Friday, September 17, 2021

Who, Whom, Why (GLOG Setting: Urban Fantasy/Wozerds)


    This post is a lightly-edited stream of consciousness I assembled from several discussions over the course of a few weeks (months? I have no sense of time) in the emergency-use-only double-premium 70% cacao GLOG server. If I were going to run this, I would write a sensible few pdf pages with actual rules (linked here when I write 'em), but before you read that I want you to follow along with this post. Feel the vibes, the mood, get into the headspace. Grimy urban-fantasy workaday warlocks. Hardboiled smalltimers in a city where it's always night.

Source: Harry Dresden, by thegryph.

SCREW DRESDEN FILES, PACT IS PRETTY COOL THOUGH


    Read a longform complaint about the Dresden Files. Brought up an interesting idea (which is, of course, not really explained or expanded upon in the Dresden Files) of wizards and magical types somehow consuming their emotions, using them as fuel for their magic.

     Harry Dresden is someone who, due to incomplete wizardly training, vacillates wildly between terror and irrational calm, or calm and irrational anger; thus the emotional-fuel explanation correlates closely with what we see happening on the page. Perhaps, as a wizard, you become grey and emotionless over the years. You become a caricature of yourself, as every part of your psyche not devoted to sorcery is sacrificed for sorcery's sake. Not DF canon, but interesting fanon extended to a logical conclusion.

    "Weird. Do certain spells consume certain emotions?"
    Perhaps. There's a suggestion in DF that evil magic somehow burns up your connection to others. Or, and here's the good part, that some magic is considered capital-E Evil because of the parts of your personality it eats. Mind control is bad, but the reason the wizards will kill you for using it is that it turns you into someone who can no longer consider it wrong. "Time travel" keeps coming up in the books whenever people list evil dark magic, without any real explanation. Why is it bad to travel through time? What does it cost you that makes wizard society write you off as a lich? it doesn't seem inherently harmful — ponder this, come up with something interesting. I bet it's better than the DF lore.


    Wozerds have a defining emotion. Something they tend towards, in a vacuum. Dresden gets angry and he uses that anger to fuel his magic. When he's too weak to do something? That pisses him off, so he becomes stronger. This is portrayed as a good thing because his author is a hack fraud. Consistent heroic arc of him being the stinkiest gorilla in the cage.


WHERE DOES POWER COME FROM?



    In the excellent web-serial Pact, from all sorts of places. Wizards ("practitioners", in-universe) can draw from, spooks and such, goblin goons, time, fairies, divine sponsorship, demon traffick, elements, potions, weapons, ghosts... I dunno. Go read it if you're interested.

     When push comes to shove, Harry Dresden whips out the fire; that's his preferred element. It's a good match for him, emotionally. He can always depend on it to fuck up whatever is giving him a little bit of trouble this week. Other wizards presumably have other favored elements, and I've chosen to correspond those to the eight Pritchard emotions. Everything a human feels is a combination of these (according to his stupid model).

     The Disgust wizard, with a condescending sneer on his face and in his heart. Black, poisonous ink comes to him naturally, spreading across the floor and up the walls, marking his surroundings, driving off the undeserving.
    Trust, silk. He believes the bridge will hold his weight and it does. His friends won't fail him and they don't. Wrapped in sturdy threads, his friends won't fail him, therefore they don't.
    Amazement wizards. A flash of insight. A crackling lightning bolt.

     Does this track with Dresden? Well, he has wild and unexplained mood swings. The author presumably thinks is Macho, but it can be interpreted as Harry (our narrator) not wanting to confront his addiction to emotional damage. Why confront your fear when you can eat it, and turn it into a fireball?

    "I think Vigilance deals with the very near future, right before shit happens. Always ready, always anticipating, and then the Vigilance goes away. Waves of paranoia and serenity?"

     "Hmm. If you use your emotions to power your spells, wouldn't you be skewed toward the opposite end? Rage wizard slowly losing their anger?"
    Exactly, which we see with Dresden. fear, irrational calm. calm, irrational anger.
    "But a normal person is capable of all the vibrant colors. Does a wizard exist in the colors minus the one they cast with? Do they spend more time in the color diametrically opposed to their casting color?"
    Ah: a normal person is capable of all the colors, a wizard was capable of all the colors but burns most of them up in casting. Their defining emotion is the one they return to after losing everything else, is the idea.

  • Rage: fire (directed, destructive)
  • Disgust: ink (poison, corrosive)
  • Sadness: ice (defensive, absorbing)
  • Amazement: lightning (bright, electric)
  • Fear: wind (howling, incorporeal)
  • Trust: silk (strong, binding)
  • Joy: music (effective, insidious)
  • Vigilance: paper (warning, informing)

Counterclockwise, from Rage.

    Wizards burn their self down, end up in the middle, and then gravitate towards their "thing". Old wizards basically only experience neutral tranquility and the extremes of their defining emotion, since the rest of their emotions are used up.

     Of course, individual wizards have their own spin on things, their own emotional timbre. Dresden is an ass, more gorilla than man, and his fire is ruby-red and hungry. It destroys things that were stupid enough to cross him. Maybe your Rage wizard is a righteous type, and his fire is smokeless and blindingly brilliant, driving away shadows. Or maybe you're a sullen angry sort, closer to the Disgust side of anger. Your fire is sticky, slow, foul. Its smoke stains the clouds with greasy soot and the smell of garbage.

    Lots of details about DF are almost interesting. Wizards are oldschool because they kill technology, their magic gives them a troublesome aura, that's good. But it's not plot-relevant! It's just an excuse for humorous contrivances and sympathy-inducing inconveniences, none of which have any effect on the story! What about a magical-power stat? Measures how much of a wizard you are. When you need to use a delicate electronic (like a cellphone), X-in-20 chance it just immediately fries.

    "X-in-20 chance also implies 'With a minute or two of futzing and muttering, you can fry any delicate electronic', which is the sort of minor class feature you give to full spellcasters"
    That's another thing that should come up more often in DF but doesn't. I think a deliberate attempt to fry someone's gizmos happens once, and every other time it happens it's just comic relief.


     Other things wizards can do:
  • Swear binding contracts on their own name.
  • Insist on being taken seriously by Elder Things (no obligation, but they can still insist).
  • Charge up the batteries in magical doodads.
  • Look into someone's eyes and see their soul (usually an awful idea, doubly so since they can see yours).
  • Switch on Wozerd Vision to reveal magic and Hidden Stuff (usually an awful idea, since you can't forget what you've seen, and some of them don't want to be seen).
  • Live a long time unless they die.
    This is what being a wizard gives you. Education on things like rituals and spells and negotiating with demons, those are things you must learn.



    What goes on a wizard's character sheet?
    His six derived stats, g20 style. His... number of MD? Is this MD based? Power? Defining element/emotion, of course. We'll figure out the rest.

    Another detail, stolen as much from Pact wizards as DF ones: wizard gear gets better with age. New stuff melts in their hands, old stuff becomes heavy with significance. "If new stuff melts in their hands, how do they get old stuff?"
    By buying second-hand. Wozerds do lots of thrifting.

    I suppose things like plant/animal fiber cloth, wax candles, and suchlike don't count as "new" stuff. So organic materials get something of a pass — though maybe not for all wizards. Now I'm imagining a necromancer who just kills anything near him younger than a few years. Animals, insects, children, trees. The grass wilting as he passes because his antiquity-aura is too powerful and too hostile.

     A section on the sheet dedicated to Rivals. Opposite alignment, preferably? If supernatural favor is something that can be spent as a resource, supernatural enmity should be as well.

    Other thoughts on equipment: wizards like them a nice tall hat, and lumpy wool robes. Breaks up the silhouette, and insulates from fire. Handy when fighting a big demon thing half-blinded by sunlight.
    "Hats are serious business. They sit on top of the seat of your power, insulating your crackling, fizzing brainmatter."
    Yes, you can hide a crown in there, or a diadem, or a spare wand, or a familiar... Ah, of course. on the wizard character sheet: Implements, Domain and Familiar.

The kinds of things a wizard is concerned with. Note the spikes around the name, to protect it from elfs.

   
     Another idea in Pact, present but not really explored in DF: magical beings need to follow more rules than normal humans. The more magic you are, the less yourself you are. In Pact they're explicitly bound by rules, while in DF it's more of a corruption thing. Internal, rather than external Either way: less of a person, more of a force.

    Most people get up to 4MD without sacrificing too much. Beyond that, you need a few Taboos, a few Deals. Promise to Bwbch, the Scarecrow-Demon, to destroy every bird you can, +1MD. Swear to the universe that you'll never get caught lying, +1MD. That sort of thing.

    As an aside (as if this whole post wasn't already an aside), the greatest part of Pact are the caster classes.
    "I'm a 'wizard', but I don't cast any spells. Everything it looks like I'm doing with magic is actually done by the army of horrible goblins who consider me their queen."
    "I'm a 'wizard', but I don't cast any spells. Instead I'm incredibly haunted by 1,000,000 ghosts and bad things just happen in my presence. The only difference between me and a muggle is that I was ready for the poltergeist shit."
    "I'm a 'wizard', but all my spells get poured into the family's store of Time Magic, and I'm limited to tricking the universe into thinking I can see the future (which sort-of works if I talk fast and nobody actually checks)."

    Many strange sources.

    Potions? Surely some wozerds get their powers from potions. The most exciting bit of alchemy I've recently seen is an unreleased Steam game (with a great demo) called Potion Craft. In it, brewing potions is depicted as navigating a literal map of the conceptual space. It's a compelling visual, representing alchemy experiments as forays into unexplored territory. Hic svnt dracone.

Each ingredient moves you a certain distance in a certain direction, sometimes following a certain pattern of movement. Potions are points of interest on the map, and dead-zones spoil your potion when you enter them.


    Of course, exactly copying this without a computer is hard. I don't want to challenge a computer game on the battlefield of "lots of simple but tedious math done many many times"; D&D 4e tried that and lost (Oh-ho!). I prefer fights where my victory is assured.

