Worse than Useless (October 3rd)

    I've done a post on swords with THREE WORD NAMES before, and I sure do like giving magic swords out as treasure. But not every blade is made the same. The theme for GLOGtober 3rd is "goblins" — so, tangentially, how about some terrible swords? 

Source: swords by LancierPilum

1. SOME NECESSARY PROBLEMS. She is a medium langmesser (+1) of pale and chardun. Her guard is four-part and too pointy to be safely carried in a normal sheath. SOME NECESSARY PROBLEMS requires double rations, and will loudly and constantly complain if this is not provided to her. She was recently stolen from an eccentric nobleman's collection, and abandoned by the side of the road by the thief. She knows his name, description, deepest fears and current destination, and wants him dead.
   
   
2. DEAD RISE NEVER. It is a medium longsword of bronte. Its hilt and guard are decorated with amber and gold leaf. Once held in the hand, it cannot be released until a priest temporarily dispels its curse. Hopefully you didn't pick it up with both hands (or by the blade) Currently waiting, innocently, in a pile of treasure.
   
   
3. GREAT SPEAR BLADE. She is a heavy jian (+1) of adamant. Her blade is much thicker and heavier than most of her type, and her handle is commensurately longer. GREAT SPEAR BLADE may, at-will, cause anyone within shouting distance to enter into a rage, which she tries to do only when it would be as funny as possible. Currently buried under several bodies in a ditch.
   
   
4. GARDENER WAR DILEMMA. He is a medium drill hoe (+2) of chardun and bronte. As an awkwardly-weighted farming implement, he deals 1d6 damage when held in two hands and 1 when held in one. He can be used to hoe rows at triple speed, but he much prefers combat. Currently in the possession of an alcoholic Zouave.
   
   
5. OLD MEN REAP. She is a light scimitar of ossgold. Her blade is elaborately etched with an agricultural scene depicting a wartime harvest; the women drag fallen trees to form crude abatis along the roads, the children tread grapes in vats full to their waists, and with grim smiles and bent backs the OLD MEN REAP. Her bearer can neither surprise or be surprised, as she constantly mutters about her surroundings and any hidden enemies. Currently hanging on the wall in an abandoned woodcutter's camp.
   
   
6. GREAT INDELIBLE POEM. It is a massive nagamaki (+1) of bronte and ossgold. Its mottled blade and sharkskin grip are clearly the work of a master. It is terrified of fire, water, the dark, long falls and tight spaces. Currently jammed into a big rock somewhere in the middle of nowhere, waiting for a prophesied king.
   
   
7. THE FIRST PRINCIPLE. He is a medium yataghan (-2) of pale. His hilt is missing, so someone has wrapped his tang in bloody bandages. He loudly, negatively, comments on his wielder's martial skills and absence of horse (if his wielder has a horse he will insult it). When used to deal a critical hit, THE FIRST PRINCIPLE will chuckle knowingly and deal an extra 2d8 fire damage. Currently at the bottom of a river tied to a human sacrifice.
   
   
8. PENURY INERTNESS GRIMACE. She is a light falcata (+1) of chardun and ossgold. Her pommel is an eagle's head in gold, her guard an eagle's wings, and her attractively swept blade is sure to draw approving looks from nearby swordsmen. Unfortunately, she swears like a sailor with his head stuck in a toffee puller and knows every rude word in human language. Currently forgotten in a bank safety deposit.
   
   
9. GOOD LUCK FRIEND. She is a medium wakizashi of bronte. Her name is engraved repeatedly on her blade, though it is only visible in the sections not covered with rust. When touched to stone she converts it to iron; when touched to iron she converts it to wood, and when touched to wood she converts it to stone. Violently allergic to living flesh and must be handled with mail mittens. Currently the property of a safecracker in way over her head.
   
   
10. NOTHING TO IDENTIFY. He is a medium backsword (+4) of adamant. His knuckleguard has a warning written on it in an unreadable script, but he can recite it upon specific request: "Please do not touch, thank you". On a critical or a fumble he detonates in a 4MD Fireball, and reconstitutes 24 hours later in the possession of his bearer's next-of-kin. Currently lying on a sidewalk in a slum — he has explained the situation to the residents and they have (wisely) left him there.
    
    
11. STRATEGIC MONKEY RESERVES. She is a light kris of adamant. Her hilt is wrapped in blue silk and her pommel is a sapphire. She steals angels from nearby clerics; this is usually immediately obvious to them and they will request to be returned, but STRATEGIC MONKEY RESERVES will do so only if she feels like it. Currently the only friend of a blue-masked hermit on a small island unknown to cartographers.
    
    
12. NO SAFE HARBOR. He is a medium szabla of bronte and ossgold. Unusual acid wash sometimes resembles a face. As a generous benefactor of humanity, NO SAFE HARBOR delights in offering them what they want most. He can produce his own weight in material every day, consisting of what he thinks is most desired by those present (this is opium if there is a dope addict nearby and cheap gin otherwise). Currently in the possession of an unscrupulous tavernkeep.
    

Rekuratu Recreated (October 2nd: Blood)

    This post was originally cobbled together from campaign notes from 2015. It was the first post on this blog, and received some seventeen views before I de-published it in shame. I have not edited it except by fixing the image-embedding HTML that Blogspot broke at some point. There doesn't seem to be much difference between how I wrote then and how I write now. I have revivified it, and here present it as the second entry in GLOGtober.

