and 2d4-1 to see how many older siblings you have. You might have had a privileged upbringing, but you've been left alone to bum around, or to pursue lesser careers in commerce, law, religion (so long as you don't shove it down our throats), academia, military service or minor government office.
    As a Cadet you get +1 to saves every [level]. You can wear light or medium armor and wield shields. You can ride a horse too if it comes to it. Cadets never fumble with swords, polearms or guns.

Skills: 1. Hunting 2. History 3. Legal nonsense. You can speak the primal language of the spirits.
Starting Equipment: Hunting costume (as leather), cool halfcape, ringsword with chain threaded through the pommel (medium), shortbow and quiver with 20 arrows OR specially-modified snapchance, two items of your choice from the list of quality gear, one mantra in the primal language.

• A Unbroken Line, Sanctuary, immunity to being ignored
• B Lightning Dream, Calming Voice
• C Durability, +2 chi
• D Right of Passage, +1 chi

Unbroken Line
    You are the most notable member of any group. When you are angry, your eyes darken and your voice rings out over others. Demons and devils treat you with worrying familiarity and uncharacteristic friendliness.
Sanctuary
    Unless and until you initiate a fight, non-sacred creatures must save or be unable to harm you.

Lightning Dream
    When dreaming, drunk, high or otherwise in an altered state, your soul can walk in a place scholars of the secret history call the Lightning Dream. When your civilization invents trains, the Lightning Dream will be compared to an empty train platform built for crowds of giants. The roof far above your head is studded with skylights which let in unsteady blue light, and the walls with windows that look out upon smoky forests, nightmare-landscapes of bone, hills and valleys of rotting flesh, darkness. The many paths and rails and turnings and branches of the Dream fold in on each other; small rooms vanish into the horizon yet swell to terrible halls as you approach; three lefts don't make a right; shadows bay in their far-off hunts. The place is clearly not built to be navigated by foot.
    In the Dream, you may speak in secret with other visitors, and leave messages for each other to find. You can bring people to the Lightning Dream as guests by sleeping next to them, getting drunk from the same wine, high from the same chemic, etc. Those who have the right to be there can banish guests you bring, and you can do the same to the guests of others.
Calming Voice
    You may attempt to calm all listeners with soothing words. Intelligent creatures get a save. Mindless undead, and beasts with fewer HD than you, fail automatically. When a creature fails the save their emotions dull to grey outlines, anger drains, joy becomes hollow, battle-lust fades.
    After using your Calming Voice you can't use it again until you have done at least two of the following: get a full night's rest, drink a dose of wine, repeat your mantra aloud in the primal language for two hours.

Durability
    The meandering paths of the Lightning Dream have led you to a revelation about kung-fu, and punching, and likewise kicking. You have a pool of chi which you can use as a monk of the same level as you (though you get less chi than a real monk does).

Right of Passage
    You may walk through the Gates of Hell. Denizens of Hell, the Judges of the Dead and all demons and devils treat you as an honoured personage. Unintelligent undead are incapable of initiating violence against you.

Quality Gear (choose or roll 2d20):

1. Hunting Costume. Green felt and brown leather. Comes with a pointy bycocket, hood, lots of leather straps and belts, knee-high boots. 0 slots worn, 2 carried.
   
2. Ringsword with Chain. Classic Aeshean sword. Rather like a large rapier or an elongated broadsword, and named for its large ring pommel. Yours has a kusari-fundo threaded through that pommel, in emulation of your ancestors, and you can use the chain to make grapple checks at a range of 10' instead of attacking. 1 slot
   
3. Shortbow and quiver of 20 arrows. Effective range of 20', with -1 to-hit for every complete 10' past that. 1 slot for the shortbow and 1 for the quiver.
   
4. Double-Barreled Snapchance. A classic black powder pistol in a configuration preferred by duelists with tight schedules. Deals 2d6 damage at 10', -1 to-hit for every complete 10' past that, firing with disadvantage if you moved on your turn. Barrels may be fired and reloaded separately (1 minute reload per barrel), or together for disadvantage on both shots . If you roll a nat 1 with a second shot loaded, you fire the second shot as well and take 1d6-1 damage from the gun snapping up into your teeth. 1 slot.
   