    The most interesting part of Potion Craft is the solution it immediately proposes to the Alchemy Problem (for those who have a genius-brain like myself). For those who are unfamiliar, and unwilling to click the link I just shared, you fucking imbeciles, the Alchemy Problem is one of how to present stuff-based supernatural powers. Consider the following possibilities:
  • A potion is pretty much a spell. An Alchemist can chuck X numbers of Y potions per day, every day, regardless of how much material they have (or don't have).
  • A potion is an object you can make, given enough money. An Alchemist PC's power level is directly tied to how much cash the DM hands out. There's no other factor: an Alchemist with twice as much money has twice as many potions, and that's that.
  • A potion is an object you can make, given enough time. An Alchemist PC's power level is directly tied to how much downtime the DM included in the campaign. There's no other factor: if the DM gives you no time between adventures, you never have potions. If the DM gives you a few months between adventures, you have infinity potions.
  • A potion is an object you can make, but it takes up inventory space. As soon as you get a cart and a mule, or a bag of holding, or a street urchin, you have infinity potions.
    And if you're of a DM-minded bent, you'll have seen this problem pop up in regards to magic item crafting, sci-fi gadget development, McGyvering rules, &c. All of these possibilities leave something to be desired.

    Alchemy as a map, an Al-Chemic Realm of sorts, is such a cool solution. "If I know how to make a potion or a bomb or whatever, why don't I just mass produce it and have as many as I want, cash allowing?"
    You could, and you should, because the territory shifts over time. Passages through the mountains are closed off by winter storms, as it were. Lakes freeze over. What was a source of Water Breathing Potion is now a frosty step on the path to High Explosive Potion. Segments of the map might flip, rotate, translate, invert. This is why alchemists harvest certain plants only during the full moon.

IMPLEMENTS, DOMAINS, FAMILIARS, EXPERIENCE POINTS (POINTS OF EXPERIENCE!)


    Emotions are but fuel. A wizard is only as powerful as their machines; without machines, setting off fuel mostly just produces smoke.

     Vague idea for progression mechanic: make people write down experiences of their PC on the big octagram. Like, memories with emotional baggage? And you burn those memories to fuel spells.
    I've read games where XP is a resource you get a few points of every session, which you immediately invest in stuff. And that feels appropriate for ritual magic. Literally investing your experiences into magical rituals, to get... jump boot, big zoom magick glasses, wand (cool stick).

    But a less abstract XP system (literal experiences that the character goes through) requires a more abstract allotment setup. Who decides what memories are an "experience"? Does every scene count? Then it's entirely out of the player's hands. They get XP proportional to how much attention the DM gives them — which, if they're using XP to make gadgets and spells, is a degenerate system. People with less XP get less XP, since they have less to do.

     Then perhaps the DM decides one, two, three points per session (or thereabouts, i don't know, i haven't figured out what you're spending XP on yet), and every player writes down one, two, three experiences the character had. they don't determine how many, but they get to pick which ones mattered

    Hmm.

    That's almost... character-building. Almost seems like a cool idea.
    And it works just fine if the player is "gaming" it. If they decide that they want a lot of Fear Experiences, to make the extremely cool Fear-Based Gear, then... that's the character's takeaway. When they look back on their memories of that adventure, what they most remember is the fear.
     And perhaps the table gets a soft veto; you can't be "disgusted" at a memory of being hit by a car because you're racist against car drivers — unless you established that part of your character beforehand. Ideally the player is thinking about that during the session, so they roleplay being racist to cars at some point, and then we all know the character's racist to car drivers. When the player is stretching things, interpreting innocuous things as Disgust, or going out of their way to be confronted by Disgusting experiences, then the character is experiencing Disgust. That's their natural tendency, to find flaws in things, to feel Disgust.

    Perhaps you can always derive your natural emotion from a memory, even if it doesn't make a lot of sense? If you're just an angry person, you can get angry about lemonade stands or getting hit with a car. "How dare that piece of shit hit me with a car. When I catch him, I'm going to jam him into an industrial box-packager feet first... ooh I'm getting worked up just thinking about cars... grrr..."


    Anyway, Domains are places you can influence (like a clubhouse whose physics you control), Familiars are creatures who do your bidding (or maybe you do theirs, it can get complicated), and Implements cast spells (you can also just blast things with your chosen element, I guess). All of these are maintained, fed, created by and with and for XP.

    "So do Domains have to like, resonate with their favoured emotion? Vigilance guy needs a tall tower, Rage guy needs access to mass media, &c"
    They can be influenced by other memories, I think? Say, you can invest your carefully-stockpiled Rage memories, even if you're by nature a Sad boy, to get an angry fiery Domain. But you're going to be patching the bits in between with sadness. Wherever the cracks show, the ice will shine through.

    "So the optimal Domain has a balance of all emotions?"
    That would be wise. You want things that resonate with different emotions, but also a strong defensible position which resonate with your natural emotions. The Domain must be small enough that you don't step on anyone else's toes, but also big enough to give you space for projects, and to be worth the trouble of maintaining.

    Imagine a Fear wizard who lives in a shitty apartment with a psychotic crack-dealing murderer landlord, so as to have Fear close at hand. Their Domain spreads out from there; perhaps self-reinforcing — as more of the shitty apartment becomes theirs, more tenants leave in a fright, making the building lonelier and darker and quieter. More fearsome, more fearful.


     Wozerds incapable of feeling certain emotions, opposing their natural element? Like D&D wizards and school restrictions? A Rage wizard is not emotionally capable of backing down (fear is another reason to get mad). A Sad wizard can't feel happy about things (even pleasant experiences are ruined with ennui or regret at missed opportunities), a Vigilant wizard can't ever really be surprised (each new emotion another variable in a clockwork life), an Amazed wizard keeps losing focus (he's permanently damaged his ability to care for sixty straight seconds).

    This suggests a mechanic where you can turn your missing emotion into bonus XP. Say, a Rage wizard can get two points of Rage by considering the time they almost got spooked, or a Vigilance wizard can be driven into a fit of paranoid narcissism by thinking of when they were almost caught off guard. Bonus XP, but some sort of negative consequences? There's always a price to pay. What happens to you when you've got an important feeling which you can neither process nor address?


STATISTICS


  • FLESH — Literal physical integrity. Those with more flesh are more sturdy. Why can you fall a farther distance without injury? Because your bones and joints are tougher. A starting character has 6 flesh.
  • KARMA — How rightly you sit with the universe. Those with less karma are more unfortunate; coins and cards turn up against them; strangers are less friendly; random chance tilts in their enemies' favor. Add up every stat bonus/malus. The sum is your starting KARMA.
  • TOWER — How high you dwell above the common man. Those who tower above him have more inherent magic, and need rely less on ritual and tools. More inherent magic isn't always a benefit, as it interferes with electronics and binds you tighter to the Laws. Anyone capable of magic (which is every PC) starts with at least 1 TOWER.
 
  • DMND (CON/STR) to do something physically demanding, kick down doors, knock over foes, free yourself from restraints
  • WAND (STR/XHA) to call up what you can't put down, go where you're not allowed, do what you shouldn't
  • CRCL (XHA/INT) to contact a friend, exploit social connections, call in favors, lay down bindings before a demon eats you
  • GRIM (INT/WIS) to interpret a grimoire, understand a contract, reach the center of a maze, detect magic
  • HNDL (WIS/DEX) to ride a motorcycle, drive a car, shoot a werewolf, duck into a refrigerator when a grenade goes off
  • WELL (DEX/CON) to control yourself, avoid madness, dismiss possession, trust your own ability to survive, hide in a well


BIBLIOGRAPHY (AND VIBES)

Thursday, August 26, 2021

De Luminaria Minima Caelestis Hierarchiae, Or: The Angels We Don't Use Any More

     Perhaps you've encountered clerics in your travels, or perhaps you are one yourself. No doubt you've heard of or studied from the Young Cleric's Illustrated Primer or other sources. Angels are the tools the g_ds used for creation. While most are scattered, or lost, the ones that heeded the call of Aeshe (pbuh) now serve those who wear the Masks and follow the Tenets. Some of them — with names like Heal, Examine Self or Zone of Truth — are powerful tools and miracles.

    But there are others.

Source: Jack Chick

Angels We Don't Use Any More


    Many of these angels are associated with Red Heresy, which is reason enough to keep them under lock-and-key. Most are too niche in application for the average cleric to seek their company. Most are too dangerous to be practical.

Make Dog
R: 30' T: one living non-plant D: permanent until dispelled by a [dice] MD counterspell.
She is tall and gaunt, and wears only a white coat and a pair of jeweler's loupes.
    If [sum] is higher than target's current HP, target saves or turns into a Really Good Dog of equal level. They may choose to fail this save. Any damage they had sustained is immediately healed.
    Useful in combat only to disrupt command lines; a fresh 4HD Really Good Dog is rarely welcome in a close fight. In most circumstances, a damaging angel is preferable. She saw limited use as an exotic form of punishment by the early Black Mask Clerics. Her usage eventually declined due to ethical concerns, and the undeniable fact that nooses are much more convenient. 

Reality Break
R: 60' T: a thinking creature D: immediate
She is invisible except for heavy, six-toed footprints. She is inaudible except for her constant giggling.
    Target is gripped by awful madness unless they pass a save. If [best] is a 1, 2 or 3 their madness consists of a horrible, true vision of the future, which consumes all their senses. At 4 or 5, they scream until their throat fills with blood, and all who can hear them take [sum] fire damage. If [best] is 6, everything and everyone within 120' is taken somewhere else.
    An unpleasant way to die! Assuming that those who disappear are killed. The alternative is probably worse.

Permanently Delayed Blast Fireball
R: unlimited T: a point in space you can see D: permanent until dispelled by a [dice] MD counterspell.
She is short, matronly, and appears to perpetually be nodding off.
    Waits at the targeted point until dispelled or otherwise disrupted, at which point she causes a massive explosion for [sum] damage to everything within [dice]*50'.
    It is believed at least three Permanently Delayed Blast Fireballs are waiting on the surface of the sun, two are stranded at the bottom of the ocean, and two are on or inside or beyond the star known as Mercy's Gate (depending on if the star is, indeed, a gate, and if it is open). Use has been banned since 1787 on moral grounds.

True Strike
R: n/a T: self D: 10 minutes
Her shoulders are wide and her hands are crooked and strong. Marches to an unheard tune, occasionally mimes playing. Afraid of insects.
    Seizes caster bodily and directions their movements for the duration. Add [sum] to all attacks for both to-hit and damage, but your own AC is reduced to [dice].
     Though probably helpful as part of a last stand, or otherwise when your own death is certain, the opportunity cost of keeping her prepared is very high. Famously used by Nosam as he reclaimed Apostelene. You are not Nosam, and you will die if you try to imitate him.