Crudely traced from an old issue of Frank Leslie's Popular Monthly

Drinkers of blood, eaters of flesh. Vampires travel the world righting wrongs or causing new ones as the whim takes them. Sun-warding bandages cover them so thickly that their identities would be impossible to determine even if you could find someone who was alive however many centuries ago the vampire was. Like all immortals, vampires are vulnerable to (and sometimes masters of) fire and water. The bodies under the bandages are little more than dust, and will burn or dissolve easily. They fear the ocean like they fear the Devil and will only cross running water in the name of causes they are willing to die for. If they hate you, killing you is such a cause.

It is not difficult to make vampires hate you. They write the names of their enemies on the inside of those bandages they wear over their hearts.

Appearance:

The arrival of a vampire is heralded by all senses. Their voices are dry (or sticky-moist) as the air of a tomb. Their ancient bandages stink of rot, crackle like fire, and are rough as sharkskin. Tasting the bandages is ill-advised.

Old vampires have names in dead languages. Some of those names are recognizable to students of history; others are famed in story from the territory of the Hobgoblin Emperor to the endless deserts of the Parch. Many vampires lie about their names, but not all.Vampires are encountered in almost any climate or region. Like crows or ants, they are attracted to battlefields and sites of slaughter, but they can also be found walking the streets of the great cities at night, or simply wandering through the wilderness testing their skills on any travelers they come across.

Fighting:

Weapons, even enchanted ones, deal half damage to vampires. While they are on fire they receive 1D6 damage at the end of each full turn, and they burn until they immerse themselves in water or something smothers them magically. Immersion in water deals 1D6 damage to vampires, 1D6 at the end of each turn if the water is running or the vampire is moving around. If you can remove their bandages without killing them (and they will fight to prevent this), sunlight will destroy whatever parts of them are still human.

Each vampire carries trophies: perhaps a pennant of a kingdom long vanished from living memory, a lock of woman’s (or man’s) hair, a broken wedding ring, a religious symbol — detritus of a life that might not even be theirs. If a vampire loses a trophy through misfortune, it will abandon its tasks and wander off in a random direction to sulk, or meditate, or raze a village. If someone stole the trophy, on a 4-in-6 chance the vampire will hunt him until one of the two is dead. 2-in-6 chance for it to hunt the culprit for forty-eight hours, then lose interest.

Contents of a Vampire's Pocket (D8): 

1 - Heavy broach in rococo style, studded with semi-precious stones. Sold in parts, the broach is worth 30 sp. Sold whole, 120 sp, less whatever negative value the merchant assigns to running away from a vampire for the rest of his life.

2 - Blood-encrusted crossbow bolt poorly inscribed with runes of dragon slaying. A relic of a forgotten age. 4-in-6 chance a sage will identify these as runes of vampire slaying. Do not shoot a vampire with this. 20 sp.

3 - Slender book which the vampire has used to press daisies. The book was once the possession of Ozurdex the Groping Hand, a powerful prince of a race of necromancers. The flowers have ruined the text. Reading the title aloud messily kills all small animals within 200 feet. -50 sp. (You will have to pay someone a great deal of money to take this cursed thing off of your hand. Burning it yourself might be dangerous. Don't sleep in its presence.)

4 - Ring of Saffron. +1 to any reaction roll with creatures who can smell. There are nations of blind things, deep beneath the earth, who will recognize you as their vengeful blood-drinking g_d. 60 sp.

5 - Ram's horn, capped with silver on the cut end. A lifetime (or just a single war) ago, carrying this marked you as a revolutionary. It now marks you as an officer of the secret police. This vampire, unlike many, was probably only one of those things. 10 sp.

6 - Finger-sized lump of Alchemical Sapphire. This substance repels or destroys many supernatural effects. Someone has carved the base of this piece into a bolt so you can screw it to the tip of a dueling foil and hunt ghosts. 50 sp, 100 sp to an alchemist.

7 - Packet of Lead Sugar. Upon consuming this, take 1 point of damage to your highest stat. 1-in-6 chance of permanent loss; else a full night of sleep heals you. Tastes like home. 10 sp.

8 - A golden crown. Spake Synagis, Offa's Brother, "Crown of eight points, crown I hold in my hands, crown of kadzkadzat and opal, crown you took from our father, crown with the words of Mana over the inner arc, crown you wore as you killed your son..." This has the eight points, the jewels, and the holy writ, just like the skalds still sing. Where did the vampire find this?

Not Fighting:

Every vampire is a master of the Sacerd style of fencing, which emphasizes powerful killing blows with a plain iron smallsword and forbids the use of weapons or tools in the offhand. Fights between two students of the Sacerd style are over within three blows. Fights between a student and a non-student are typically also over within three blows.

Sacerd was developed by the paladin-priests of Tabernak, who believe evil men killed by this style are offered some slight remittance of sin, then perfected by assassins, who believe its coup de grace kills instantly and painlessly, and is now beloved of vampires, who hope (but do not believe) both things are correct.

Traditions of the Sacerd Style: 

Nothing More - These traditions may only be used with a plain one-handed sword and an empty off-hand.

Grooves in the Granite Floors of the Temples - Students of the Sacerd style train for years in the same basic positions and responses. +4 to individual initiative roll, or always get a surprise round if your group wins initiative. This tradition can be learned as a novitiate in a seminary, or in one year's study at a sufficiently old monastery.

Extensive Study of the Vascular System - It takes many long evenings, and careful diagramming by hand, before anyone can fully understand the arteries, veins, capillaries and other vessels that tangle through and about each other inside the human body. Expand your critical hit range by 1. This tradition can be learned as a student in a university, or in one year's study at a military surgery.  

Mindless, Blind Brutality - Few have a natural aptitude for the highest and most esoteric levels of the Sacerd style. Anyone struck by one of your critical hits must make a save vs. death. This tradition can be learned as an abused child, or directly from a vampire. How long it takes him to teach you depends on who you are.