5. Scrimshawed Powder Horn. Contains up to ten doses of black powder. Converts hours of lamp-oil into black powder at a rate of one dose per day. The apparently-abstract art deco designs on the powder horn are very alarming to manufactories who can read them. 1 slot.
   
6. Samite Robe. Thick cendree silk ceremonial robe (as unarmored, +1 to reaction rolls), with gold-thread stitches and hidden layers of fine chardun mail (secret +2 to AC, ha!). Very hard to launder. 0 slots worn, 2 carried.
   
7. Musical Instrument. Any you want, so long as it can be played upside down while singing. Probably 1 slot.
   
8. Bottle of Fine Wine. I'm going to be honest, it's a big bottle (as light) but it's only 3 doses of wine for you. 1/3rd slot.
   
9. Bottle of Oxymel. Good for you, puts hair on your chest. One dose heals 1 point of stat damage. 3 doses, 1/3rd slot
   
10. Adamant Signet Ring. A Cadet is absolutely not supposed to have this, and someone is absolutely coming to take it away from you.
    
11. Trio of Sacred Arrows. One with a head of chardun (flies silently), one of ossgold (effective against the undead), one of adamant (always deals maximum damage).
    
12. Contracted Builder. For reasons neither you nor they know, the Old Man in the Ice has directed them to follow you around and do what you say. They aren't gracious about it. 1st level Builder, 6HP, starting equipment + mattock, 9 morale. If you make them carry more than 3 slots of non-treasure, they'll find an excuse to break it or lose it.
    
13. Sashimono. A tall banner worn vertically on a long pole, identifying your army and rank to distant observers. The flag is reversible, showing either the black-and-white banner of the Empire or the black-and-blue banner of the Fork Tailed Creature Banner.
    
14. Advice of Wo Ding to his Son. An antecataclysmic mirror-for-princes in the guise of a book on hunting deer, and other (more interesting) prey. Full of aphorisms as well-known, beloved and constantly-misquoted as "it's better to act and repent than to not act and regret" and "it is better to be feared than to be loved" and such are in our world. Referencing this book (i.e. working with it open in one hand) grants an extra check on hunting-related tasks. 1/3rd slot.
    
15. Big sack of 500 iron pennies. Newly-minted and shiny. Worth 5gp total. 5 slots.
    
16. Newest Imperial printing of the Magolg par artenbrar. A truly immense tome, though still unfinished; huge sections of the text (and, therefore, decades or centuries of history) are lacunae, perhaps lost forever. Referencing this book grants an extra check on identifying historic artifacts and monsters. 1 slot.
    
17. Bucket of Opiates. A ceramic coupe with an opinel lock lid, containing 10 recreational doses of mostly poppy or 5 lethal doses. 1 slot.
    
18. Clerical Mask. Either a black deathshead (in laquered steel), a white infant (in porcelain), a violet elder (in painted wood) or a green dog (an elaborate felt plushie). Completely authentic, presumably stolen.
    
19. Golden Dagger. A light weapon, breaking on a nat 1. 1/3rd slot.
    
20. A strange or inexplicable curio. Roll 1d6:
    
    1. Cunning replica of the Emperor's sword, ONE UNBROKEN LINE. A trained sword-ologist would be able to tell it's a counterfeit, because it has its name written on it, and that name is ONE BROKEN LINE.
       
    2. Salamander Skin with Asbestos Fur. Sometimes believed to be the literal skin of a literal fire-dwelling amphibian, but skeptical scholars assert the name is only a metaphor, and these capes are actually made by a secret race of cannibalistic humanoid underground dwellers. Totally fireproof. 1 slot.
       
    3. Severed Hand of a Lich. Comes in a black velvet bag, to protect it from the sun. Occasionally tries to drum messages into your hand if you hold it.
       
    4. Ossgold Mask. Resembles the faceless mask of the prophet Aeshe (pbuh), but made of ossgold instead of iron, and doesn't need to be fastened to your skull with five nails. One of your relatives tried to start a new Heresy with this, but didn't get far.
       
    5. Bottle of honey from the lips of a Queen of the Herds. Serves as a healing potion. 1/3rd slot.
       
    6. Ring of Finger Detection. Small copper band with a black square stone. When pressed to a doorway of an enclosed room, pulses to indicate the number of fingers (digits that this ring could be worn on) inside. Counts the fingers of both the dead and the living.
       