Locate Traps
R: n/a T: self D: 10 minutes
She wears heavy clothes and a dust mask, and twirls a fifty-pound digging bar like a pencil.
    Identifies "traps" within [dice]*10' of you and smashes them as if with a heavy blunt object. "Traps" are here incompletely defined as things which can hurt you unexpectedly, were designed to do so, haven't been noticed by you yet, and Locate Traps doesn't consider a "weapon".
    An inexpert demolitionist was always a risky choice, but she was still in wide use before the invention of the anti-personnel landmine. Invariably hilarious as a companion.

Music
R: n/a T: self D: 24 hours
She wears a drum, pair of cymbals, sitar, elbow-pipes and harmonica strapped to her body. Looks exhausted all of the time.
    Produces loud music with [dice] instruments of her choice. Tries to play tunes appropriate to the current situation. Cannot be persuaded to stop.
    While only audible to civilians after being cast, she is constantly audible to supernal senses. Better clerics than you have been driven to madness by the BA-dum-tss-BA-dum-tss-BA-dum-tss-BA-dum-tss-BA-dum-tss-BA-dum-tss-BA-dum-tss-BA-dum-tss-BA-dum-tss-BA-dum-tss-BA-dum-tss-BA-dum-tss-BA-dum-tss-BA-dum-tss-BA-dum-tss-BA-dum-tss-BA-dum-tss-BA-dum-tss-BA-dum-tss-BA-dum-tss-BA-dum-tss-BA-dum-tss-BA-dum-tss-BA-dum-tss-BA-dum-tss-BA-dum-tss of her step.

Shatter
R: 30' T: a spherical volume 300' in radius D: instant
    She resembles a young woman when viewed from one angle, and a silhouette when viewed from any other.
    Produces a sound like the end of the world. If you were expecting it, choose two of the following effects:
  • Eardrums burst.
  • Teeth explode for [dice] damage.
  • Flung 20' in a random direction (including straight up and straight down).
  • Shit your pants, fall over.
  • Blinded for 10 minutes.
    If you weren't expecting it, suffer everything. Inanimate objects are destroyed as if by dynamite. Constructs or inorganic creatures suffer [sum]*[best] damage.
     A deeply unpleasant experience, unless you're already old and toothless and deaf. Her efficacy against fortifications are undeniable. The consequences of using her in a populated area are unconscionable. Old-fashioned sapping can achieve similar results with less collateral damage.

Finger of Death
R: touch T: a living creature D: instant
Her eyes are haunted, her cigarette is bent in the middle, and her camo gear is muddy and torn.
    If [sum] is higher than target's HP they die, no save. Their veins burst with black tar, and their corpse immediately rises as a loyal and powerful undead.
    As the souls of the undead are trapped in their decaying bodies, the Black Mask clerics consider this angel to practice mental domination, and therefore slavery. They will hunt you to the edge of the world.

Conjure Fey
R: n/a T: n/a D: n/a
Large bite marks have been taken out of her body, like a gingerbread woman. She watches you with a constant smile.
    It is not immediately obvious what happens when she takes your MD and runs away. She returns within [dice] minutes with an object, typically useful, typically valuable in proportion to MD invested. These MD only return when you lay the object down and look away long enough that it disappears.
    While circumstantially helpful, many respected clerics have suggested there might be consequences for... whatever it is she's doing. Her refusal to explain herself certainly doesn't inspire confidence.

Witch Bolt
R: 30' T: a creature D: [dice] rounds.
Her arms twist like the limbs of an old tree and are green with mosses. Her hair is full of mushrooms, and her eyes have fallen back into her skull.
    Gesture threateningly, and you are bound to the target by a tether of crackling lightning. Once per round, target saves or takes the damage of one [die] in the order rolled. If one of you attempts to break the tether (it's not much sturdier than twine), take all remaining [sum] as damage immediately, no save.
    Despite her effectiveness against enemies who are attempting to flee, she has never been a popular companion. Superstition holds that those who look upon her face directly will die. This is true. Everyone will die, eventually, except for Nosam.


Friday, August 13, 2021

A Catalogue Found in a Bus Stop in Karok, CA




     The following is a transcript of a document obtained in late 2001. Also obtained at that time were a severed human hand, three human teeth, and a set of keys for a nearby Honda Accord. For a list of items recovered from the vehicle, see addendum BA-2001-OS25. If you believe you received this transcript in error: shut off your device, exit the building, lie face down with your hands behind your head and wait for a recovery team.


Dear ________,
    In response to repeated inquiries, the Committee would like to clarify that recent events will not affect our schedule. The Black Auction of 2001 will be held on floor 107 of 2 WTC. Guests who anticipate difficulty in reaching or perceiving this floor are strongly encouraged to accompany guests who do not.
    Nightlife is not expected to be significantly disrupted, but the safety and comfort of all guests is our highest priority. The Committee has made arrangements with a local restaurants to provide catering for guests who wish to remain in the relative safety of the auction site. As Dorsia is always busiest around the Solstice, they have requested that guests with dietary restrictions contact them at least six weeks in advance.
    As usual, a partial and provisional catalog has been enclosed for your examination. With the death of the Invisible Hand of the Market, certain special-reserve items will be available for the first time in this history; we trust you anticipate the first Auction of the new millennium as much as we anticipate your patronage.

Yours in confidence,
    The Black Auction Committee
    September 15th, 2001




LOT 1. ONE HUNDRED BILLION DEAD

    A VHS cassette containing at least 1,500,000,000 kilometers of magnetic tape at the time of writing. The video consists of a set of repeated actions; an unidentified male narrator places the camera before an open grave, deposits a corpse shrouded with a black trash bag, and begins to bury it while making occasional comments on its life. These comments are usually positive, though he will complain of overwork if the interred was responsible for the loss of human life. After ten minutes and the completion of the burial, the narrator moves the camera several meters to the left and begins again. As the video depicts the burial of every human who has ever died, the tape grows longer faster than normal playing speed.


LOT 3. ANYTHING

    A single request, to be fulfilled by an individual identifying himself as Vernon. He has indicated willingness to fetch objects, recover information, kill specified targets or "anything you want" [sic]. The Committee cannot guarantee he is capable of fulfilling these requests, but can confirm that since his appearance in our offices no attempts to remove him have succeeded, due to equipment failure, sudden weather catastrophe, or previously unknown medical conditions in security personnel. At the request of the item, bidding will begin at $786.00 and does not include his bottle. 


LOT 5. SERIAL KILLER PROFILE

    A document produced in 1975 by John E. Douglas, an FBI profiler. It lists a set of factors which predict an individual will become a serial killer; these include obsession with firestarting, sexual abuse at an early age, and violence towards animals. Certain entries (such as participation in the furry community, enthusiasm for riddles, and a preference for non-digital watches) were erased from the list during the examination of this item. Correspondingly, these factors no longer correlate with serial murder. All entries are written in pencil and can be easily edited, save for "PEES THE BED — HAHA", which is marked in blue ink.


LOT 8. THE OTHER CARCANO

     A 6.5mm rifle of Italian manufacture. This is the firearm used by Rafael Cruz in the assassination of then-President John F. Kennedy in 1961. A similar firearm was used by Lee Harvey Oswald in the murder of Kennedy's body double, but that is now believed to be a coincidence.


LOT 16. FIRST NEW DRAFT

    American author Frank Herbert's first typewritten draft for a sword-and-sandals fantasy epic called The New Testament, heavily influenced by Herbert's Jesuit education and the multiple perspectives of the film Rashomon. The story follows a messiah-figure named Jesus Abu Yahweh who founds a revolutionary society in 1st-century Rome and is eventually betrayed by one of his own lieutenants. Herbert grew to dislike this project and repurposed most of the material for his better-known Dune series; the early draft eventually became the Christian religion. While the bulk of the novel remained unchanged, the original Jesus was much more explicitly supernatural, and his Twelve Apostles featured more prominently and had more developed backstories.


LOT 17. TOO MUCH FOR ONE BRAIN

    A revivification machine containing the nervous system, heart, lungs and mouth of the thirteen-year-old Alexander Engel Huber. At the time of his death in 1942, he was fluent in his native German and seventeen other languages. He had an intuitive mastery of algebra, calculus, molecular biology, cryptography, quantum physics, and several fields not known to current science. When activated, the machinery is capable of interpreting his screams of pain as answers to questions. In the time since his death he has become intimately familiar with the seven Hells of the Celestial Bureaucracy, and can provide answers about his interrogator's place in the universe.


LOT 41. ONE YEAR OF LIFE

    One year of healthy adult human life, sourced from a cruelty-free farm in Cambodia. Six-hundred units will be available. Do not take with alcohol or while operating heavy machinery.


LOT 42. THE MOST TERRIFYING THING EVER PUT ON PAPER

    A copy of the second printing of Tanio Akisabi's 1986 novel Hellskin. The author committed seppuku in protest of the Japanese government's thorough expurgation of his first printing. Though only ⅓rd the length, the second printing is terrifying enough to permanently destroy the reader's ability to feel fear from any other source. Suitable for personal use or as a training aid for security personnel.


LOT 45. NOVELTY KEYRING

    A keyring in the shape of an 8-ball with four carefully-labeled keys, along with associated documentation. These keys were the property of Charles Prifti, an American student, until his untimely death in 1998. When these keys are used to unlock a door on Earth, it will open onto a random door in an alternate Earth. After obtaining these keys from an unknown predecessor Prifti explored these alternate Earths extensively and left several volumes of notes for his presumed successors.
  • VORE WORLD — Diverges from baseline reality at least before 800 A.D.
        After a meteor impact in the eastern Mediterranean vaporizes the Classical World and leaves most of western and central Asia irradiated wasteland, a rising Nahuatl-speaking empire conquers the Americas and eventually makes its way to Africa. Access to previously untapped human resources leads to a population explosion and a strict racial hierarchy, with noble-blooded Mexica at the top, the Yoruba tribe comprising a priestly caste (due to a misunderstanding derived from their dark skin), common Mexica and all other Africans as a lower class (whose communities must provide yearly tributes of human meat), and the irradiated and mutated descendants of undifferentiated Eurasian peoples (as livestock or wild game, freely hunted by all other castes).