The first five- or six-hundred years of immortality are full of wonder, as the weaknesses of the human condition melt away and the vampires are free to do anything that interests them. But as their half-rotted eternities wear on, ennui and self-hatred grow, and the vampires begin to pursue ever-more self-destructive pastimes.

In what free time they have between fighting for a cause or against each other vampires do little besides feed their bodies and train their swordsmanship, driven ever onward by their wholly justified fear of retribution. If a vampire were to convince himself that nothing persists beyond death and his soul would never face judgement, never be held accountable for his actions, then he would most likely kill himself immediately. But many vampires are old and strange enough to have actually spoken with the g_ds, and some have gone so far as to war with them. Vampires are rarely atheists.

Adventurers with a specific problem and a specific plan to solve the problem almost certainly won't be able to rouse vampires to assist them, even if the plan involves excitement and murder. Still; the worst thing the vampire can do is say no and eat you, so why not ask?

I Shouldn't Be Alive (October 1st: Guns)

This is a post for GLOGtober. GLOGtober 1st is guns.

Source: Revolver Ocelot by CBedford

    One problem people (such as myself) sometimes have with guns in D&Dalikes is the lethality. I can envision what a missed attack roll looks like with a sword (a whiff), I know what a hit with a low damage roll means (caught on a bit of armor, poor timing wasted most of the momentum, barely nicked with the tip), I know what a hit with a high damage roll means (a nasty slice, a solid thwack to the shield-arm). To a degree I can even accept a high HP total that lets a PC take several high-damage hits (it's luck! it's grit! it's all sorts of things besides meat!)

    But what does that look like with firearms? How much damage does a gun do? It seems a bit stupid to have a high-powered rifle do basically the same thing as a big knife.

    Well, real life is pretty stupid as well. Here are a number of unusual effects of being shot.

1. Nothing seems to happen. Later, you will discover a gigantic bullet hole in your hat. 
2. The shot passes harmlessly through your baggy dress pants.
3. You open your mouth to shout in alarm and the bullet whistles through it, neatly removing your canine teeth. 
4. The wadding catches you square in the forehead, knocking you onto your rear, as the bullet whistles by twenty feet above you.
5. The bullet grazes your shin, which hurts like Hell and bleeds like a fountain. You need to take five minutes tying yourself off.
   
6. Your weapon catches the bullet and shatters in a cloud of painful but harmless shrapnel.
   
7. Your hat is taken, and an ear with it. You are otherwise unharmed.
   
8. It goes right through the meat of your upper arm, disabling it for 1d6 days (exploding).
   
9. As you hold some piece of gear up to examine it, the bullet drives it into your face. Your eyes are so blackened they swell shut, blinding you for the rest of the day.
10. A shard of a bullet that broke upon firing catches you in the stomach, and you bleed profusely. Gain the effects of blood loss for 1d6 days (exploding).
    
11. While dodging a shot you fall and twist your knee badly, reducing you to half speed for 1d6 days (exploding).
12. Shrapnel catches you square in the chest and stomach, throwing you to the ground and reducing you to 0 HP.
    
13. The bullet lightly grazes your temple, and you fall unconscious for 1d6 days (exploding). 
14. One hand blown clean off by an unlucky shot.
15. Shot through the thigh, save vs. Death or bleed out within a minute.
16. One leg ruined by an unlucky shot. Reduced to 0 HP.
17. Both of your arms blown off. Reduced to 0 HP. Time to learn how to fight with your teeth
    
18. The bullet catches you in the breastbone and you fall dead instantly.
19. The bullets shred you like paper and you fly backwards, your gear unrecoverable
20. You liquefy, vaporize, and disperse like a fog cloud. Nearby NPCs make morale checks.
    

The Ranger of the Tomb, or; the Prophecy (GLOG Class: Ranger)

To the dark grave we go, bearing the proud and great,
    where quick decay will know no title or estate.
Pour forth the solemn strain, wail for the mighty dead;
    for dust has come to dust again and the warrior spirit fled . . .

Source: Ancient Temple Explorers by Suirebit

    The ground in these parts is full of hollows and the ruins of graves: empty spaces surely made by giants, who dug through stone like a gravedigger through soft earth, and who left behind many wonderful things to amuse them in the afterlife. If you make your living by retrieving these wonders, or guiding parties of others, you are a tomb ranger.

    As a tomb ranger, you can wear light and medium armor and can carry shields. You never fumble while using knives, whips, pistols, grenades or bows.

Skills: 1. Burial Rites 2. Ropes & Knots 3. Mechanics.

Starting Equipment: heavy work clothes (as leather), an exotic mask (see below for equipment list) a bullwhip (light), a bronze lantern , three doses of kerosene (⅓ slot each, burn for twelve hours) and one other piece of kit of your choice .

• A Bloodstained, Light Foot, +1 HP
  
• B Ghost Friend +1 to-hit
  
• C Eyes in the Dark, Trophies, +1 AC
  
• D Darkness in the Eyes, +1 to-hit

Bloodstained
    Horrors of the deep haven't bothered you in years. You can track fresh undead by scent like a bloodhound, and always know if there is a human corpse within 30'. After the DM gives you the Omen of an encounter, you can choose to encounter an appropriately large horde of undead instead.
Light Foot
    You have been trained for extended periods in the field — underground. You suffer no combat penalties from rough terrain, cramped spaces or dim light. If it comes up; you also have no strong objections to utter darkness, wading in stagnant water, or eating shoe leather.

Ghost Friend
    You have attracted a friendly (or at least curious) spirit. It has 2 HD and follows you around. Roll a d6 to learn its name and general outlook:

1. Robert Logsville, ex-tomb ranger. Doesn't quite remember what killed him, but he knows a lot about the underground. Identifies most undead on sight.
   