Mantras (choose or roll 1d6):

1. In the lost age
   where the jewels hide and
   the sword sticks in
   the waiting stone
   still warm from his hand
   
2. Sincerity becomes apparent, and
   what is apparent becomes manifest, and
   what is manifest becomes brilliant, and
   what is brilliant affects others, and
   when sincerity affects others, they are changed by it, therefore
   it is characteristic of the most entire sincerity to foreknow, because
   
3. Though much is taken, much abides, and
   we are not now that strength which in old days moved earth and heaven, yet still
   that which we are, we are, because
   
4. Time is the substance I am made of.
   Time is a river which sweeps me along, but I am the river.
   Time is a tiger which destroys me, but I am the tiger.
   Time is a fire which consumes me, but I am the fire.
5. The whole earth is sick of your search for knowledge.
   I am not offering information;
   I seek to destroy the wisdom of the wise;
   I seek to frustrate the intelligence of the intelligent; because
   
6. I have never done anything wrong to anyone!
   And if the whole world is turning against me, I know
   It's only because of pure hatred, envy and indignation, because
   
   

O Friendless One (GLOG Class: Summoner Pathfinder Conversion)

    "Many search the Far Realms for the strength to change the world, and some find it. Yet none traffick more devoutly than the Summoner. She bonds with a particular entity, the Eidolon, who gains power as she becomes more proficient in his Summoning. Over time the two become one, even sharing the same soul. This power comes at a cost, as all worthwhile things do; other elements of her life must be secondary to time spent enhancing the powers and exploring the nature of her Eidolon."
         - unknown source

Source: Threnody by SRaffa.

    Imagine you're a child, and there's a man who lives at the end of the road. He's crazy. Everyone knows, and you know it too. Everyone says, and you say it too. But your friends have never spoken to him, and neither have you. One day you talk to him, and he makes sense. Perfect sense. More sense than you ever thought possible.
    So now what?

Class: Summoner

    You are a Summoner, an arcanist who drifts from orthodoxy into devotion to a specific summoned entity. As a Summoner, you are a half-caster, gaining an MD at templates A and C. You cast spells like an Orthodox Wizard either from your head (you may hold as many spells in your head as you have MD) or out of a book (in which case your turn is last in combat) as a wizard would.
    The main focus of your class, however, is your Eidolon, a strange creature from outside the normal bounds of time and space. The Eidolon is controlled by you as a second character. Their loyalty is absolute and unwavering, but their abilities and personalities are variegate. Rules for Eidolon creation and evolution are found at the bottom of this post.
    If you have at least one template of Summoner, you may wear light armor, and never fumble while using knives, clubs or staves.

Skills: 1. Wildlife Biology 2. Haute-culture 3. Chirurgy
Starting Equipment: fashionable traveling clothes (as unarmored), walking stick (light), spellbook (10 spells maximum, contains a random orthodox spell), and one piece of wizard kit from the list at the bottom of this post.

• A Eidolon, Bond Senses, +1 MD, +2 EP
• B Shield Ally, +3 EP
• C Maker's Call, +1 MD, +1 EP
• D Aspect, +3 EP

Eidolon
    You are accompanied by a constant companion who begins play about the size of a big dog (that's about 50kg), though proportions may vary (see Identities below). Its body is apparently made from modeling clay and origami. The Eidolon has a character sheet you need to keep track of because the DM has enough to worry about. Its starting physical stats and armor class are as Poodle, and starting mental stats are equal to yours. Its XP total and [level] is always the same as yours. Its HP total is the maximum its [level] would allow. If you think of your Eidolon as a really fucked up dog it will help you predict how it interacts with the world when being set on fire, or falling off of a cliff, or being trapped in a cage, or being trapped in a cage as the cage is thrown off the side of a boat into the ocean, or in other situations I can't think of right now but will certainly come up.
    Your Eidolon never regenerates HP. Instead, you can instantly transfer any amount of your own hitpoints to it at-will. If it would take a fatal wound, it disappears with a pop, and can be resummoned at 1 HP with a ten minute ritual and 3 of your own hitpoints.
    Your Eidolon can hear and feel through its skin and can communicate with you psionically. If it has eyes (which you may need to furnish yourself!), it may see, and if it has a mouth it may speak. If it can't see then it must move by dead reckoning, shin-collision and your guidance. If it can't speak then you will have to do the talking for it.
    At first level and every time you gain a level thereafter, you will gain evolution points. You can spend these EP on more limbs, greebles and abilities for your Eidolon. You may reassign your total EP pool every time you gain a level, if you wish. The physical body of your Eidolon is merely a 3-dimensional cubesection of its true 11-dimensional form, so it can (seem to) take an almost entirely different shape as you understand it better. There are other sources of evolution points, and other opportunities to reassign them, but you'll have to find those yourself.
Bond Senses
    For a round at a time, up to [level] times per dawn, you may completely inhabit your Eidolon's mind, seeing what it sees, hearing what it hears, tasting and smelling and feeling what it tastes and smells and feels, and experiencing its emotions.