  • COWGIRL WORLD — Diverges from baseline reality at least before 4004 B.C.
       After the death of YHWH, and following the absence of the historically-attested worldwide Noahide Flood, humanity develops in a world with less than one-one-thousandth the volume of water as ours. Society is far more wicked and depraved in this timeline, which may be of interest to some patrons. All major communities are built near a water source and are dominated by superhuman Nephilim. They are opposed by a scattered handful of gunslinging vigilantes armed with enchanted revolvers forged from the bones of G_d.

  • FEMDOM WORLD — Diverges from baseline reality at least before 400,000,000 y.b.p
        Despite the earliest documented divergence point of any of the worlds, and a complete inversion of gender roles across all species, history follows an identical path until Gaia Julia Caesar successfully fends off her assassins by transforming into a werewolf. In modern times the earth is dominated by a global fascist superstate of Latin-speaking wolf-women. Prifti discovered several details which indicate development of this world was intelligently directed:
    1. Alternate history corresponds to our own on more key points than can be predicted with even the strong Blue Stoplight Effect.
    2. The immortal Imperatrix of Roma has invented several novel methods of entering and conquering nearby universes, in contrast to the early-industrial technological level of her world.
    3. Worryingly, the Latrodectus genus of spiders (the Black Widowers) bear red markings resembling the English words "HELLO CHARLES".

  • MINDBREAK WORLD — Diverges from baseline reality an unknown length of time ago.
        Those who open a door to this world feel a strong desire to leave behind all physical possessions and enter it. Neither Charles Prifti nor any of his predecessors have been recovered after entering this world. For this reason, the Committee requests all payments for this item be made before delivery of the item.


LOT 46. IMPRACTICALITY

    A perfect (all words in major dictionaries, uncapitalized and unpunctuated) 14-square, the first word of which is "impracticality". It is, in addition, palindromic; but the final word resembles the name of a certain entity who objects to its casual use. You are strongly encouraged to neither consider this name for extended periods of time nor write it on any material besides lead ceramic.


LOT 50. CLUB MEMBERSHIP

    A rare opportunity to join the ranks of the historic Old Berkeley Hunting Club. This is simply an opportunity; the application process is the responsibility of the prospective member. The Hunting Club expects applicants to be familiar with all club regulations, to own their own rifle, and to be ready to declare under Melbourne Rules (hunting dangerous game), London Rules (hunting expendable game) or Boston Rules (hunting game who deserve it).


LOT 51. MORCOM MACHINE

    An abstract machine which operates on a sequence of symbols according to the rules of a unique philosophy of mathematics human civilization did not pursue. Vast axiomatic differences make certain impossible problems easy, or vice versa: under this philosophy, P=NP, the Collatz Conjecture can be trivially disproved with basic arithmetic, and major kabbalistic techniques are impossible to operate. Cryptography is also impossible, not only because P=NP but also because numbers actively defend themselves from attempts at obfuscation.


LOT 60. YOU

    You! Yes, we know you lifted our catalogue from the pocket of one of our less-experienced patrons. Yes, we can see you, sitting in the third row from the front on the right-hand side of that Greyhound bus. Yes, the bidding has already begun. You will find a loaded gun and a suit of body armor underneath your seat. The Committee requests, for the entertainment of our patrons, that you try to run.

Wednesday, June 23, 2021

The Character of the Terrible (GLOG Class: Specialist)

    There are one-hundred and seven stars in the night sky (there were one-hundred and eight, but one of them is hiding). They are arranged into eleven constellations with nine stars each, and one unfortunate constellation with only eight. Each constellation governs a facet of life and each of their component stars governs a facet of that constellation. In Ages past emperors allowed the stars to govern their lives, and much was entrusted to the those who considered them; but in this age of strife Heaven is pitiless and the stars send down only evil fates.

Source: Misfortune by bundleofblues


Class: Considerer


    You are, G_d forgive you, one who is marked to live an interesting life. Far have you fallen, son of Saul! The king has forgotten you! No longer are you a prophet, but merely a diviner, and probably named "Mommy Fortuna". Practitioners of your lesser art keep to themselves and rarely interact — too hard to keep your stories straight, and you serve as constant reminders to one another of how far your order has fallen.
    You may wear light armor and use shields. You never fumble with crystal balls, bottles, scrap metal or knives.

Skills: 1. Legitimate astronomy 2. Exotic animal care 3. Wagon repair

Starting Gear: a crystal ball (see equipment list), a voluminous spooky cloak, 5 out-of-date gold coins, and a piece of divination tools of your choice.

  • A Starcharts, +1 to-hit
  • B Revelations, +1 HP
  • C Careful Study, +1 AC
  • D Foreknowledge, +1 HP

Starcharts
    You have an insight into your future and your own fate. When events are left up to chance and dice are rolled (that is, intelligent hostility might still interfere), results which would contradict your insight are discarded — and like all good fortune-tellers, you cheat. After a night of stargazing, choose one of the following:
  1. Constellation: the Child.
    Insight: silence, watchfulness. You will leave no tracks. Those you do not speak to will not remember your presence. Attempts to locate or reveal your hiding places will fail.
  2. Constellation: the Elder.
    Insight: acrobatics, applause. You will not fall. You will receive the attention you deserve.
  3. Constellation: the Skull.
    Insight: confrontation, conclusion. You will know when you are being lied to. Any attempts to uncover a secret thing in your presence will succeed.
  4. Constellation: the Snake.
    Insight: betrayal, preparation. When you reach your hand out you will seize the hilt of an invisible medium sword. The sword deals 2d6 damage the first time it hits something, and 1d6 afterwards. Ten minutes of cleaning and sharpening will restore its edge.
  5. Constellation: the Dog.
    Insight: faith, implacability. You will have a clear goal in mind. While tailing someone or following their fresh tracks, attempts to impede you will fail.
  6. Constellation: the Dancing Girl.
    Insight: agelessness, purity. Miraculously, you will survive poison. You will not need food or drink or air while your eyes are closed and your legs are folded.
  7. Constellation: a Crown.
    Insight: a corpse spilling its rot over a dusty throne. People without reason to believe otherwise accept your authority. You will not be publicly humiliated
  8. Constellation: a Tower.
    Insight: something on a hill blocking out the sun. Successful attacks in your presence will be critical, and misses will be fumbled. Catastrophe will follow catastrophe.
  9. Constellation: an Eye.
    Insight: a noose swinging from a lamppost in the darkness. You will know when a promise made to you is broken. You will not be surprised.
  10. Constellation: a Lantern.
    Insight: a weird light where there should be no light. You have supernal vision as a cleric. Given the choice, spells prefer to harm your companions in your place.
  11. Constellation: a Hand.
    Insight: wealth, charity. When you call out for help, help will come. Kind-hearted folks will be generous, hard-hearted folks will be unexpectedly cooperative.
  12. Constellation: one now Ruined.
    Insight: None. You ping as evil. Powerful or wise things avoid you, or cannot see you.

Revelations
    For up to [level] characters of your choice, you see threats that endanger them and dangers which threaten them with enough time to rush to their aid (you can do this for your fellow PCs but the effect is probably blinding with how relentlessly reckless those idiots are). These revelations come to you involuntarily and are often painful or confusing.

Careful Study
    You may choose an insight in a moment of thought if you can currently see the constellation, or in a minute if you can closely examine a detailed astrological work.

Foreknowledge
    You know what NPCs will say before they say it, and can mimic them as they speak if you want to piss them off. If you have a crystal ball you can answer direct questions about personal future posed to you by boring people (reading a PC's future always gives the answer "misery, chaos, sticky end"). The answers come in the form of visions, snippets of conversation, and strong impressions. These are always correct but rarely complete. Your foreknowledge is 100% accurate before the prediction is made, but the butterfly effect, other precognitives, strong wills and powerful magic means the future is never certain.
Random Boring NPCs:
  1. A talking animal who wants to know about sports back home.
  2. Annoying thieves who want to steal your divination tools, assuming them to be efficacious on their own.
  3. A burly thug who wants to know about the results of his next job.
  4. A mushroom-worshipper who wants to know about rain in the next few days.
  5. A hired dick who wants to know about his current investigation.
  6. A burly ascetic who wants to know about the end of the world.
  7. A wealthy woman with fat tits who wants to know about back problems.
  8. A monkey herder who wants to hear about circus life nowadays.
  9. A changeling who wants to know how their family is doing.
  10. An old man who wants to hear about his next unlikely victory.
  11. A traveling merchant with an urgent need to know the price of bananas.
  12. A hungry devil, here to eat your prophetic soul.

Divination Tools:
  1. Crystal Ball. May be chucked. Deeply disturbing to creatures without a good sense of what a "face" is. ⅓rd slot.
  2. Voluminous Spooky Cloak. Conceals your entire body.
  3. Wavy-bladed dagger. Iconic for weird creeps in big cloaks. Light.
  4. Tarot Cards (don't work). Enough extra "Death" cards to fill a hand.
  5. Tarot Cards (work). All trump cards have been removed.
  6. Forged cloud journal. Highly detailed, highly incorrect.
  7. High-quality tea. Deserves to be prepared in a high-quality pot, but probably won't be. Ten doses.
  8. Kukri. Its blade is wickedly curved. A +1 weapon, but cannot be sheathed until it has shed at least 1 HP of intelligent blood. Light.
  9. Two-Headed Coin (with your own face). Worth 1gp.
  10. 60' of silk rope. ⅓rd slot.
  11. Travel I-Ching Set. Weighted to give bad results.
  12. Travel Backgammon Set. The divine game. Anyone who can talk will be up for a quick game.
  13. Fortune cookies. Fortunes always come true in unkind ways. Three doses.
  14. The preserved corpses of three songbirds. Already been used for haruspicy; may now be used as companionship.
  15. One liter of cheap moonshine. ⅓rd slot. Three doses.
  16. Book of astrological fables. ⅓rd slot.
  17. Runed Staff. Runes read "Shiitake with Cabbage. Mister Oyster". Medium.
  18. Cartwright's Tools. Enough to fix a broken cart, or torture someone. 1 slot.
  19. Helmet with terrifying face. 1 slot carried, 0 worn.
  20. A weird or inexplicable curio. Roll 1d6:
    1. A glass vial of eternal rain. Destroys divine magic. 3 doses.
    2. Scroll of Terrify Peasantry. Burns to pure ash when read from.
    3. A pair of adamant dice. Turn up 5, no matter how they roll.
    4. Mechanical leg. Works great as a replacement if you lose yours, but is oddly racist.
    5. Map of a graveyard. The location of a massive treasure-trove is marked, but not the location of the graveyard, besides the words "Glost should have died".
    6. Chef's knife. Anything cut by this knife is vegan.