2. Jone Ries, ex-tomb raider. Endlessly fascinated by modern technology, especially guns. Can scout climbing routes to find the easiest path.
   
3. Ogedei, a King who once inhabited the underground halls. Can't speak your language but likes to sing. 4-in-6 chance of pointing out traps and secret doors.
   
4. The Sheer Veil, an old ghost without a name. Those it envelops are blind but take half damage from all sources. Usually follows directions.
   
5. Shadow-in-the-corner-of-my-eye, an ancient ghost without a form. You cannot be surprised if you're paying attention to its gestures. Likes to hover behind attractive people.
   
6. AGHDHS!, an antecataclysmic thing. Huge. Displaces other spirits, friendly and hostile alike.
   

Eyes in the Dark
    At will, your eyes project ghastly light for five feet. This is bright enough to allow reading text, and is visible for a long way in open space.
Trophies
    Wearing or wielding cursed equipment, which grave goods and evil swords tend to be, gives you proportionate bonuses to AC, to-hit and damage. Negotiate this with your DM, I don't have time for your bullshit, but a small inconvenient curse should give a +1 while a big terrible curse can be a +2 or 3.

Darkness in the Eyes
    At will, walk into a deep shadow and declare that you have disappeared. Nothing can affect you or be affected by you while you are so vanished, and you may reappear in another area of darkness at will unless it is literally impossible for you to have reached it unseen.

 

 Tomb Robbing Kit:

1. Sturdy Work Clothes. Waterproof boots with soles that grip through dampness, big sturdy overalls that won't be torn up by squeezing through narrow passages, fuzzy fleece underthings to protect you from the deathly chill. As leather armor. 0/2 slots.
   
2. Exotic Mask. Looks like a skull, or a monkey, or any other totem you have encountered in the underground. Some ghosts respond well to it.
   
3. Bullwhip. A light weapon, has the reach of a thrown weapon without needing to be thrown. On a fumble it tangles itself in the environment and you must spend a minute retrieving it. ⅓rd slot.
4. Bronze Lantern. Fine specialist gear, sheds light for 15' for twenty-four hours on a dose of kerosene. 1 slot.
   
5. Silent Revolver. Astonishing bit of clockwork, makes no more noise than a fat man covering up a sneeze in an opera house. Deals 1d8 damage at a range of 10', with a -1 to-hit every 5' past that. Comes fully loaded with six shots. ⅓rd slot.
   
6. Stick of Fluorescing Chalk. Glows in a color of your choice when exposed to even the faintest light.
   
7. Sputtering Flares. Burns for five minutes, illuminating poorly for 5', and blinking slightly brighter once a second. Useful as a timer, or can be dropped down a hole to measure distances. Packet of ten. 1 slot.
   
8. Scented Bandanna. Renders many inhaled poisons harmless, or at least down to ½ damage, and prevents you from tracking the undead by scent.
   
9. 100' of rope and clip.
   
10. First-rate Crowbar. Useful as a light weapon, and doubles your effective strength when lifting objects. ⅓rd slot.
    
11. Curlicue Bow. Exceptionally small, exceptionally powerful for its size. The manufacturers promise it can be fully drawn and fired from the inside of a coffin. Deals 1d8 damage at 10', with -1 to-hit every 10' past that. Comes with a pack of ten steel darts. ⅓rd slot and 1 slot respectively.
    
12. Three sticks of dynamite. One stick of dynamite explodes for 1d6 in 10', two for 2d6 in 20' &c. ⅓rd slot each.
13. 30' of Ghostproof Cable. Steel mesh with a core of alchemical sapphire. Opaque and impassible to non-physical entities (ghosts, angels, astral projections). 1 slot.
    
14. Waterproof Bag. Protects up to three slots of objects from the damp, or can be inflated to help you float on bottomless ebon pools of the underworld.
    
15. Cave Helmet. Sturdy, to protect your head, with an attached carbide lamp.
    
16. Pouch of 100 Ball Bearings. Useful as a weight, an obstacle to foes, probably fucking with mechanisms somehow. It's also a good way to move around large blocks of stone if you can lift them up a little bit with a lever. ⅓rd slot.
    
17. Solar Compass. A crystal disc with an adamant pin. Always points to the sun, even underground. Sometimes confused by large, moving shapes in the darkness.
    
18. Climbing Harness. All the bits and bobs, the straps and the hooks, for you to hook yourself on to a rope or carry important gear.
    
19. Bronze Knife. A light weapon. Guaranteed not to spark or cause harm to fairy. ⅓rd slot each.
    
20. Gilt Climbing-axe. A light weapon. Deals full damage to the undead.
    
21. A strange or inexplicable curio. Roll 1d6 on the following list:
    1. Sociopathy detector. Worn around your neck, this small crystal will vibrate in the presence of a sociopath.
       
    2. Heat Bracelet. Gold and rubies in an ancient style. Detonates in 4MD Fireball when it hears its command word (you don't know what its command word is).
       
    3. A head of Diamond Garlic. Black garlic is made by heating whole bulbs over the course of weeks; diamond garlic by heating whole bulbs over the course of centuries. About ten doses of perfect garlic ambrosia.
       
    4. A bee whistle. Produces a sound only audible to bees and elfs.
       
    5. A jar of hatred. Lovely example of ancient glassblowing. When smashed, creatures within 20' must save against hatred. ⅓rd slot.
       
    6. A writ of divine mandamus. Directed at someone, or something, named Charm Person, who refuses (on ethical grounds) to perform their duties. Found in a decaying mailbag three miles beneath the earth.

GLOG City Challenge

    The OSR Discord did a city-building challenge several months ago. Check out a few of the other cities here and here. You, as a reader, are therefore required to forgive me for this exercise.