Shield Ally
    Your Eidolon can protect you, in ways more esoteric than just deflecting a sword-stroke with a limb. While within arm's reach of your Eidolon you have a +2 to AC and all saves.

Maker's Call
    Once per dawn, by speaking its name and gesturing, you may bring your Eidolon to your side instantly. It appears with any equipment it was wearing or holding, and any creature smaller than itself that it was grappling.

Aspect
    A facet of yourself is permanently part of your Eidolon, and a part of your Eidolon is forever a part of you. You may divert up to two evolution points to yourself, altering one of your forms to better match the other.

Eidolon

    The word "Eidolon" refers to a vast and crushing intelligence existing outside the bounds of space and time, and also to the tiny portion of them which your mind is able to support the existence of inside those bounds. The broad personality of that first one is determined by rolling on a random table (or you could just pick, but I have included a table to help you make a weird little freak). The specific capabilities of that second one are purchased by you with evolution points, which you gain as you level up.

What Is Your Eidolon Like?

Temperaments (roll if you wish):

1. Choleric (Hot-Dry). Aggressive, brave, spiteful, domineering, proud, ambitious, blunt. Eager for action, reluctant to contemplate. Sometimes mean by accident.
2. Sanguine (Hot-Wet). Outgoing, magnanimous, presumptuous, clingy, social, influential, hysterical. Always having a good time and happy to share. Not difficult to motivate, but difficult to keep focused.
3. Phlegmatic (Cold-Wet). Placid, contemplative, agreeable, imaginative, lazy, sensitive, indulgent. Contented, in a fat sort of way. Says less than they know.
4. Melancholic (Cold-Dry). Serene, cool, distracted, thorough, anal-retentive, traditional, patient. Chooses understanding over control, when given the option. Must be bullied into sharing thoughts or taking action.

Etiquettes (roll twice. Your Eidolon speaks these lingoes fluently):

1. Esoterica, lingua franca of the academic world, spoken by scholars and the expensively-educated.
2. Ledger, in which columns of credit and debit are recorded, spoken by accountants and revenuers.
3. Argot, unprintable gibberish of crime and payout, spoken by thieves and fences. 
4. Centrinel, light on words but heavy on meaningful winks, jaw juts, eyebrow wiggles, glances and fingers rubbed against thumbs, spoken by guards and watchmen.
5. Jargon, half technical and half made up to scare greenhorns, spoken by monster hunters and "freelance archaeologists".
6. Entendre, sometimes with more than one meaning, spoken by the upper-crust and those who wish to exploit their naivete and money.
7. Grumbling, muttered by the seething riffraff, spoken by henchmen and would-be barricadoes.

Fears (roll once. Your Eidolon must pass a morale check or be turned from these things):

1. Sunlight
2. Silver
3. Genuine Laughter
   
4. Salt
5. Prayer
6. Mathematics
7. Fire
8. Poetry
   
9. Wild Animals
10. Sorcery

Identities (the identity of your Eidolon dictates their initial shape):

1. Quadruped.
   Legs/legs/head, bite/eyes.
   More like a fat badger than a tiger or horse at this stage.
   
2. Biped.
   Legs/arms/human size, natural armor/violence.
   Awful blind headless homunculus, like a mannequin from a department store for blemmyes.
   