Saturday, May 15, 2021

People's Hearts are Filled with Schemes to do Wrong (GLOG Superhero Campaign, Characters, Advancement)

    Trashed this draft a few times. My first superhero post was written in an evening — I believe that is the correct way to produce a blogpost like this one.



    I've received questions about the general wisdom of "an eleven-category descriptive (not prescriptive) point buy system for generating supernatural abilities of roughly equal power, compatible with your basic d20-like games, with a Worm flavor" presented in the original post, which I will answer in no particular order:

1. Won't classifying superpowers make them feel ordinary, not transcendent?

    I don't want them to feel transcendent. I want them to be grungy and limited in your Worm and My Hero Academia sort of a way — wondrous abilities, certainly, and versatile and interesting tools, but not (at first) drastically altering the human condition. Again: Worm flavor (or if you're unfamiliar with Worm, X-Men). The powers might change how you live your life, but don't change what it means for you to be alive.

2. Why these eleven and not (something else)?
3. Wha-Huh?
4. Why do only some of the powers have scores?

    In short, of Brawn, Durable, Martial, Think, Perceive, Create, Shift, Fly, Zap, Weird and Ace I anticipate the first five categories coming up often. The majority of PC powers (like most in the source fiction) include one or more of the following: the character is very strong, the character is miraculously resistant to damage, the character is good at scrappin', the character is highly intelligent, or the character is sharp on the uptake in ways regular joes can't be (if you think this one's a stretch, consider Spiderman, Wolverine, Batman or Sherlock Holmes).
    The players are familiar with these concepts and are likely to want them, so I listed those powers first and attached them to D&D stats — easy to ask for, easy to get. I gave them scores from 1–3 because I expect questions like "who's the stronger of these strong dudes" to come up a lot in the kind of superhero campaign I want to run.

    The next four are less universal. I'm setting a tone with them; I (as the DM) think common miscellaneous powers will include permanent creation of material, possession of non-human forms, flight, and some sort of 5e-cantrip-level ranged attack thing. I could have included "Invisibility" or "Teleportation", but they're not so interesting enough that I'd want to dedicate sentences to them (Worm didn't, after all). Likewise, these aren't normally assigned scores. One laser-blast is much the same as the other, and most fliers fly about the same. Two fliers competing with each other can be resolved with normal checks — a player could invest in extremely good flight, but the normal kind will do for most encounters and I don't want them to feel like they wasted points on excessive flying ability.

    Finally, there are the catchalls of Ace and Weird. Why do I split them up? I have no idea. Probably because Worm had unclearly-differentiable Master and Stranger categories. Maybe because I wanted Ace to be scary and so teleporting and invisibility needed to go somewhere else.
    They make sense to me now, though. Ace is for existential threats and rule-fuckery (mindcontrol, precognition, time travel, power nullification), and Weird is for ignoring rules (invisibility, teleportation, walking through walls) or just inexplicable shit (seeing an invisible friend who gives you good advice on committing crimes, swap personalities, control one's own emotions).

5. Aren't you concerned in presenting these categories you are limiting the possibilities players will consider? Even if you assure them it's a "descriptive system" and they may have what powers please them, you will affect their conceptions of the world by providing examples, leading them inevitably towards certain conclusions.

    Yes, a little, but let me explain: coloring the players' perceptions is inevitable. If I have any rules it will affect how the players will construct their PCs. Instead of abandoning my responsibilities, I must lead those players down the path of righteousness and sensible superheroes who can fit in an OSR-y sort of a campaign. It's what I wanted to play; you can do it differently if you wish.

    Thinking about it, an "Occultism" or "Divinity" power scored from 1–3 would make a lot of sense for your Sorcerers Supreme and your Thors. I have enough wizards and demigods in my other games, but if you wanted that DC Comics feeling then those would make sense as categories.

6. Enough of your (extremely cool) original characters! Merely demonstrating that the designer is capable of writing out the words of that designer's own system does not demonstrate that the system is usable, let alone good! Show us some real superheroes!

    Are you fucking stupid? Do you not understand what a fucking "question" is? Why are you still talking to me? Why do I still talk to you? When I kill you, you don't die. When I silence you, you return, to urge me towards wicked ends.

    Anyway, I'll stat out some popular superheroes.

Superman, six-sigma (wow!)
Brawn-ב — Bet is notation beyond 1–3, for extreme cases. How much Strength does Superman have? Stronger than you can measure. This is story-game level strength; if Superman said "I will take apart this battleship and lay its component pieces on the beach in sorted piles" I would reply "Well, that sounds like tedious work. It'll take you at least five minutes".
Durable-ב — Same here. How much Constitution does Superman have? Well, there's one specific rock that can hurt him. Besides that he's immune to damage from any source.
Martial-1 — Superman isn't actually super great at fighting. We'll give him 15 Dexterity and Intelligence, and a proficiency with thrown cars.
Perceive-2 — This one is a tough call, since exactly how super-perception works has changed over the decades. You could reasonably argue for any score depending on what comic you're working from, but I'm giving him a 2 under the assumption he can see through walls and perceives time slower. 30 Wisdom, plus the other shit.
Fly-ב — Again, story-game level. Superman can move however fast he feels like.
Zap — He's pretty precise with this; we'll say on a successful attack Superman can deal 2–12 fire damage to anything he can see (his choice). A good zap for a big boy.

    Bit of an odd character to ring it in with, but you can't pass up Superman. I think the system handles him well. Didn't include Super-Weaving or Super-Freezing Breath, or spinning the world backwards so time reverses, but I guess you could if you wanted to.


Spiderman, three-sigma
Brawn-1 — Haven't read the comics, but the 90s animated show made him seem pretty buff. 18 Strength, unarmed attacks medium weapons, normals must make a move check against being knocked over when he swangs his ass into them.
Martial-2 — Spiderman's a heck of a pugilist. 24 Dexterity, unarmored AC as chain, two attacks a turn.
Perceive-2 — Sometimes his spider-sense seems explicitly supernatural. Like, it'll get tripped by evil ghosts, and Spiderman will be swangin' around the city muttering "what the fuck is happening" to himself. Assuming movie-ish canon of bug-like panic-senses: 30 Wisdom, Danger Sense as a 5e Barbarian, Evasion as a 5e Rogue, can never be surprised.
Shift — I'm going to call his wall-crawling and his web-swinging Shift; sometimes it's technology, but I like it as biology. He can walk on any solid surface and he's got built-in grappling hooks that also disable enemy limbs on a successful attack. Neat trick.

    That's a high-level Spiderman. A baby 2-pointer could get away with the Shift and a single Perceive (18 Wisdom and can't be surprised). If his webshooters are technological then he probably has Think in there somewhere.


Batman, one-sigma (ha!)
Martial-1 — Charles Atlas style. 15 Strength and Constitution, always get two attacks against surprised opponents.
Perceive-1 — The greatest detective in the world gets 18 Wisdom. After winning or losing a fight against a named NPC, Batman may choose to consider them a favored enemy. He gets a +4 bonus to checks to track favored enemies, and once per scene he may ask the DM to point out evidence they were present (whiff of poison gas, clownshoe footprint, big glowing ?!, &c).

    Batman's real powers are, of course, having 1,000,000,000s of dollars to spend on airplanes and cars and cool gadgets. Assuming your DM lets you have that as a background feature (I won't), then you're good to go. The rest of his powers are firmly of the 1-point, limit-of-human-ability sorts.

Source: in the description.


    Need to put this information in a pdf, but here's the basics:

Character Creation
    You need a Superpowers (two points worth), a Cool Codename (your choice), a Real Name (also your choice), a Shitty Day-Job (blue-collar or service industry, between $10 and $20 an hour, provides background skills and an income during the week), a Starting Cash (Xd10*$10, where X is a small integer), and an Equipment(s) (purchased with starting cash).

Character Advancement
    You get 25 XP for surviving a session, 10 XP per NPC superman encountered for the first time, 20 XP per newspaper headline you were personally responsible for, and 1 XP per $10 earned through heroics (according to your split of the take). Major XP bounties may be provided for completing long-term goals, beating powerful supermen in fights, and at the DM's discretion. You level up at 200, 600, 1200, 2000, 3000, 4000 &c XP. Extra HD every level, extra point to spend on powers every odd level.

Campaign Structure
    Every week or so an NPC contact will inform a PC of an opportunity for hero-work. These opportunities include breaking into places, beating people up, crashing parties, nabbing high-value targets, and other things you might do in Shadowrun. PCs have an opportunity to prepare (by buying equipment, casing the scene, reaching out to other contacts for help, &c), and then the mission begins. Complications ensue; perhaps the mission is more complicated than originally presented, perhaps another superman shows up, perhaps the PCs receive a better offer. The mission ends and the survivors count their cash.
   Then downtime begins. PCs have 70 hours during the week to work, train, research, purchase or build equipment, and whatever else they want to do. Newspapers run bogus headlines, NPC factions struggle for power in the background, and then it's time for the next mission.



    If I had more time, this blogpost would have been shorter, but I have to go and eat egg salad right this moment. Ciao.

Saturday, May 1, 2021

Simplified Classes

I have grown tired of long blogposts; for a change of pace, here are some of my classes shortened to a few sentences each


MANUFACTORY
    You are a practitioner of the First Art of Manufacturing, which deals with the creation of material and the element of Hot Metal. The Academy of the Manufactories sends its students out into the world, after an initial period of training, to gain hands-on experience with immolation and the military-industrial complex.