Apostelene

    The Apostle seized the holy city from the armies of the dead in a battle which lasted for five days and five nights. He heaped up cords of bodies high and wide, and the ancient streets flowed turgid with old blood to an apple's depth. No human force could have accomplished this miracle of violence. Only through divine intervention was the city successfully reclaimed.

    Apostelene is, of course, not a "natural" city. It was never a watering hole for wandering shepherds, or a fortified camp at some crook of river and road. The g_ds themselves laid its corner-stones at the place of their choosing. This is all to say: Apostelene stands in the middle of a plain with no convenient natural structures and no easy water access. But who is so wise to question the decision of the g_ds?

    The traveler will first see the legendary city by its impossible walls, which loom eighty feet high and forty feet thick. The lichen-gray adamantine stones are incorruptible, but the mortar was not. Much has been dismantled for greed's sake. The surviving allures are dotted with the camps of merchants and mercenaries. At night their hearthfires can be seen for miles, and during the day the smoke is another great wall around the city. The road leading to the great gates is likewise ancient. It was made broad enough for carts (some eight feet across on the straight, sixteen on the curves) and the hills were cut so it might lie level. The original stonework was pink granite, masterfully done, but the new lords of the city have patched it here and there. Where age buried the old road, the way to the city of the Apostle is a path worn in the dirt.

    The gates themselves are plain wood banded with iron and are conspicuously too short for their archway. The original gates would have been imposing and terrible — but they were smashed down in Ages past by some hideous misfortune, and lie warped and ruined just inside the wall. None can shift their adamant weight. Finally, when the traveler reaches the inside of the city, his eyes will meet with wonder the houses of the g_ds. Kings claim the purest descent, and it is true that they are the tallest men, but Apostelene's grave-bound builders made houses for true giants: no lintel in the city is lower than ten feet. The gutters are so deep as to serve the inhabitants as canals, and in the ruined buildings stone furniture dwarfs the merely human. Apostelene surpasses its new occupants

    For Apostelene is occupied, by the Clerics of the White and Black Masks. This alien, semi-divine city on the edge of civilization is perfect for them. One may meditate on its empty miles of street and consider mortality (or, more practically, smash into an abandoned building and convert it to a workshop or storehouse). No one will bother them because no one else is interested in this time-gnawed corpse of a city.

   Was Apostelene ever fully inhabited? When could its labyrinth-like structure have been justified? Certainly its tiny population of clerics and enterprising adventurers cannot fill it. At night, civilized men cling to the walls and safehouses, and the heart of the city is left to moulder. How many generations must have passed since death seized this city, and its roofs caved in, and fierce lightning chased the thunder in its streets, and its temples were scarred by the storm and swept bare by the wind — and oh, was it beautiful once?

Major Points of Interest

White Mask Chapterhouse

    This building must have been a palace when the city had bluebloods. The Chapterhouse is three stories high but for where the belltower reaches six. The walls are marble and the bronze cherubs are scrubbed carefully by portly acolytes. Despite the desolate surroundings, the Chapterhouse is a patch of comfort and life.

    The White Masks keep a large presence in Apostelene, but this is primarily in the service of their black-mask brothers and sisters. A wanderer (such as a PC) can hope for clerical services at reasonable rates. There is a slight risk of being pressed into some small errand; the White Masks never have enough hands around.

Services Available Inside:

1. Mallobaud is a chef, planning on serving goose tonight. There are wild geese on the northern edge of town, and would you be a dear and get him some? Half a dozen should do. You will be appropriately rewarded.
   

   Goose: 1HD avian, AC as leather, morale 10
   Movement: as goose
   Morality: vile beyond comprehension (Chaotic Evil)
   Attacks: two pecks (+4 to-hit, 1 damage) or one wingbash (+0 to-hit, 1d6 damage). Knocks you senseless with wings then gouges you with beak
   

   
   
2. Kayward is the official cartographer of the chapterhouse. His major project is mapping the city streets, and because of this he will sometimes stare slack-jawed into the distance and slump his whole body in dejection. Kayward is willing to buy maps off of PCs, and can direct them towards points of interest if he thinks it is important.
   
3. Bouchard is a trained surgeon and healer, and can help with disease and injuries. Many small hurts can be healed outright with magic, but if something more is needed then Bouchard is handy with a saw and a bucket of hot tar.
   
4. Peg-legged Adel handles those funerals which are necessary among the city's small population. He has a talent for sniffing out the dead, and will regale you with tales of long-past campaigns if you give him the slightest excuse.
   
5. Jocelin works in the cellars of the chapterhouse. He is desperate to recreate what the carvings on the walls describe as a wine made of stars. Currently, he is subjecting the other clerics to wine mixed with mineral water — this is the best idea he has come up with. Maybe you can help?
   
6. Luther is the postmaster, and friends with the angel called Message. He charges 1gp a word (a princely sum) along with a nominal fee for messages received. As the man in charge of packages he is also part of the Black Mask supply network, so offers discounts for payments in powder, dynamite and guns.
   

Black Mask Compound

    This part of the city must have been a private... something. The wall is high, adamant, and ringed with razor-edges like the teeth of a trap. Something within is always making a sound — a cheering crowd, a screaming orator, the clashing of practice swords, or the resonance of a hundred voices praying the hours. There's a statue at the front gate of a cloaked figure bearing a sword still wickedly sharp. The cloth is lovingly shaped from coal-black marble, but the deathshead is a crude thing of lacquered iron.

    The Black Masks keep a gigantic presence in Apostelene. As a major fortified city three days from the frontier it is an essential staging point for their efforts to burn out the dead. This in turn attracts merchants of weapons and supplies, The Black Masks require munitions in huge quantities. They never seem to be able to keep any cash on them, but the merchants don't mind (the IOUs are much more valuable than glass).