3. Serpent.
   Head, tail/bite/strangling/natural armor/climbing/eyes.
   As big as a Burmese Python. Could be a skilled assassin with a little training.
   
4. Avian.
   Legs/wings/head, bite/eyes.
   Monstrous creature larger than any flying bird in the natural world.
   
5. Fish.
   Tentacle mass/tentacles, strangling/gills/swimming.
   Grotesque squirming thing from the deeps. Sure to disgust and frighten those who see it.
   
6. Bug.
   Legs/legs/legs, climbing/climbing.
   🐛🥰.
   

Evolutions:

    The base form of the Eidolon gives 8 EP worth of evolutions, but these may not be redistributed when the Summoner levels up. Evolutions that add body parts can be taken multiple times. If an evolution requires another, other evolutions can't be applied to the same one — e.g. if your Eidolon has claws on its legs it cannot have hooves on the same legs, and if it has improved damage on its claws it can't improve them again. Evolutions which require a specific Identity don't need to be applied to another evolution and can be taken multiple times. You may have three sets of limbs per size-related evolution. All these rules make sense, I think.

1-point Evolutions:

1. Bite. Requires a head or the Fish Identity. Gives a maw filled with teeth or spines and one attack as a heavy weapon.
2. Bloodcurdling Scream. Requires a head or the Avian Identity. Allows the Eidolon to produce a truly awful sound at a high volume, like a banshee or a pterodactyl or a piece of industrial machinery. Probably requires a morale check from NPCs the first time they hear it, or more often than that if they know what it means and are afraid of the Eidolon. Different screams require different morale checks.
3. Camouflage. Requires a disguised substance. Allows the Eidolon to shift its appearance slightly to blend in with its surroundings, allowing it to hide in plain sight and giving it advantage on stealth-related checks while standing still.
   
4. Claws. Requires arms or legs. Gives blades or spikes and two attacks as light weapons.
   
5. Climbing. Allows the Eidolon to climb like a monkey. Take twice to climb like a spider.
   
6. Eyes. Requires a head or the Biped or Bug Identity. Gives eyes, eyestalks or compound lenses allowing the Eidolon to see like a human. Can be taken any number of times for superior field of vision.
   
7. Disguised Substance. The Eidolon appears to be made out of meat, or metal, or wood, or a combination of such, or whatever else you please. Purely cosmetic. 
8. Gills. Allows the Eidolon to breathe underwater. 
9. Grease Glands. Produce one pint of flammable mucus or fuel per day, enough to create a decent firebomb or render a 5' by 5' square patch of floor as slick as black ice.
   
10. Hooves. Requires legs. Gives steely hooves and one attack as a medium weapon, counting as two-handed if both legs are involved.
    
11. Horrible Presence. Children and small animals flee the Eidolon. Hirelings and enemies suffer a -1 penalty to morale.
    
12. Improved Damage. Requires a natural attack. That attack's damage die steps up once.
    
13. Mount. Allows the Eidolon to carry a creature of the same size without slowing down.
    
14. Natural Armor. +2 AC. May be taken four times.
    
15. Pincers. Requires arms or tentacles. Gives a pair of powerful graspers and one attack which grapples the target automatically. 
16. Pleasant Voice. Requires a head or the Bug Identity. Gives the Eidolon a mouth or voxcaster
    
17. Pounce. Requires two sets of legs or the Quadruped Identity. Allows the Eidolon to leap as far as it could move in a round.
    
18. Scent. Requires a head or the Fish identity. Gives fleshy whiskers, a snuffling nose or a VNO allowing the Eidolon to follow scents like a hound.
    
19. Slippery. Gives a mucusy coating or slick exoskeleton and a +4 on any check to escape a grapple or slide through a tight space.
    
20. Sticky. Gives a mucusy coating or millions of tiny barbs and a +4 on any check to initiate a grapple or cling to a position.
    
21. Sting. Requires tentacles or a tail. Gives a misericorde barb or voulge spike and one attack as a heavy weapon.
    
22. Strangling. Requires tentacles or a tail or the Serpent identity. Allows the Eidolon to attempt to strangle a grappled enemy as a free action on its turn, requiring them to pass a save or fall unconscious.
    
23. Swimming. Gives fins, swimmerets or webbed digits and allows the Eidolon to move through water as quickly as they can on land.
    