    Things You Can Do: eat fuel instead of food, light a cigarette with a touch, handle hot objects cooler than glowing, create small (hidden in closed mouth) objects of frangible potmetal at-will. When you wake up in the morning, you may choose a problem to be able to solve with a wave of your hand and a flash of poison fire:
1. I NEED A LARGE OBJECT (SMALLER THAN A HORSE) WHICH IS NOT PRESENT
2. TWO THINGS ARE NOT, YET, FASTENED TOGETHER
3. THIS PLACE IS NOT, YET, ON FIRE
4. I NEED AN ASSISTANT WHO KNOWS WHAT THEY'RE DOING
5. THE AIR HERE IS MORE BREATHABLE THAN I WOULD LIKE
6. THIS METAL THING, I WISH IT WOULD EXPLODE

    Powerful Manufactories produce objects of better-quality material. Manufactories who strain themselves (such as when pushing the definition of their problems) produce worse-quality material for a time, for longer and longer each time, until they burn out like matches.


MASKED CLERIC
    You are a follower of Aeshe, the Great Sage, who directed your forebears to wear a mask depicting a powerful totem that allowed them to commune with the celestial bureaucracy. While you wear such a mask you are attended by invisible angels with mystical abilities and strict requirements of your personal behavior.

    Things You Can Do: speak and be listened to, ask for food and lodging and get it, see angels and other supernal beings, and live for a long time unless you die first.
    You wear a mask which determines minutiae, but all Clerics are followed by Hallow and another angel of their choice (from this list or a mask-dependent one). they are only interested in helping while you are furthering their interests in the world.
1. HALLOW. In one hour she may hallow an object (dispersing evil, preventing the dead from rising, other things) and with three she may hallow an area for a full day. Minor undead cannot enter hallowed areas, nor rise while inside them.
2. HEAL. Guides your hands to set bones and sew up wounds, occasionally repairs with a touch of her own delicate fingers. Complains all the while about how poorly designed humans are.
3. TURN. With a word, drives everything and everyone at least twenty paces away from you in the manner of a large dog. Intelligent foes can still throw things at you.
4. KINDLE. Sets things (like weapons and people) ablaze. She likes to grab projectiles and fly along behind them.

    Powerful clerics are followed by more angels, who are more willing to bend the rules for them. Clerics who break the angels' rules damage their soul, and risk permanently losing themselves to Chaos.


METATRON
    You are an agent of the Company, an organization authorized by the Emperor to operate in secret and protect people from themselves. You have been directed to do something nebulous and occult, possibly, unless that was a smokescreen and your real memories will only surface when a trigger phrase is spoken. Such is life as a Metatron.

    Things You Can Do: talk your way past most legal authorities, challenge people to a sword-fight and probably win, make eye contact with someone and keep them from looking away.
    When you touch someone on the roof of their mouth, center of their chest and between their eyes, their memories of the past hour are replaced with a lie you tell them in d6+2 words which their mind will try to accept.

    Powerful Metatrons may edit memories with greater precision, inflict horrible waking nightmares, and other Men In Black bullshit. When stressed (such as when their lies are revealed), Metatrons are prone to losing their mind and believing they are someone else with the same memories and personality trapped in the same body.


SWORD-SHEPHERD
    You are in possession of some of the favor of Alden, who was the first and oldest of the five brothers who made your world. For you, this takes the form of superhuman martial ability with sword and bow. No one with abilities like these can escape an interesting life.

    Things You Can Do: win a swordfight against a single humanoid, land arrows in specified apples at any range, instill terror with a dark look, survive falls even when no one could have survived that.
    You perfectly understand weapons the first time you wield them. Mounts are always obedient, civilians are always obsequious, and weather is dark and stormy if it would be dramatically appropriate.

    Old Sword-Shepherds can catch blades and arrows out of the air, bend iron bars with their hands, and face entire armies alone and expect to win. But with every life you end, you become a little more dour. Eventually you will follow the path all Sword-Shepherds must one day take — the path up, the path down, the path on which there is no coming and no going.


ZOUAVE
    You are a wizened veteran who survived a hundred campaigns. For years you sat in the sun, dreaming of past victories and swapping tall tales with the other old soldiers. Now you sit in the sun alone.
    But why only past victories? Why not some new ones? And if things have changed since your day — so what? Old age and treachery beats youth and exuberance every time.

    Things You Can Do: win any barfight, kick the hell out of a man forty years your junior, construct and operate siege engines, enthrall a crowd with tales of glory, find your way around 'most any place, and survive indefinitely on hay and bootlaces.
    If you get the drop on someone, they die. No one can get the drop on you. You can smell booby traps, and you always know when you're being followed.

    Zouaves are already old, but if they can work the rust off they're more dangerous than ever. Ambush and crush armies under landslides; disrespect kings to their faces; walk the secret places of the earth; speak to elder things as an equal; and, one day, die.

Sunday, April 18, 2021

GLOG Legallydistinctémon (GLOG Setting, Random Tables)

    Legallydistinctémon! A project of the twice-secret Gold Membership© GLOG Discord!

Rubble in the background? A legbone for a signpost? What blasted Hellscape is this?


    The world of [redacted at the request of my lawyers] is one of adventure and mystery, full of powerful ancient creatures and warlocks who seek to bind those creatures to their very souls (what did you think they meant by "the power that's inside"?)
    If you've read the manga you know how wild the setting can be. Predictably, the GLOG community's version of this world is even more grotesque and full of people blowing themselves up with poorly understood "magic". That's what this post is: a collection of ersatz Pokémon and tables to generate them, with content sourced from the GLOG Discord and links to creators and blogs.

    Also, Phlox found a site which randomly generates portmanteaus. Useful for this sort of work.

Fire Legallydistinctémon

Template: 1/2 damage from fire

THIS ONE LOOKS LIKE AN ORANGE/RED/FIRE COLORED —
 2. humanoid elemental
 3. dog
 4. tiger
 5. rabbit
 6. bird
 7. lizard
 8. monkey
 9. pig
10. ox
11. fox
12. moth

IT LEVELED UP! NOW IT HAS —
 1. flame comin' out of it
 2. flesh damasked with veins of magma
 3. neon skin (1. pink 2. green 3. yellow 4. purple)
 4. a body much larger than before
 5. beautiful lustrous hair
 6. fearsome accessories in stone and metal
 7. piercing eyes
 8. devil wings
 9. a carpet of flame-colored spikes over its body
10. boiling blood, and an aura of heat-haze
11. [roll twice on this table]
12. [roll twice on this table and once on the last]

WOW! WHEN IT LEVELED UP IT GAINED THE —
1. flying type
2. fighting type
3. steel type
4. dragon type


Electric Legallydistinctémon

Template: activate and manipulate machines?

THIS ONE LOOKS LIKE A GLOWING YELLOW/GLEAMING METALLIC:
 2. humanoid elemental
 3. crow
 4. sheep
 5. common machine
 6. fluffy doggy
 7. adorable rodent
 8. weird-ass quadruped
 9. fuzzy kitty
10. deep sea predator
11. ??? storm with arms and teeth and shit?
12. SPIDER

IT LEVELED UP! NOW IT HAS —
 1. lightning-bolt whiskers that indicate its power level
 2. crackling aura that shorts out machinery
 3. inverted colors
 4. fuzzy fur if it was metallic, or metal wires if it was fuzzy
 5. a body much larger than before
 6. accessories in thick insulating rubber
 7. a long grounding lightning-bolt tail
 8. a glowing bobble on a long antennae
 9. thrumming mechanical features with a million horsepower
10. a staticky mane
11. [roll twice on this table]
12. [roll twice on this table and once on the last]

WOW! WHEN IT LEVELED UP IT GAINED THE —
1. steel type
2. fighting type
3. water type
4. flying type



PHLOX

Ghost Legallydistinctémon

Template: pass through solid objects

THIS ONE LOOKS LIKE A PURPLE/GREY/WHITE/BLUE:
 2. wreck
 3. gaunt domesticated animal
 4. costume
 5. interior furnishing
 6. face with stubby body
 7. shapeless blob
 8. body part
 9. thin, thin humanoid
10. gourd
11. chonky body with a small head and wispy tail
12. aristocratic weapon

IT LEVELED UP! NOW IT HAS —
 1. a sinister hat
 2. more or wider mouths
 3. an emanation of strange light
 4. metallic ridges
 5. a growth piercing it
 6. exposed bone
 7. restraints or containers hanging off it
 8. shadows dancing around it
 9. Inflated, its face leering
10. a knife
11. [roll twice on this table]
12. [roll twice on this table and once on the last]

WOW! WHEN IT LEVELED UP IT GAINED THE —
1. psychic type
2. poison type
3. fire type
4. dark type



LOCHEIL

Ground Legallydistinctémon

Template: Can burrow

THIS ONE LOOKS LIKE AN OCHRE/BROWN/GOLD:
 2. Mole
 3. Worm
 4. Snake
 5. Dog
 6. Hippopotamus
 7. Horse
 8. Lizard
 9. Badger
10. Small Rodent
11. Clay Statue
12. Archaeological Relic

IT LEVELED UP! NOW IT HAS —
 1. Massive digging claws.
 2. A thick hide.
 3. Red or blue splotches, like mud-splats.
 4. Covered in soil, mud or sand.
 5. Heavy, blocklke limbs or head.
 6. Clay armour, wet or fired.
 7. The ability to roll up into a ball.
 8. A portly body.
 9. Large limbs.
10. A stable stance.
11. [roll twice on this table]
12. [roll twice on this table and once on the last]


WOW! WHEN IT LEVELED UP IT GAINED THE —
1. rock type
2. water type
3. grass type
4. steel type


Dragon Legallydistinctémon

Template: Moves deal an extra [+????] damage.

THIS ONE LOOKS LIKE A WINGLESS DRAGON, BUT:
 2. It's covered in gold and other precious metals.
 3. It has bone or metal armour.
 4. It's wearing parts of its broken eggshell.
 5. It's half mammal.
 6. It's got six legs.  
 7. It's long and serpentine, or at least part of it is.
 8. It's got 1d4 Extra Heads.
 9. It's Birdlike.
10. It's broad and heavy, or at least part of it is.
11. It's spiky and angular, or at least part of it is.
12. It's got 1d4 sets of wings.

IT LEVELED UP! NOW IT HAS —
 1. Ominously glowing eyes.
 2. A weapon formed from it's body, such as a cannon or blade.
 3. Massive fangs.
 4. Rows of spines.
 5. An extravagant head-crest of some kind.
 6. Heavy pieces of bone or metal armour.
 7. A long, thin, swishing tail.
 8. Extravagant horns.
 9. Smoke and 'dragon energy' billowing from it's jaws.
10. An extra... (1. Head 2. Set of Wings 3. Set of Legs 4. Tail)
11. [roll twice on this table]
12. [roll twice on this table and once on the last]

WOW! WHEN IT LEVELED UP IT GAINED THE —
1. steel type
2. fire type
3. dark type
4. flying type



Bug Legallydistinctémon

Template: always win initiative?