Paladins Causing Trouble:

1. Set is a young paladin eager to test her edge and her new equipment. It would be difficult to convince her not to accompany the party once she learns they are adventurers.

   Set: 1HD cleric, AC as leather, morale 9
   Movement: as human
   Morality: can't and won't lie (Chaotic Neutral)
   Attacks: one smallsword (+2 to-hit, 1d6 damage) or one pistol shot (+2 to-hit, 2d6 damage, must be reloaded). Targets impressive-looking enemies first.
   Spells: Hallow, Dispel, 1MD.
   

2. Rook and Balm are being punished with street-sweeping duty Rook is a hunchback who cannot swing a sword; Balm suffers from a complete speech impediment; both are fiercely devoted to Black Mask cause. They want Master Snow to return from a mission since he is the only one who can teach Rook how to use a halfpike. Have you seen him? Are you sure? Alright, I'll ask again next time I see you.
   
3. Corduroy is a sword-instructor and a historian. He knows the Sacerd style, and a few more techniques besides, and can teach them for a price. He will buy any magical swords outright for better-than-market-value.
   
4. Old Tom is a half-mad killer long past his prime. He wants to talk to you about the "Cornwallis Incident". If anyone asks, you know nothing about the Incident.
   
5. Kaisie is a sharpshooter struggling to walk under three braces of pistols. He can teach you how to use a gun, if you don't know how. Kaisie also wants to know which direction you came from and if you saw anyone displaying this symbol, he thinks it's maybe an eye?
   

   

   (It isn't an eye. If you are a Builder you know what the symbol means immediately.)

   
   
6. Vellum is an assassin and monster-hunter who ranges through the countryside fulfilling contracts for the locals. He is sworn to poverty, and will give you his share of the reward if you accompany him on one of those adventures. Unfortunately, Vellum tends to overestimate both himself and his companions.

   Vellum: 3HD cleric, AC as chain, morale 9
   Movement: as human
   Morality: can't and won't lie (Chaotic Neutral)
   Attacks: one smallsword (+3 to-hit, 1d6+1 damage, AND WE DROWN) or one pistol shot (+2 to-hit, 2d6 damage, must be reloaded). Sword rebounds mental effects 1/day.
   Spells: Hallow, Turn, Kindle, Pillar, 3MD.
   

Public Market

    Here the hawkers and the sellswords and the troublemakers congregate to argue and gossip and fight. It seems you can buy anything in Apostelene, except whatever you are actually looking for. Since the clerics form an effective monopsony on bulk equipment, the prices of small (party sized!) amounts fluctuate wildly but are usually high (check at dawn: they cost 1d6*.5 the normal amount). Any specific type of object a PC can name is available for 4x its normal price, at any time of day or night, no matter how unlikely.

The Road Out

    Apostelene shrinks in the east behind you. Before you lies hundreds of miles of rough wildlands broken only rarely with the degraded and debased remains of imperial power lost. And beyond those wildlands are the terrible mountains, which stretch their brooding forms over the western sea. As a child you were taught the Great Sage came out of that Hellish country to preach that Man was not abandoned by G_d, that there was hope yet, that a new age of struggle was only just beginning. Are you a believer in that new age, marching west to reclaim the waste-places of the world? Or are you another plunderer here to steal the boots and gold teeth of those who went before?

     However you answer there is a more immediately pressing question: whether you will find shelter before dusk, or be caught on the road by night and join the armies of the dead. Use what time you have to prepare. There are many sunsets waiting, if you are clever enough to see them.

Fish Stories (Zouave Expansion Pack)

The Zouave, by far my most popular post, has a mere 12 tall tales. This post will repair that grievous error with another dozen stories that may very well be true.

Source: The fisherman of Giant Octopus, by riolcrt

1. Anabasis. You were a marine on the pearl islands in the last days of the occupation. Your commander was killed in the withdrawal. With a hundred miles of rainforest before you, and a hundred-thousand vengeful cannibals behind, you walked without rest for days to reach the last boat out.
   
   You are not exhausted by forced marches, and your comrades are not affected by exhaustion until it kills them.
   
   
2. Escaped a Cave of Treasures. When you picked up that idol, the temple began to collapse. It seemed your only options were to abandon your gold or die with it — at least, that must have been the plan of the suckers who built the place.
   
   Your carrying capacity is doubled if you drop all your useful gear first.
   
   
3. Survived a Hanging. Never-mind what they hanged you for, it was all a misunderstanding anyway. They gave you too little rope, and so had to leave you to strangle. Three days later a friendly crow untied the knot and you were free once more.
   
   You can hold your breath for thrice as long. Additionally, if something would break your neck you miraculously survive instead.
   
   
4. Lived Among the Wild Hillmen. They dragged you from the battlefield and nursed you back to health. The drunkards who preached damnation were downright friendly, but the dog-faced men with scalpels were not.
   
   You are immune to agony, and have a huge horrible scar somewhere on your body where your skin (you swear!) was cut away.
   
   
5. Charmed by the Piper. She caught you bathing in a river and took you to her strange domain of tall grasses and deep tarns. A year and a day later, they found you on the road wearing only your hat and your gunbelt, squinting in the sunlight and surprised by every new face.
   
   NPCs who could plausibly be attracted to you will ignore their boring tasks in favor of small talk. For every language you speak, you can fake the poshest possible accent.
   
   
6. Eaten by a Leviathan. It swallowed the ship whole and for three days you dwelt in utter darkness. The others were dissolved, but you were spat back up with a new friend and a mission.
   