24. Tail. Gives a tufted, scaled, bony, furred or chainlink prehensile tail and one attack as a light weapon. 
25. Trash Compactor Stomach. Requires a head or a bite. Allows the Eidolon to consume up to [level] slots of equipment and items, which slowly break down over the course of the day. When a slot of organic items break down, the Eidolon regains 1 hitpoint.
    
26. Violence. Gives +1 to-hit. May be taken four times.
    

2-point Evolutions:

1. Arms. Gives a pair of arms with delicate grasping hands. Assumed to be roughly monkey/human/giant sized. 
2. Caltrops. Allows the Eidolon to generate caltrops of metal or quill, [level] 5' by 5' squares' worth a day. 
3. Cipher. Gives the Eidolon a cipher score of 2. It needs hands to pick locks and such, but it can be stealthy immediately.
   
4. Energy Immunity. Ignore damage from fire, lightning or explosions. May be taken three times.
5. Energy Source. Requires energy immunity. Allows the Eidolon to produce a field of any energy it is immune to, dealing 1d6 point of damage with a body slam or per round to anyone who touches it against its will (save negates). With fire it has a heat-shimmer effect, lightning errant crackling sparks, and explosions give it deeply unpleasant visual bugs.
   
6. Enhanced Sight. Requires eyes. Gives your choice of night vision, heat vision, wizard vision, cleric vision or "upgrades" those eyes to one of the New Eyes.
   
7. Human Size. Makes the Eidolon big and bulky at about 100kg, which (for example) would make a Biped into a big thuggish lad or a Quadruped into a mountain lion or a Fish into a big-ass fish. Strength and Constitution are set to 18.
   
8. Head. Gives a lump of material for other things to stick onto. Comes with ears and a face, if you want.
   
9. Impenetrable Hide. Requires at least two levels of Natural Armor. Half-damage from weapons.
   
10. Legs. Gives a pair of legs with sturdy feet. One set of legs allows the Eidolon to walk and run at human speed, two sets twice as fast, three sets &c. Can be taken fifty times.
    
11. Magic Spell. Gives 1MD and a spell the Eidolon might have picked up somewhere.
    
12. Multiattack. Allows the Eidolon to make an extra attack on its turn. May be taken twice. 
13. Rage. Gives the Eidolon two points of Rage.
    
14. Tentacle Mass. Gives a squirming mass of tentacles. Each set counts for two sets of legs when swimming.
    
15. Tentacles. Gives a pair of rubbery or rubbery tentacles. Like arms, but better at strangling and worse at playing the piano.
    
16. Tremorsense. Allows the Eidolon to sense movement across surfaces they're touching within 60'.
    
17. Venom. Requires a bite or a sting. The attack can deal damage to a stat instead of HP, or some other effect negotiated with the DM. Better venoms might have daily-usage restrictions.
    
18. Wings. Gives a pair of feathery, leathery or canvasy wings which allow the Eidolon to fly at their walking speed.
    

3-point Evolutions:

1. Amorphous. The Eidolon's flesh is mechanically undifferentiated and free of bottlenecks and weakpoints. They may squeeze through gaps the size of their head (assuming they had one), are immune to all poisons, and cannot be dealt critical hits or sneak attacks. 
2. Anfractuous. The Eidolon may split into two smaller versions of itself, each with half HP (losing the odd point). No other stats change, and normal restrictions on limbs do not apply. Eidolons of normal size may split once into two tiny forms. Eidolons of human size may split twice into two normal-sized versions, and so on. All smaller versions must be destroyed before the original Eidolon may be resummoned.
   
3. Appearance. The Eidolon may appear angelic, demonic, undead or as some other kind of monster relevant to the campaign. They suffer the weaknesses and gain the strengths of that kind of monster.
   
4. Breath. Requires a head. Gives a breath attack like a dragon.
   
5. Burrow. The Eidolon can tunnel through the earth at a rate of 5' per minute, leaving a hole large enough for a creature of their size to crawl through. If selected twice, they may burrow through solid stone at a rate of 5' per hour.
   
6. Commanding Presence. The Eidolon is unusually regal and intimidating. People can feel it looking at them, if it has eyes.
   