THIS ONE LOOKS LIKE A HUGE, FANCY COLOURED:
 2. spider
 3. ant
 4. cockroach
 5. dragonfly
 6. cricket
 7. worm
 8. centipede
 9. bee or wasp
10. weevil
11. beetle
12. moth or butterfly

IT LEVELED UP! NOW IT HAS —
 1. An extra set of legs.
 2. Gossamer wings.
 3. Chitinous blades.
 4. Spiky armour.
 5. Eye spots.
 6. Parasitic fungi.
 7. A shell of natural material.
 8. Metallic chitin.
 9. Extravagant antennae.
10. The ability to stand upright.
11. [roll twice on this table]
12. [roll twice on this table and once on the last]

WOW! WHEN IT LEVELED UP IT GAINED THE —
1. grass type
2. dark type
3. poison type
4. ground type


Dark Legallydistinctémon

Template: invisible in darkness

THIS ONE LOOKS LIKE A RED/BLACK/ORANGE/PURPLE:
 2. Ghostly Humanoid
 3. Canine
 4. Crow
 5. Scavenging Animal  
 6. Large Reptile
 7. Ooze or Living Shadow
 8. Rodent
 9. Small Reptile
10. Demon
11. Feline
12. Small Goblinesque Creature

IT LEVELED UP! NOW IT HAS —
 1. A Crest or Flowing Piece of Fur
 2. A Cloak of Shadows
 3. Thorns, Spines or Claws
 4. An Aura of Darkness
 5. Batlike Wings
 6. A Mask, either as a pattern in fur or skin, or a literal mask
 7. An animate, unpleasant shadow.
 8. Gotten hold of some kind of Archaeological Relic.
 9. Glowing markings or eyes.
10. Spiky horns, or a spiked beak if appropriate.
11. [roll twice on this table]
12. [roll twice on this table and once on the last]

WOW! WHEN IT LEVELED UP IT GAINED THE —
1. ghost type
2. fire type
3. poison type
4. water type


Water Legallydistinctémon

Template: Amphibious, breathe air and water.

THIS ONE LOOKS LIKE A BLUE/CYAN/GREY:
 2. Giant Serpent
 3. Turtle
 4. Pinniped
 5. Frog or Toad  
 6. Waterfowl or Seabird
 7. Fish (1. Small Fish, 2. Large Fish, 3. Eel, 4. Shark,)
 8. Cetacean
 9. Shellfish
10. A Sessile Sea-Creature, such as Coral or a Barnacle
11. Cephalopod
12. Leviathan

IT LEVELED UP! NOW IT HAS —
 1. Voluminous, glittering fins.
 2. A long, serpentine body.
 3. Reflective scales or shiny skin.
 4. A large shell.
 5. The great size that comes from living in the deeps.
 6. Partially or entirely made from clear or murky water.
 7. Has symbiotic coral growing on it.
 8. A glowing lure on a long appendage.
 9. A shoal of similar or smaller creatures like it accompanying it.
10. The ability to hover out of water.
11. [roll twice on this table]
12. [roll twice on this table and once on the last]

WOW! WHEN IT LEVELED UP IT GAINED THE —
1. grass type
2. ice type
3. poison type
4. ground type


Ice Legallydistinctémon

Template: 1/2 damage from cold

THIS ONE LOOKS LIKE A WHITE/PALE BLUE/TRANSLUCENT:
 2. Animate Snow Sculpture
 3. A Snowy Owl
 4. Bison or Ox
 5. Moose or Deer
 6. Particularly Fluffy Small Mammal
 7. Polar Bear
 8. Penguin
 9. Beluga or Orca
10. Pinniped
11. Animate Ice Structure
12. Yeti

IT LEVELED UP! NOW IT HAS —
 1. Icicle spikes growing on its back.
 2. An attendant blizzard.
 3. Clouds of chill on its breath.
 4. A covering or shell, of packed snow or hard ice.  
 5. A big, broad, stocky body, to conserve heat.
 6. Thick gripping claws or broad swimming paddles (whichever would be weirder).
 7. Glittering sheen of frost that catches the light.
 8. Large horns or tusks.
 9. Thick, tangled fur.
10. An internal reservoir of great cold or self-sustaining heat.
11. [roll twice on this table]
12. [roll twice on this table and once on the last]

WOW! WHEN IT LEVELED UP IT GAINED THE —
1. water type
2. grass type
3. rock type
4. ground type

Fighting Legallydistinctémon

Template: [+????] HP

THIS ONE LOOKS LIKE A RED/BROWN/BEIGE:
 2. A portly, broad amphibian.
 3. A large, muscular horse.
 4. Large, upright... (1. Canine 2. Bear 3. Bovine 4. Pig)
 5. Monkey standing upright.
 6. Tall, thin humanoid.  
 7. Burly, massive humanoid.
 8. Squat, stocky humanoid.
 9. A large, stocky primate.
10. A large, flightless bird.
11. A burly, thick-skinned quadruped.
12. A non-fish sea creature.

IT LEVELED UP! NOW IT HAS —
 1. 1d4 Extra Arms.
 2. Massive, bulging muscles.
 3. Leathery, craggy hide.
 4. 1d4 Extra Legs.
 5. Mysterious secret techniques.
 6. Armour (1. Natural 2. Manufactured 3. Scavenged)
 7. Prominent facial hair.
 8. Glowing... (1. Hair 2. Eyes 3. Limbs)  
 9. A weapon (1. Natural 2. Manufactured 3. Scavenged)
10. Heavy bone protrusions.
11. [roll twice on this table]
12. [roll twice on this table and once on the last]

WOW! WHEN IT LEVELED UP IT GAINED THE —
1. rock type
2. psychic type
3. steel type
4. normal type


Grass Legallydistinctémon

Template: invisible in plants

THIS ONE LOOKS LIKE A MOBILE, WEIRD

 2. Half-Plant Large Mammal
 3. Tree
 4. Shrub
 5. Fungus
 6. Half-Plant Lizard
 7. Fruit
 8. Vegetable
 9. Carnivorous Plant
10. Vine
11. Cactus
12. Half-Plant Small Mammal

IT LEVELED UP! NOW IT HAS —
 1. A beautiful blooming flower.
 2. A carpet of moss or dry vines.
 3. A larger and more extravagant form of it's current vegetation.
 4. Wooden accessories.
 5. A covering of snow, sand or soil.
 6. Great size.
 7. A covering of thick bark.
 8. Pollen or spores.
 9. Thorns or spines.
10. A completely different colour!
11. [roll twice on this table]
12. [roll twice on this table and once on the last]

WOW! WHEN IT LEVELED UP IT GAINED THE —
1. ground type
2. water type
3. poison type
4. rock type


ANDREW SAWYER OF DEAD-DELVER

Fairy Legallydistinctémon

Template: Other Legamon are less likely to panic or run away

THIS ONE LOOKS LIKE A PINK/PURPLE/METALLIC -
2. Regal Beast
3. Dessert Treat
4. Floating Ring
5. Vague-Humanoid
6. Small Vague-Humanoid
7. Egg
8. Unnaturally Cute Animal
9. Fluffy Cloud
10. Stuffed Doll
11. Ball of Slime
12. Spiritual Totem

IT LEVELED UP! NOW IT HAS -
1. 1d4 Extra Faces
2. 1d4 Flower Blooms
3. Far Too Many Eyes
4. All the Colors of the Rainbow
5. A Large Red Bow
6. A Larger Head
7. A Crown or Crest
8. A Charming Grin
9. A Completely Different Color
10. 1d4 Pairs of Wings
11. [roll twice on this table]
12. [roll twice on this table and once on the last]

WOW! WHEN IT LEVELED IT GAINED THE -
1. Psychic Type
2. Grass Type
3. Flying Type
4. Electric Type


HARUSPEXHOVEL

Flying Legallydistinctémon

Template: has wings; can fly

THIS ONE LOOKS LIKE A BROWN/GREY/BRIGHTLY COLORED:
 2. Bat
 3. Peafowl
 4. Crow
 5. Woodpecker
 6. Owl
 7. Pigeon
 8. Goose
 9. Crane
10. Duck
11. Falcon
12. Pterodactyl

IT LEVELED UP! NOW IT HAS —
 1. Another set of voluminous wings.
 2. The ability to hover.
 3. A new, distinctive patch of color on its... (1. head 2. tail 3. wings 4. rump)
 4. A razor-sharp beak or bill.
 5. Longer legs and twice the land speed.
 6. The ability to imitate any other legamon's cries.
 7. Metallic feathers.
 8. Extraordinary hearing.
 9. An extra head.
10. The ability to glide silently.
11. [roll twice on this table]
12. [roll twice on this table and once on the last]

WOW! WHEN IT LEVELED UP IT GAINED THE —
1. bug type
2. fire type
3. poison type
4. grass type

Normal Legallydistinctémon

Template: the ability to appear completely and utterly normal no matter the situation

THIS ONE LOOKS LIKE A BEIGE/BROWN/PASTEL-COLORED:
 2. Badger
 3. Hedgehog
 4. Rodent
 5. Rabbit
 6. Cat
 7. Canine
 8. Monkey
 9. Cow
10. Bear
11. Deer
12. Marsupial (1. Kangaroo 2. Koala 3. Possum 4. Wombat)

IT LEVELED UP! NOW IT HAS —
 1. New, distinctive markings on its... (1. chest 2. head 3. arms 4. back)
 2. 1d4 extra limbs.
 3. A bow, flower, or distinctive facial hair.
 4. An object... (1. Natural 2. Manufactured 3. Scavenged).
 5. A welcoming or sour look on its face.
 6. A baby version of itself on its shoulders/back/pouch.
 7. The ability to stand up on its hind legs and walk like a human.
 8. 1d6 new tails.
 9. A completely new patch of color.
10. An old, wrinkly visage.
11. [roll twice on this table]
12. [roll twice on this table and once on the last]

WOW! WHEN IT LEVELED UP IT GAINED THE —
1. flying type
2. water type
3. fire type
4. grass type


A SENSE OF IMMERSION


RANDOMWIZARD

Rock Legallydistinctémon

Template: Takes half damage from piercing/cutting attacks.