   You know an angel of your choice who you may command at zero dice (the effect of this needs to be negotiated with your DM).
   
   
7. Named "Sue". That name gave you the gravel in your guts and the scars on your face and the hate in your heart. Thanks for nothin', dad.
   
   Once per day, enter a rage as a barbarian. You gain three slots of exhaustion when you do this.
   
   
8. Used to be Rich. You had it all; a big house in town, servants, fine clothing, beautiful men and women hanging on your arms, and a dancing bear. Everything was going wonderfully, until a friend of yours came to you with an incredible ground-floor deal that would make both of you very rich.
   
   You technically own a mansion, but it is in a city at least 500 miles away from where your campaign starts and currently occupied by a gang of counterfeiters and their pet bear. If you started with any cash, you don't have it.
   
   
9. Met my Double. Looked just like you, with all your scars and all your little tics and your tone of voice and your way of walking. You loathed it immediately.
   
   Somewhere out there there is another Zouave people are always mistaking for you. When you are accused of a crime, there's a 2-in-6 chance blaming your double will get you out of it. When you enter town, there's a 2-in-6 chance of the Law showing up with a fistful of unpaid fines and a big stick.
   
   
10. Walked Through Fire. The castle burned as the invaders streamed through the shattered gates and the breaches in the walls. Great engines of war threw heavy stones and cannonballs down from above. All seemed lost, so you leapt out of a window to save yourself. You didn't see the king take an old ancestral blade from the wall, toss the crown aside, and charge headlong into the horde.
    
    If a party-member is unconscious or dying, you make every attack with advantage.
    
    
11. Survived a Massacre. Bullets streamed by your head, rockets lit up the night sky. All around you the bodies heaped up and the dead heads dropped from the swords that sever. You were struck by a piece of shrapnel and fell senseless in the gory mud, and somehow the victorious army passed you by. When you arose, everyone else was dead.
    
    If given a minute to find a hiding place, you are as difficult to find as a secret door.
    
    
12. I'd Tell You, but then I'd have to Kill You. You performed a... favor for someone or some... organization. You were... well compensated for it. You... can't really say more.
    
    Someone has rummaged around in your skull. You can always tell when another person has been similarly manipulated, or if they have been replaced by Somebody Else. You can tell when someone is following you by the prickling of the funny scar just above your hairline. You can even tell when the birds are spying on you — but this isn't particularly helpful, because almost all of them are.
    
    
13. Found the Dark Tower. It caught your eye there in that vast immanent desert beyond the savage jungles north of the sane lands, highlighted for a moment by the sun as you squinted at the monstrous hills it perched on. It was an ugly thing, cyclopean brown stone, squat, not particularly tall — hardly worth the trouble, in the end.
    
    When you die you cannot be resurrected and you will not rise as an undead. You are invisible to all forms of supernatural detection.
    
    
14. Granted a Wish. You saved a strange, powerful creature from a well, and to repay you he offered to grant any wish you asked of him.
    
    Roll three times on a mutation table. Fucking genies.
    
    
15. Gambled with a Devil. You didn't know she was a devil at the time, of course, because she had two little top hats she wore over her horns. And she was awfully good at dominoes and damned good at dice.
    
    When you roll a die and your result is a 7, immediately roll another die of the same size and add its value to the total.
    
    
16. Dropped Out of the Sky. It's a terrible thing to be up in the air. Ducks must feel so when their season starts, or clay pigeons as they fly. In an observation balloon there's nothing to do but pray no one looks up, or that those who do don't have rifles.
    
    You can always retrace your steps perfectly, even in darkness or while panicking, and you can't get lost in place you've had a good view of (say, from a mountaintop or a balloon).
    
    
17. Took Part in a Doomed Expedition. At the last possible moment, you turned back. Perhaps you begged the rest of them to do so as well. But they would not listen to you, and continued down the paths far from the sun — and they have not been heard from since. G_d-willing when they died they stayed dead.
    
    Once per day, your DM will warn you if you are about to do something truly monumentally stupid.
    
    
18. Did Not Commit any War Crimes. Really! Not even one. But some people don't understand the difference between auxiliaries, non-combat personnel and civilian advisors, just like they don't understand how hard it is to control a fire once someone else has lit it, or that, come on, if they were dead when you found them it's not like they were using those boots.
    
    You may nick something as a first-level Scavver.
    
    
19. Lynched a Wizard. After the third child disappeared the townsfolk pressed you into leading them against the tall spire of enchanted stone. They breached the door with felling-axes, slew the monsters inside with pitchforks, and buried the bodies they found with shovels. The Wizard died with his eyes on you, choking out your name.
    
    You suffer from a powerful curse. You are immune to healing spells and your blood glows in the dark. The curse clings to your soul so tightly that you are immune to other permanent magical effects, and you have an additional save against damaging spells which allow one.
    
    
20. Caught a Big Fish. The size of a house it was, with teeth like a man's arm! Its eyes were like mad portraits and its tail was thunder in the deep! It was thiiiiis big ✋         😳         🤚!
    
    You are a skilled liar; so skilled that you may replace this Tall Tale with any other of your choice.
    

Though He were Strong as Seven (GLOG Class: Monk)

    Is it a good idea to use a sacred art as a weapon? As a piece of showmanship? Perhaps it is no more profane than a paladin's blessed sword, or a cleric's angelic fire. Perhaps you will face no consequences.

Source: The Well of Souls by Lakandiwa

Class: Virtuous Saint

    You are a mendicant who practices the third divine art; that of Durability. For you, it is a method of redirecting force and performing incredible feats of strength. Discipline shows how paltry the world can be.
    For every template you have in this class, you gain +1 Move. You gain a Chi Die with every level. If you have at least one template from this class, you can never fumble while using staves, knives, flails or shortswords. You can wear light armor only.