7. Disease. Requires a natural weapon. Attacks from the natural weapon spread your choice of bubonic plague, leprosy, lyme disease or the common cold. Normal infection chances apply.
   
8. Giant Size. Requires human size. Makes the Eidolon huge and looming at about 300kg, which (for example) would make a Biped eleven feet tall or a Quadruped a slender horse or a Bug into a real motherfucker. Strength and Constitution are set to 30.  
9. Hypnotism. Requires eyes. Gives the Eidolon a friendly smile. Those who fail the morale check must obey your one-word commands which don't directly harm them ("wait" to someone in an active warzone is O.K, "approach" to someone on the other side of a deep pit is not). 
   
10. Spinnerets. Gives a set of spinnerets, allowing the Eidolon to produce [level]*30' of silk cord per day, and an extra 30' per hitpoint spent.
    
11. Swallow. Requires a bite. Allows the Eidolon to attempt to eat a grappled enemy, requiring them to pass a save or be swallowed whole. While swallowed, they take 1d6 damage every round if the Eidolon wishes and are immobilized. If the Eidolon is killed, or if they are dealt 6 damage in a single attack, or at-will, the swallowed creature is released.
    

Wizard Kit:

1. Fashionable Traveling Clothes. 0 slots worn, 2 slots carried.
   
2. Walking Stick. Has a skull on it, or a smiling ducky. ⅓rd slot.
   
3. Spellbook. Yours, being fairly Orthodox, is bound in "human skin" (cheap imitation) and written in "blood" (brown ink). Ten spells total. 1 slot.
   
4. Black Veil. Woven in such a way that it conceals your face without significantly worsening your vision.
   
5. Grapnel and 50' of silk rope.
   
6. Exotic Throwing Disk. A razor-sharp medium weapon in your hands, a light weapon that deals damage to its owner on a fumble to anyone unfamiliar with it. 1 slot.
   
7. Hooded Lantern. Fine specialist gear, sheds light for 24 hours on a dose of kerosene, light may be concealed. 1 slot.
   
8. Three grenadoes. Six-second fuze (can detonate this turn or the next in combat, your choice), 2d6 damage within 30', save negates. 1 slot each.
   
9. 3d Model of a 4d Cube. Very helpful when explaining the concept of higher dimensions. ⅓rd slot
   
10. Rhyming Dictionary. 1/3rd slot.
    
11. Roadmap of the Moon. Indicates a total absence of roads on the moon, though there are some pages missing.
    
12. Roadmap of the Mood. Indicates a total absence of roads in the mood of the room. Usually, anyway. Its content shifts.
    
13. Triple-Length Pistol. Classic black-powder pistol with an exaggeratedly long barrel. About the size, shape and weight of a foot attached to a long calf. Deals 2d6 damage on a hit, takes a full minute to reload, and fires with disadvantage if you moved this turn. -1 to-hit for every full 30 feet between you and the target. 2 slots.
    
14. Loud Boots. Make a truly astonishing amount of noise as you walk, tends to scare away wild animals. 1 slot.
    
15. Glass Eye. Tiiiiny hidden compartment. Can be put in your socket, if you've got a spare.
    
16. Flash Powder. Blinds those who look directly at the explosion for 3 rounds on a failed save. 3 doses.
    
17. Oriental Barometer. Odd little gizmo, shaped like an artificial flower, which changes color to indicate how close one is to water.
    
18. Science Glove. For your right hand. Resists fire, acid, and broken glass.
    
19. Superstition Glove. For your left hand. Woven with threads of alchemical sapphire, a material tangible to ghosts.
    
20. A weird or inexplicable curio. Roll 1d6 on the following list:
    
    1. A red-gold coin whose two sides are the Donkey and the Elephant. When flipped, always comes up Skull somehow.
    2. Cosmic Bait. Looks just like a human's soul, but made from sparkly vinyl. Almost irresistible.
       
    3. Pair of voidglasses. Like sunglasses, but for looking at things Man Was Not Meant To Know.
       
    4. Intimidating Hat. Hard to explain why, but this hat is really scary. NPCs are nonplussed. 1 slot.
       
    5. Scale model of Hell.
       
    6. A single Ten Armies Boot. Two of them would have all sorts of incredible uses, but a single one only lets you balance perfectly on one foot while bracing the other (the one wearing the boot) in the air.