THIS ONE LOOKS LIKE A GRAY/BROWN/DARK BLUE:
2. Coral formation
3. Bug with a rocky shell
4. Aquatic dinosaur
5. Snake made out of rocks
6. Literal pile of rocks
7. Rock with legs
8. Animate statue
9. Ancient stone artifact
10. Terrestrial dinosaur
11. Hovering asteroid
12. Animal preserved in amber

IT LEVELED UP! NOW IT HAS —
1. Glowing crystal protrusions.
2. A perpetual sandstorm around itself.
3. Ancient runes carved across its surface.
4. A bunch of smaller rocks attached to it.
5. Heavy and cumbersome granite armor plating.
6. Way too many spikes.
7. The ability to camouflage within natural rock surfaces.
8. Cracks and chips covering its surface.
9. A mustache. Made out of actual hair or more rocks; whichever is funnier.
10. Wings that aren’t strong enough to get its fat little body off the ground.
11. [roll twice on this table]
12. [roll twice on this table and once on the last]

WOW! WHEN IT LEVELED UP IT GAINED THE —
1. water type
2. ground type
3. steel type
4. bug type



PURPLECTHULHU

Poison Legallydistinctémon

Template: Your legamon are resistant to poison.

THIS ONE LOOKS LIKE A GREEN/INDIGO/PURPLE:
2. Bat
3. Flower
4. Fungus
5. Blob monster
6. Spider
7. Scorpion
8. Snake
9. Lizard
10. Frog
11. Other toxic bug (1. Wasp  2. Moth  3. Centipede  4. Snail)
12. Non-fishy sea creature

IT LEVELED UP! NOW IT HAS --
1. Bright warning colors
2. Sharp spines
3. Large(r)/more stinger/fangs
4. A coating of toxic goo
5. Lots of fringes and frills
6. An aura of poisonous gas
7. Garbage sticking out of it
8. Acidic spit/blood/tears
9. A long tongue/tentacles
10. OH GOD ITS STARTING TO MELT
11. [roll twice on this table]
12. [roll twice on this table and once on the last]

WOW! WHEN IT LEVELED IT GAINED THE -
1. Water type
2. Grass type
3. Dark type
4. Bug type





BUT THE DESIGN IS COMPLICATED BY THE FACT THAT IT —
 1. has a terrifying shadow that reveals its true form
 2. is shaped like a common object from civilization (1. building 2. weapon 3. vehicle 4. straight up looks exactly like a guy)
 3. is ten-times too-big
 4. has eyes in an unexpected place
 5. relentlessly attacks people who enter its territory
 6. cares about money, for some reason?
 7. is the male/female form of a completely different legamon
 8. is the juvenile/adult form of a completely different legamon
 9. is venerated by the locals who share its habitat
10. is a cleverly disguised insect [add BUG type]
11. is an invasive species
12. fears a random non-threatening pokemon
13. prefers water/land instead of its expected habitat (if already amphibious, can fly)
14. produces a useful substance, (1d10: 1–4 milk or some other edible 5–8 wool or some similar textile 9 medicinal application 10 military application)
15. is critically endangered
16. is entirely immortal
17. incarnates a concept (1. an emotion 2. an event 3. an unrelated element 4. a physical law)
18. is unique, the only one in existence
19. explodes sometimes
20. obsesses over a random mundane inanimate object: steals them, makes them, builds nests out of them...
21. nocturnal
22. lives among humans
23. causes natural disasters
24. lives in a weird place
25. is a literal alien
26. has a secondary type? [Roll on that type's Trait Table]?
27. has been domesticated for a long time
28. is always disobedient
29. is naturally cooperative and loyal
30. is rivals with another legamon in their natural habitat
31. is a regional variant of something else
32. parasitizes another legamon
33. was revived from a strange fossil
34. has multiple evolutions, based on environment or diet or behavior




Example Legamon, Generated With Those Tables:


Pterrifier, The Inquiring Legamon. Flying/Steel.
Pterrifier is a pterosaur with radio dishes instead of wings and two heads, one with a single heat-vision eye and the other with a parabolic microphone. Its stiff wings cannot flap, so it hovers instead. Wild Pterrifiers appear on nights with a full moon to harass politicians and scientists before flying back up into the sky and disappearing.

Forgeox, The Blacksmith Legamon. Fire/Steel.
Art courtesy of Locheil

Wild Forgeoxen wander the roads with a beltful of tools, cleaning and repairing machinery for a small fee. What do they use the money for? No one knows, but they refuse to do anything for free. This Legamon will never respect a trainer who can't work with their hands.

Pinespine, The Soggy Buddy Legamon. Grass.
Pinespines are related to [other cactus guy] but have evolved for the climate of a temperate forest. Water is so abundant in their environment that they can spend most of the day working on carpentry projects, or sleeping as a thick bed of moss grows over them. Their waterlogged spines make them defenseless, and their waterlogged hearts make them kind. Unscrupulous humans sometimes steal from them, or even keep them in cages to produce excellent wooden furniture.

Larvantage, The Conscripted Legamon. Bug.
They don't know it yet, but newly-hatched Larvantages have been drafted into the war of all against all. They are small, weak, poorly-trained and delicious. Their only hope lies in the nickel-plated .44 automatic they were born clutching.

Snipoon, The Hardened Legamon. Bug/Steel.
War has changed the Snipoon almost as much as the adamant threads it wraps around its body. The only gap in its defense is a slot large enough for its newly-evolved sniper rifle and 7x scope. Pairs of Snipoons often work together, serving as each others' spotters.

Overmoth, The Military-Industrial Legamon. Bug/Steel.
Of the thousands of eggs an Overmoth lays in its lifetime, only a few will survive to ever lay eggs of their own. These flying fortresses know they have a duty to the rest of their species. They keep careful watch for predators, and rain automatic fire on trespassers in their territory.

Beegon, The Hunter-Killer Legamon. Bug.
Beegons are the male form of the Beelders. They are useless outside of mating season, so they patrol the hive and detonate if they find intruders. Trained Beegons have been used in human warfare for centuries.

Beelder, The Hard-Working Legamon. Bug.
Beelders are the female form of the Beegons. They produce concrete instead of honey, and humans use their old hives as towns or even cities. Beelders are revered in the Devastee region because legends hold they taught the art of construction to mankind.

Fragondie, The Chain Reaction Legamon. Bug.
Periodically detonating their heavy exoskeletons makes these Legamon biologically immortal. When huge, ancient Fragondies molt it might seem like a terrible cataclysm, but the explosion frees them for long enough to fly high and find a mate. Watch out! When swarms of them sleep in the same place, one molting will detonate the others!

Guppriest, The Guilty Guppie Legamon. Water.

Guppriests are born when a Penumburst has fallen to the bottom of the ocean floor and other water legamon begin to feed on their remains. Some say Guppriests are the reincarnation of the pure spirit of the Penumburst, destined to be corrupted again.

Penumburst, The Shadowy Cathedral Legamon. Water/Dark.

Penumbursts grow to be some of the largest Legamon because they are so puffed up with vanity. Every Penumburst is unique, and each considers their style to be the most beautiful and most interesting of all. They fill the ocean with boastful songs, like old buildings settling.

Garfouls, The Corrupting Legamon. Dark.
Garfouls follow small, vulnerable Legamon and attempt to drive them to grim deeds and greater power, in order to feed off them when they fall. They can be found in any environment but prefer the water because it hides them from the sight of G_d.



The following Legamon came from a source who wishes to be identified only as "daddy":

Tracheiodon, the Compsognathys Legamon. Grass.
This Legamon eats, drinks and breathes through a tube in the end of its tail. It spends most of its time hiding in the undergrowth with its friends, until prey walks by and they swarm.

Vieraraptor, the Velociraptor Legamon. Grass/Dark.
Vieraraptors hunt in small, dangerous packs. The moss which grows on their feet makes them move silently, and their powerful teeth make them dangerous even to Legamon much larger than themselves.

Skovenator, the Apex Predator Legamon. Grass/Dark.
Skovenators are generally solitary Legamon who live and hunt by themselves. They can use any amount of darkness to hide their mottled bodies and stalk their prey. Nothing is safe from a hungry Skovenator, not even an armed human hunter.

Lasheen, the Whip Snake Legamon. Water.
This Legamon's name comes from its shiny reflective scales, which it uses to lure and dazzle its prey before striking them with its long and heavy tail.

Ophlaios, the Flail Cobra Legamon. Water.
Using its multiple tails as a propeller by spinning them is just one of the myriad of techniques Ophlaios uses to defeat its foes.

Macehoggr, the Grudge-Holding Legamon. Water.
Its heavy skull can break the plating on ships that are too large for it to coil around and crush. Macehoggrs hate all Flying type Legamon, and will do their best to destroy their roosts and safehavens. Legends say that, in the past, Macehoggrs have destroyed the foundations of islands so they sank and drowned the Flying types who lived there.

Cower, the Fearful Calf Legamon. Fire.
Known to run from everything, Cowers are hard to raise in dangerous environments such as the Devastee Region.

Vaingulate, the Conceited Cow Legamon. Fire.
After its first evolution this Legamon has become vain and narcissistic. Vaingulates are known to mistake their own reflection for rivals, and challenge them to contests of beauty and strength.

Heliovine, the Sun Ox Legamon. Fire/Fairy.
This Legamon is sturdy and dependable and so is a common site in farming communities. Statues of Heliovines are considered good luck in other countries, and tourists sometimes assume they are worshiped in the region, but they're just cows.



THE DEVASTEE REGION





    This region is an archipelago 1000 kilometers long in the southern oceans. It is most famous for its Bug-type Legamon, which grow very large through insular gigantism. Devastee (pronounced deh-vah-STEH) is damp and usually temperate, but prone to seasonal storms. The locals know to avoid the territories of the explosive insects. Tourists don't, and sometimes get themselves in trouble.
    Most towns are linked by Routes and regular ferry services, but a few are more secluded. Gathering the badges of the Devastee Region will require a trainer who is willing to delve into caves, hike through mountains, ford over rivers and brave ferocious Legamon.


HOW DO I USE ANY OF THIS?


    You can't! We're still discussing how Legamon fighting actually works in the context of a TTRPG. Join the Discord and weigh in, if you wish.