Skills: 1. Demagoguery 2: Religious History 3. Forensic Accounting

Starting Gear: a loincloth (as unarmored), a wavy-bladed dagger (light), a pipe and ten doses of your favored herbs, and an object of doubtless religious significance (see below)

• A Durability, Breath Mantra, +1 HP
• B Karmic Flight, +1 to-hit
• C Parkaya Mantra, Dismiss the Form, +1 HP
• D Ashurparaka, Extra Attack

 

Durability
    You have a pool of CD, which are d8s, equal to your level. They are rolled like MD, returning to your pool on a 1–4, and refreshing every dawn. When attacking, roll any number of CD to add [dice] to your to-hit and damage. When performing a feat of strength or agility, roll any number of CD and add [best] to your d20's result. If using CD to fuel a feat you may perform it with any part of your body; grappling with your bare feet, dragging a heavy wagon by your braided hair, or balancing on the tip of a single fingernail.
Breath Mantra
    Track exhaustion, pain, insanity &c like anyone else, but ignore all effects of these until they actually kill you. If you have CD in your pool you can run at full speed with a missing leg or lift heavy objects normally with a missing arm.

Karmic Flight
    Cross your legs, close your eyes, and levitate up to [level]*10 feet into the air at will. This technique is an ancient secret, and betraying that secret has immediate consequences: if anyone sees you doing this, both you and they take [level]d6 damage, saving to halve. Someone reduced below 0 hitpoints by this damage is delivered into deathlike insensibility for [level] days but does not die. This effect works through wizard-eyes, clairvoyance, telepathic senses or any other form of remote viewing.

Parkaya Mantra
    Death is not more significant or meaningful than life. Roll CD as if they were MD to raise the dead. If you roll doubles or triples, your CD are lost and the raising fails.
Dismiss the Form
    The only thing that is real is the mind; the body is an affectation of the mind, as ribbons and jewels are affectations of young women. Roll any number of CD to transform into a caterpillar, raven or serpent for [dice] hours. Your stats change to match your new form, and the effect ends early if you take any damage.
    You may choose to instead halve or double your size up to [dice] times. This does not change your stats, and lasts indefinitely (but the CD are invested until you choose to end the effect).

Ashurparaka
    You have an indefinite number of karmic limbs and no longer need to physically touch objects within 5' to move them. When you roll your CD to fuel a feat of strength or agility, add [sum] to your d20 instead of [best]. Fire no longer hurts you, nor blades you hold in your own hands.

Objects of Doubtless Religious Significance

1. Wavy-Bladed Dagger. A handsome and reliable light weapon which comes with a white blade and black handle, a black blade and a white handle, or a blue blade and a yellow handle (depending on your preferences). ⅓rd slot.
   
2. Bead Rope. Wrapped around the waist a few times, it aids in counting prayers. 15' and easily climbed. ⅓rd slot.
   
3. Prayer Wheel. Automate your prayer life. The sight and sound of these wheels drive off unclean spirits. ⅓rd slot.
   
4. Crate of Dynamite. Contains a dozen sticks (1d6 damage, 10' blast radius, stacking). The crate is labeled CAUTION: FRAGILE GLASS. 4 slots.
   
5. Turtleshell Game. A simple game of bluffing and memorizing. The shells are marked, and you can always win if you wish.
   
6. A Cobra. Venomous, 2HD, quite affectionate. Contained in a clay pot. 1 slot.
   
7. An Owl. Powerful, 2HD, quite inquisitive. Contained in a tin cage. 1 slot.
   
8. Wavy-Bladed Sword. As the dagger, but medium. 1 slot.
   
9. Long Gun. 2d8 damage at a range of 60', -1 to-hit for every 20' after that. Takes two minutes to reload, and you must purchase the powder separately. 2 slots.
   
10. Incriminating Documents. You decide what person these pages incriminate.
    
11. Religious Texts. Cosmogony, agonism, strange histories. Preaching from these is a reliable way to draw a crowd. ⅓rd slot.
    
12. Heretical Texts. Cosmogony, agonism, strange histories. Preaching from these is a reliable way to be arrested and enough to be convicted. ⅓rd slot.
    
13. Bottle of delicious poison. Easily slipped into soups, candies and mild tea. Reduces constitution by 2d6 when ingested. Three doses.
    
14. 100' of silk rope. One slot.
    
15. Pick-a-nick Basket. Wicker, contains three perishable rations. 1 slot.
    
16. Cursed Papers. Little slips with strange symbols painted in colored ink. Post these around to let unclean spirits know who to target. Ten doses.
    
17. Patriotic Flag. You can wave it, if you want. 1 slot.
    
18. Banned Novel. Probably worth a lot of money to a collector of these things. ⅓rd slot.
    
19. Bottle of Laudanum. Removes pain and the memory of pain. Ten doses.
    
20. An oddity. Roll 1d6 on the following table:
    
    1. Clouded mirror. Reflects nothing, drips blood when you are in danger. ⅓rd slot.
       
    2. Two-part ring. Linked by a fine chain. When worn on one finger, that finger is as inflexible and sturdy as a steel spike. When worn on two, your grip is as steady as a vice.
       
    3. Golden Acorn. Planted, will grow into a golden oak.
       
    4. Salamander Scent. A crystal vial of the musk from a rare species of volcanic amphibian. Moderately priceless in the eyes of the Perfumers' Guild.
       
    5. Storm Rattle. Shaking at dawn has a 1-in-6 chance of bringing rain before noon. 1 slot.
       
    6. Broken Horn. From the head of a Queen in the northern jungles. Alchemists believe the the touch of this horn can cure disease. 1 slot.